Friday, June 02, 2006

Sorry, can't :: and a yes I can

Nope, can’t read them:

Left Behind
Tuesdays with Morrie
Chicken Soup Books
Simple Abundance
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Who Moved My Cheese
Celestine Prophecy
Embraced By the Light
Bridges of Madison County
Message in a Bottle
Goodnight Moon
The Christmas Box
The Work and The Glory

and drumroll....


Care to convince me otherwise?


Dear Nutella,
Thanks for being there for me over the years. I'd like to specifically thank you for making the Sunday stale bread in Austria taste great. Remember me, you and the bananas? Or the apples? Those were crazy times, yo. I think people underestimate you on whole wheat bread. I'm here to tell you that you can go for the whole grain gamut, really. I think it's great that you're made with skim milk, that cuts down on your fat content fo' shure.

Sometimes you came in these individual plastic serving sizes covered with foil INCLUDING a mini-spatula for spreading. Except, you know me and my siblings, we would just lick it--no spatula needed! (Although, seriously, thanks, because you could draw with that spatula--a delicious chocolate Zen garden--and then wipe the slate clean with a tongue.)

I went to Smith's Market Fresh Everyday Smith's once and they HAD those individual foil-wrapped servings. I'd never seen them before here, and I haven't seen them since. I talked the management into letting me buy the whole box to take you home to my brother and sisters. That was awesome.
I noticed something today:

You're made with OVER 50 Hazelnuts per jar? I wonder how they measure that out. "48, 49, 50, 51, 52---that's enough! We said over 50 not nearly 60. Don't want to get too crazy!" Do you think that the factory worker's hand gets tired plunking them into the jar one by one? You'd probably have to be ambidextrous to avoid carpal tunnel.

I can't believe that you have no artificial colors or preservatives! You're practically health food (good with granola too.)

I won't tell your secret. Ok, maybe I will. That "Do Not Refrigerate" totally doesn't apply if you intend to eat directly with a spoon. In fact, you, cold and solid, are a delightful treat!*

Your friend and snacking compatriot,


*Seriously, though, don't spread cold Nutella on bread because that's just a crumbly-messed up disaster waiting to happen.


Kiki said...

I miss Nutella on toasted Einsteins sunflower seed bagels. I wish we had an Einsteins bagel place...or any bagel place for that matter.

~j. said...

Woah, woah, woah. What did Goodnight, Moon ever do to you?

Azúcar said...

Each of those books is associated with too many people asking for them, or a level of permeance that drove me nuts.

Also, don't like the color scheme.

c jane said...

I went to have a heaping spoonfull of Nutella the other day and it tasted like rotten cashews. It was like 2 years older than the expiration date. So...there is some advice for you.

Emmie said...

Like I've always said, just a spoonful of Nutella helps the medicine (bread, peanut butter, granola, fruit, cheese) go down!

I'm with you on Work and The Glory. One of the things that bothers me is that I've heard people say it strengthened their testimony. Testimony of what? Fiction?

That said - I often enjoy historical fiction. I'm hypocritical that way.

Kiki said...

I was so overtaken by the Nutella earlier, that I forgot to suggest some books that should be on that list. I have never read, never will read, have never seen, never will see Nicolas Sparks stories. Emotional manipulation makes me angry. Nicolas Sparks is the most offensive person on the planet because of what he writes.

Azúcar said...

It doesn't have any preservatives! Is it good? Is it rancid? Smell before you try! Life at your own peril!

Rachel said...

yum. the little foil single servings are available here at COST PLUS WORLD MARKET. but i don't think you have that in the UT. but you could ask one us SURFAHS to pick you up a few...or a box?

Azúcar said...

REALLY?! I would love to snag some of those for the fam damily. When are you next coming our direction?

La Yen said...

I'll say! I'm gonna start a paper route right now!

We gots the cost plus here--take some back with you!

My mom gave Jooj Goodnight moon--I had never seen it before, and I just don't care about it. Big whoop, I say.
Add to that the "I love you forever." I think that it is manipulative and creepy. And I don't want my mom scaling my roof to sneak in to breast feed me and sing me that creepy song.
I do:
Francis books
Sandra Boynton books
Those silly mysteries with recipes inside. I pretend I have a commercial kitchen and am Lutheran.

