Sunday, November 23, 2003


We're gearing up for the baby's arrival. The house is in an uproar as we are moving everything around. Joe and I have painted the nursery. This was Joe's first time painting a room. I don't think he found it nearly as enjoyable as I do. That's ok. I've previously painted four rooms in the house by myself, he can help with one.

I'm in full fledged nesting mode. I spend my nights and weekends puttering around the house cleaning, moving, and generally trying to prepare. It's getting harder to move with the ever-expanding basketball tummy. My world famous cat-like agility has been reduced to sloth-like bumbling. I shall soon have to give up Mumbly-Peg.

The baby is due January 15th. My family is betting on an earlier date. I'm hoping for a little bit later. Its funny how people just assume certain things about me.
The following are some of the questions I get asked on a regular basis just because I'm knocked up:

Myth #1: You must be so done with being pregnant--aren't you sick of it?
Answer #1: Actually no. I didn't so much like being pregnant back in the first trimester (which concluded near the beginning of July.) Anything that makes you feel as crummy as morning sickness is completely unacceptable. Since then I've been enjoying this process. Sure, you move more slowly, your body shifts, it gets harder to sleep, but its also easier than actually taking care of a human being. As long as he stays inside me he is easily portable, easily cared for, and easily monitored. End of pregnancy at this point means that a human life is now our responsibility--and we can barely keep the house plants alive.

Myth #2: You must have to pee all the time!
Answer #2: Thanks for your concern about my personal bodily functions. Not terribly different from normal, but thanks for making me address this in a public format.

Myth #3: You must be so excited! (thrilled!, happy!, over-the-moon!)
Answer #3: Anxious trepidation tempered by the acceptance of the inevitable reality, thanks.

Myth #4: Do you just have everything ready and perfect?
Answer #4: No. I'm a lazy housekeeper to begin with. Although the impending arrival of the child has improved the general upkeep and appearance of the house, there is still so much to finish. We don't have a crib, a car seat, a bouncy-chair (you think they'd call it something a little more dignified but I'm finding that much of baby-land is overly saccharine for my tastes,) any diapers, not to mention the other accoutrements that one absolutely must have to have a baby.

Myth #5 You absolutely must have (insert name of product here)!
Answer #5: I'm suspicious of much of the absolute must haves. Wipe warmers? These people are intent of spoiling children right out of the barrel, aren't they. The sooner the baby understands that things aren't always going to go his way--starting with cold wipes to the backside--the better. Its kind of like the switch from asphalt playgrounds to the soft woodchips or rubber shavings of today's jungle gyms. We are reaping a generation of rotten-egg children. That said, we should probably still buy a crib.

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