jetsetgreen

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Why I Became a Mother



It has happened to every mother, and I am no exception. It’s not like I didn’t know it was going to happen to me, I’d been anticipating it, I’m just surprised it took this long. If you have a weak stomach, stop reading. We’ll start at the beginning.

I just bought a crock-pot! Now, this might seem like a lie, but although I was raised mostly in Provo, my family did not own a crock-pot. I was always jealous of those righteous families with their avocado and harvest gold countertop appliances. I don’t know if owning a crock-pot has made it onto the temple questionnaire yet, but I figured it’s better to be pro-active! Also, I got it into my head that if I prepared my dinner in the morning then I would have more time to spend with my son after work.

8:45am: To keep El Guille occupied and feed him a healthy, warm breakfast I made him cinnamon oatmeal and bananas (from scratch, natch.) I lovingly prepared our first crock-pot dinner while El Guille (21 months) ate about half the oatmeal, and then gave himself a facial and hair treatment with the remainder. Whatever, we’ll just take a post-breakfast bath.

9:15am: While El Guille was chilling in the tub with his toys, I got ready for work. That morning I had to drop him off at my mom’s office on campus before the dedication at so time was paramount.

9:30am: I’m just about done putting on my face when I hear a sweet little toddler voice say “Mama, poop.” Oh no! I turn around to see logs emerging from El Guille’s nether regions. I act quickly. Remove son from bath. Grab TP and a rag. Check son for lingering evidence. Return to tub to view disaster area.

9:31am: My bathtub is Louisiana Lemonade.

9:35am: It's nice to know that nectarines stay roughly the same color. Remove the multiple tainted toys from tub and place into bleach solution. Drain tub, scrape tub, clean tub, dry son off, dress son, dress self, leave house by 10:30am.

Oh the joys of motherhood, will the wonder never cease?

26 comments:

Bek said...

Sounds like a typical day. The funny thing is that once you are a mother, you just take these kinds of days as par for the course and just get on with it.

Don't knock crock pots....I was never domestic diva, but I LOVE mine. I plug it in outside in the summer when I don't want to heat up the house and it is the best way to make Caramelized Onions (have you ever made/tried the Carmelized Onion Dip from the Barefoot Contessa Cookbook? Yum). I also make a wonderful dish called "Sunday Chicken". It is creamy and yummy for a quick Sunday-after church-meal. I know it is dorky, but I can totally set you up!!

Did you FIND a avacado green one? That would be sweet.

Bek said...

great picture of the boy.

BowlerGirl said...

By no means am I Martha but I have fooled the masses by learning to use my crock pot. I have a great pot-roast recipe that impressed Ma and Pa on their visit. Who knew it could be so easy?

La Yen said...

I LOVE the crockpot. I have one of those 101 things to do with a crock pot books, and I have made things with it. You can make Dulce de Leche in a crock pot--my mom perfected the recipe after boiling thorough a pan because she forgot to keep adding water.

I would have to throw the bathtub out if there was poo.

Azúcar said...

You might be throwing out a lot of things, just a warning. We all have battle scars on that front. On of my favorites was when Will was three months old. I was on the phone to Melanee and burping Will at the same time. All of a sudden, the poo started gushing out of his diaper like an earth-colored Niagara. "Oh, crap!" I yelled into the phone, "No, literally! I gotta go!" I ran with the child to the bathroom as he left a wake in our path. Time to get the carpet cleaned!

The crock pot is stainless with black to match everything else in my kitchen, only 20 bucks on sale at Le Target. For the record, that crock pot dinner, my first, was just ok. But last night's vegetable beef soup was the rage of the house. I'm a convert!

Azúcar said...

Oh! I have to know about dulce de leche from a crock pot. Lemme guess: open a can, pour in, high for 5 hours? I just made some the old fashioned way last night, but I live in a perennial fear that the can is going to explode.

That reminds me of the first time I met Jen & W. My house for Melanee's birthday party. I was serving dulce de leche fondue and W was all "How do you know about dulce de leche?" and I was all "How do you know about it." Then we disclosed our mutual Latin roots. ¡Si! ¡Es la verdad!

Jen had the reddest lipstick on and I think we bonded immediately over make-up.

If any you have any good cock pot recipes, I'd love to hear them. Especially the pot roast!

cabesh said...

I saw that you're looking for this week's Gilmore Girls. I DVRed it, but already watched and deleted it. My husband found a way to download it online when I missed last week. It's rather involved and takes a while, but let me know if you get desperate.