I am going to purchase some Nutella today, because it has been too long, and Jooj needs to be exposed.

La Yen said...

Is you are special that one with the pinnochios and the red dots? Because I HATES me that one. I read it when it was the Sneetches.

Azúcar said...

You're a better mom than I. I've never exposed El Guille to Nutella. Why? Because it's all for ME!


Azúcar said...

YES. Red dots.

compulsive writer said...

Know what you mean about the books (except I do like Tuesday's With Morrie and Goodnight Moon).

I almost got shunned when I gave "The Christmas Box" a bad review at Enrichment Night one year.

I have a similar aversion to Oprah books (except the ones I read and loved long before Oprah became Queen of the World).

Love your Ode to Nutella.

wendysue said...

Ah yes, Nutella. It's been a long time for us too. You and I survived many a meal with BYU Jerusalem. I swear that's all we ate on our long road trips. Acutally, not true, it was bread, nutella and watermelon. And now, thanks to you, it's on my shopping list. . .

Rachel said...

francis books are my absolute fave. she is hilarious and precocious, and my little leah reminds me of her in oh so many ways.

LuckyRedHen said...

Nutela, me and a spoon at 8yrs old in a German barn amongst the hay and silence. Sometimes other kids would join me but they had to bring their own jar. Ain't no sharin' my Nutela.

My blog page has moved to...

Kiki said...

AMEN to the "I love you forever" book. CREE! PY! One of my mission companions loved that book, and she was telling me about it one night. I wanted to throw up.

I know this isn't the time or place, but tonight at cinema I saw a preview for the movie "The Lake House", and I already hate this film. I wanted to heave dinner right on the head of the person in front of me. It is the cheesiest, dumbest, biggest waste-of-time premis I've ever seen. I just want to throw that out there because there's really no forum for us to discuss this. I'm this close (forefinger and thumb ever so lightly touching) to banning Sandra Bullock forever.

Azúcar said...

Like Keanu? He's on the "Discard Immediately" pile of actors. It's like he's the reverse Midas. And he's in The Lake House.

~j. said...

Is The Lake House a Nicolas Sparks thing? It seems that way to me.

Kiki said...

It doesn't look like it's based on a novel. That would be too perfect for it to be Nicolas Sparks. I would feel completely and concretely justified in thumbing my nose at him forever....or not even thumbing my nose. Doing nothing. I would be justified.

lisa v. clark said...

What about HARVEY PORTER? Can you help me find those HARVEY PORTER books my grandson's bean tellin' me about?!

~j. said...

It's a book. And it's blue.

Geo said...

Speaking of nuts, I read a recipe for some choco-chippers last month that called for "200 chocolate chips". Never mind what I was doing looking at cookie recipes when doc says no sugar, just appreciate with me the wondrous OCD-ness of the find.

LuckyRedHen said...

24 (now 25) comments for a post?

Ahh, the power of chocolate.

spitzer said...

Deutsch? Sie haben Osterreich besucht, ja?

Azúcar said...

Ich habe in Osterreich gewohnte! Wir haben im Baden Bei Wien gewohnt, aber es ist viele Jahre. Und miene Deutsch ist aber sehr schlect, es tutmirleid. Meine vater hat auch im Graz gewohnt.
I liebe Osterreich und vielicht kann ich dort wieder besuchen eines Tages.

Und die?

spitzer said...

Toll! Ich habe zwei Jahre deutsch studiert, und besuche einen Monat in Dresden. Ich würde in Deutschland lieben leben (und werde einen tag), aber mein deutsch brauche arbeiten, klar.

Azúcar said...

Wir haben auch in Der Schweiz und Deutschland gewohnt. Ganz in der nahe von Stuttgart und auch Tubingen in Deutschland. In Der Schweiz, in Zurich fur der Universitaat. Mein Vater ist ein Professor und unterrichtet religion jetzt an BYU.