Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Trouble Sleeping

Kids, this is an entry with a soundtrack. Before reading the rest of this blarg, you need to open this link by right clicking it and selecting "Open Link in New Window."

Ready? OK!

Once upon a time I kept a personal trainer. One day, when he was making me do these evil triceps exercises, he mentioned that he hated to eat. He disliked taking the time out of his day to remember (!) to eat, in addition to figuring out what to eat. He was waiting for the day that you could pop a pill. What he really wanted was to be able to open his stomach as if it had a latch, insert food, and be on his merry way. My friend Jeff once related to me a similar longing to stop devoting time to food and eating. While I don’t know what those crazies are talking about, I hate sleep.

I mean, I like the feeling I have with a full night of sleep, but I hate taking time out to actually sleep. It’s such a waste of time! I could get, like, 30% more things done if I didn’t have to sleep. To this effect, I will often live for weeks at a time on the minimum amount of sleep required to still remain sane. I will skate to the brink of sickness and ill-temper. I just wish there was another alternative.

I feel better when I have 8 hours: I weigh less, am more even-tempered, more energetic.

When I have 5 hours of sleep: the drapes are sewn, the bedroom rearranged, blogs are written, CDs alphabetized, cookies baked, time for exercise, rooms painted, scriptures are read, headboards created, photos organized, sorted, and sent to relatives, TV is watched, shopping is done, novels are perused, laundry is properly handled, deep cleaning is finished, painting of canvases are completed, and new recipes find their genesis. What’s more interesting? (Easy for you to say, you don’t have to live with me.)

I’ve suffered from bouts of insomnia, so it’s not as if I’m romanticizing what it’s like when you truly can’t sleep. Those periods are not fun. The stress and panic are overwhelming. Every subconscious needs the downtime for processing. Your body needs to repair and replenish. But the drapes must also be made; personal artistic goals met.

What I want, nay, demand, is the ability to fall asleep at will and to only need to sleep for 3 hours. Release me from this prison of necessity.

*Special thanks to Music For Kids Who Can't Read Good for providing one of my favs, The Perishers


BowlerGirl said...

You are preaching to the choir, sister! I don't think that I actually slept like a rational person until I was 24 years old. I must say that the last 5 years have been much less productive than the previous ones.

I too have had bouts of insomnia and/or self-imposed sleep-deprevation. Oh, how I miss the days of sewing into the wee hours of the morn or printing till I could print no more!

I mourn the days when 4 hours made me a sane person. Now, give me 8 or give me death!

~j. said...

I have felt the same way, about sleeping and about eating. Why don't you try Kramer's experiment of sleeping...what was it, fifteen minutes every three hours?

AzĂșcar said...

I tried that the same day I installed a food disposal in my shower. Neither worked out.

Kiki said...

To me, hating sleeping is akin to having never watched Star Wars, therefore, those people are America-haters! Sometimes I can't think of a single thing I'd rather do than lie in bed and feel the softness of the mattress under every inch of me...and falling asleep in the process of concentratiing on that. Also, Tori Amos is playing in the background.

lisavalentineclark said...

I get my "second wind" around 10:30. . . I have to force myself to go to bed or else everyone else pays for it the next day.

My brother used to say the same thing about the "chore" of eating. . . ?! How could we be realted?

Kiki said...

I'm such the night owl, especially while on holiday. I haven't been going to bed until 4AM (at the earliest), and I haven't been getting up until about 1PM (at the latest). My schedule is all kinds of messed up right now. I'm on Hawai'i time.

c jane said...

Alas, I love the sleeping HATE the eating.
What are we all to do?
After I master the eating, I am going to start the sleeping.
Ever heard of sun gazers? They don't do either.
Wishing I were a sun gazer,

~j. said...

It's not a TOILET.


Queen Scarlett said...

First of all... that is the most peaceful picture. What a perfect moment...and I love that you have music to accompany your blog post.

I love sleep - if I don't get enough I'm a total B*%^$. The only remedy for cranky Scarlett is sleep. I just wish I could add more time to a day.

Lately I've been up too late for me... 2am ... which may explain why when I finally fall asleep I feel like I haven't slept.

I do have an odd relationship with food. There are times I totally forget to eat - which brings on a headache...and then other times where I just revel in it. Lately - I've been dying to just be immersed in a restaurant that has to die for food... but haven't found one yet.

Rachel said...

ummm...i love the song! i'm going to go to (where songs are only 5 cents each---it's totally legal as for now---it's a download site from russia [with love])

as for sleep, i just had seven and a half hours, and i feel like i need 3 more. that's my problem. i never feel like i've had enough. and same with food, never enough. although, i'm on a good roll right now. ask me tomorrow, though, and you'll maybe find a different story.

Geo said...

Carina, those things you do on five hours of sleep are the things only happen for me in my dreams! That's why I wish I could sleep like a normal person, so I could feel the thrill of the "Good Things" for a few hours nightly.

"Sewn drapes"? *muttermuttermutteraargh*

La Yen said...

With 8 hours of sleep I barely get my bra on and a decent shower. On Sunday I went down for a nap at 4 pm and woke up at 8:30 the next morning. That was QUALITY.

Bek said...

Carina...I am a non sleeper too. I am now riding the Ambien snake, but if I get 5 hours a night I am lucky. It only stinks when I WANT sleep. I get all my sewing/painting/cooking prep done after 10 'clock at night.

Call me next time you are up!!!