Azúcar said...

Thanks Jill, I'd love to know! You can email me at carina1 (at)gmail.com if it's too involved for a comment.

~j. said...

You...like make-up?

Azúcar said...

If it's girly I like it. Hair, make-up, shoes, purses, skirts, jewelry, etc.

The only girl things I don't usually like are candles, picture frames and chick movies. Why? You wanna be my MK girl?

~j. said...

Absolutely.

cabesh said...

OK, if Jenny is going to be your MK lady, then you should come to the skin care class that she's teaching and I'm hosting next Wed. Let me know if you're interested.:)

Azúcar said...

What time? I've got Mutual on Weds. And then you'll have to come to pampered chef with Jenny the next night ;)

My verification is "ifunk." Truer words...

La Yen said...

Dulce in a crock pot A La SusanJohnsonNotAJew:

Take a can of sweet & condensed, remove top

Put can in crock pot, add water to about 1" belove top of can

Cook for 3 or 4 hours, checking every now and then.

verification" elpldy. Even the computer knows I am stuck in el paso.

Azúcar said...

Interesting recipe, I will have to try it. The world knows you're stuck in El Paso and aches for your plight.

wendysue said...

There was a time when my oldest was about 15 months old when my hubby refused to give her baths anymore, EVERYTIME she would poop! He'd have to get her out, scrub down the tub, scrub the toys, then start all over. It was about 5 times in 2 weeks she did it! And hey, it sounds nasty but whenever she was totally consipated we knew if we put her in the tub, it would happen. We went through a lot of Clorox cleaner!!!

And I'm a crock pot lover too! Pot roast is my fave!!

wendysue said...

you all knew I meant consTipated right? right. P.S. we even had a plastic cup called the "Bathtub" cup, we may as well have called it the poop cup, to scoop out all the poopers.

Rachel said...

my esther just had an interesting poop incident that i just wrote about on my blog. the bathtub poop is such a nuisance. i did the whole bleach thing the first couple of times, and then i gave up the fight. the toys either got a good hot rinse or a swift trip to the garbage can. life is too short for several bleachings...

i have some delish crock pot recipes. i'm a total fan. if you want green chile shredded chicken (DIVINE with burritos or salad or enchiladas) or BBQ chicken sandwiches or Mexican beef, let me know. i used to be vegetarian and couldn't find much to do with the c.p., but now, i'm totally in.

also, thanks for the advice/support with the streng. i love swapping ideas....oh yeah, the atomic ranch article was the summer issue....page 40. the photos sadly don't do the home justice. the scale, i think, is poorly represented and some of the stuff is pretty overdone. it's a really neat house in person and tony is a great artist. there was another article in a prior episode about another home in our neighborhood--owned by richard and paul who love tiki stuff. both homes were photographed for atomic ranch's forthcoming coffee table book.

Rachel said...

oh yeah--i don't know any blogetiquette...as in, is it totally taboo to answer many posts in one comment?

also, my sis lives in palo alto. i wonder if she knows bek? her name is susannah harmon furr. she's been there for just one year....she was just on bedrest for several months during her fourth pregnancy with baby beatrix. just curious.

Azúcar said...

Rachel,
You have a free pass to post whenever, wherever, just like Shakira ('cause Rachel can shake it!)
I'm going to ask for an Atomic Ranch subscription for Christmas. I can't find any stores that carry it here.

You and anyone else are free to post your fav crock-pot recipes as I'm still collecting good ones.

When I shared the poop incident in a meeting today, I was informed that I'm not really in the circle of true parenthood until I've caught my progeny's vomit with my own hands.

wendysue said...

Carina--vomit in your own hands. That's when my hubby says he knew he was a true Dad, when my oldest was 2 and wasn't going to make it to the bathroom, he tried to catch the puke in his hands. Then he stood there like "ok, now what? I can't pick her up, I can't do anything!"

Rachel said...

been there, done that! (on multiple occasions...)

wendysue said...

Carina, I just re-read my comment and I SO did not mean it to come out like "Hey Carina, how 'bout you go and vomit in your own hands!!" I was simply meaning to quote what you had said in your previous comment!! My bad!

Azúcar said...

Now you tell me. Boy, am I embarassed.

La Yen said...

Am I bad because my first instinct is to drop the baby and run from the poop and vomit? Really. That is my first instinct.

Azúcar said...

All that means, Jen, is that you are doomed to have an inordinate amount of bodily fluids on your hands and, yes, home surfaces.