Honey, in case you're thinking, "What would she like?" I've prepared this handy gift guide (because, let's be honest, we gave up long ago the pretense of surprise gifts around our house.)
First of all, remember this morning? This very morning when you were teasing me about my laptop bag not matching my outfit? Don't think I don't feel shame and regret about that every single day of my life, sweetheart. You, my dear, could fix it!
Mock croc--two of my very favorite words in the entire English language (when used together; separately they mean nothing to me.)
Wouldn't this be fun? Sure, it has only one, maybe two practical uses, but hey, it's a TORCH that blows FIRE.
Perhaps a set of clubs for my new favorite pastime? These are nice too. I won that whole box of golf balls that I have to use eventually (thanks, T.)
Remember how your child has left me with half sets of dinnerware? Remember that? You could make up for it you know...
Speaking of Target they have these mirrored tables....sigh. No, I have no idea where I'll put them, but I could find a place--believe me! The chrome airplane? The other chrome stacked open ovals sculpture? All totally unnecessary, but oh how tasty.
You know I'm all out right? Or rather, that World Spice keeps giving me the run around (something about their supplier in Iran and volatility in the region, total crap.) So I found another place to order (I did the legwork!)
Alphabet cookie cutters! Wait, that's what Guille wants for his birthday.
Maybe four hours in a totally clean house, totally alone
would be the best present. I could read a book, wouldn't that be heaven?