Friday, August 18, 2006

Hep Me

There is a not-so-good smell in my house and I can’t find it. I know that someone (El Guille) put something (food) someplace (WHERE?) and I can’t locate the offending substance. All I know is that when I walk into my house it’s wafting from locations unknown and I can’t handle it. Granted, I might be smelling things that aren’t there, what am I talking about? IT EXISTS. However, when I try to find it sensory overload kicks in and my formerly refined nose can’t find it (it will probably be sentient by the time I find it.)

Other Half left for the weekend with friends to Cali. I was good wife and let him drive away when everything inside my head was screaming “NOoooo, please, I am so sick, I need to lay down, not move, not take care of another human being, help, the house, disaster, can’t, can’t, can’t.” He never goes anywhere for fun and this is his break, so I hugged him goodbye. Help. My house had a supercell inside. I feel like this, only my house is worse. The sad thing is that I still think I can DO IT ALL. It’s all in my head, I'm sure.

I haven’t exercised for more than two weeks. Last Thursday I thought, “Well, enough is enough. You just have to toughen up, get it together, pull it together, girl. Suck it up!!” Bright and early, I pulled out my exercise mat to attempt my usual 45 minutes of yoga or Pilates. Mentally tough, pulled together, start the program! About 9.5 minutes into warm-up, in the middle of down-dog, everything went s p a r k l y. My breath quickened and then things started spinning. I gave up the pretense and lied down on my exercise mat. There I stayed for the next 30 minutes. Somehow I found myself converted into a car track and stuffed animal prop. So maybe this whole sick thing isn’t in my head, maybe I really AM exhausted, maybe this isn’t something I can just tell myself to snap out of (go figure!) I resolve to listen again to what my poor body is telling me (which is to use it as weight resistance when lowering to the couch.)

My body is also making me eat every two hours. If I don’t, I feel awful, which means I don’t feel like eating anything, which makes it worse. GREAT, a spiral from which I cannot extricate myself. I don’t quite understand how you can be drifting off to sleep and have to make a run for the porcelain throne, but there it is. So I watch Globe Trekker( Snowdon! Shin-kicking in the Cotswolds!), catch up on my Project Runway (Allison? Really? Vincent is such an idiot), and munch my whole wheat toast, hoping that the ginger ale will keep everything down (PULL it together! Suck it up! )

My friend asked me if I could watch her son tomorrow for a few hours while they were at a wedding, I said “SURE!” Maybe the two toddlers can occupy themselves, or maybe Nemo can help. This is for certain, I have to find that smell or I am going to be very, very embarrassed when they step through the door.

One other thing is for certain, I really want a muumuu.


compulsive writer said...

Sorry you're feeling crappy.

You house looks really great. Seriously. I like kid-stuff around when it's only one kid. Messes are like compounding interest the more kids you have, I'm afraid to say.

This week I have wished I could wear a muumuu to work. With slippers of course.

Good luck with the smell thing.

wendysue said...

I affectionately call my nose during pregnancy. . .ROBO-NOSE. If I were pregnant I could walk in your home and hone in on it in 2.8 seconds. Then again, when I was pregnant I think I made up smells. Everyday it was "Don't you smell that?" "What is that smell?" I recommend high doses of Ginger ale, toast and maybe a nose plug? Hang on. It really will end.

Kiki said...

If I were in Provorem, I would come over to your house and search out the offending hidden thing.

La Yen said...

What color? I will send it with your smock.
1. inside your grates that are near the floor (think stuffed olive or cheese or berry smashed into fun lines like a play-do.)
2. Behind counch
3. In vcr or dvd slot
4. Bottom of his shoes
5. In his shoes.

This is me said...

Are you missing any sippy cups or anything like that? I found one under our couch once. The milk wasn't stinking yet but it was all curdled and cottage cheese-y. So gross.

I also suffered from ultra sensitive pregnancy nose (twice). Only with me, I was always convinced that something was on fire. I lived in a hyper state of paranoia for 9 months. It drove my husband (and me) totally crazy.

And, I always say that you should NEVER have to pull it together or suck it up during pregnancy. People should be catering to you. Amen and amen.

noelle feather said...

Vincent (PR) is a tool.

Queen Scarlett said...

I had this smell problem early in the pregnancy... solution - hired the cleaning ladies to clean every week. It helped. Once I got back to normal...didn't need that weekly deal. ;-)

You so nice to babysit. I just got asked to babysit 3 elementary kids and I'm at the sore... 5 weeks away to birthing uncomfortable - moves like a turtle woman. I'm calling the compassionate service folks to find someone who can do that babysitting crap. ;-)

Lorien said...

Potatoes. Look for an old bag of potatoes. We keep ours clear downstairs in a cellar with the door shut, but when they go bad, we can smell it all the way upstairs. We call it the Mystery Smell. Happened a few weeks ago, in fact. By the way, no trying to salvage the good ones by reaching into the slimy bag and pulling them out. Toss the whole thing out and suck up the two bucks. Life lessons from Lorien.

Lorien said...

OOOOH! Word verification may have just given a clue. It said "OVEWN." Is anything weird in your oven?

wendysue said...

Aha! Lorien. . .it's all coming back to me. . .I had a nasty smell somewhere in my kitchen when I was pregnant. I conned my sister into coming over to find it for me so I didn't puke all over making the situation worse. . .it was an old bag of nasty potatoes!

Any luck finding the suspect of nastiness yet?

This is me said...

Lorien wins. Gotta be potatoes. Happened to us a few months ago. I can't believe I completely forgot about that when I commented earlier.

Greatest word verification EVER:

c jane said...

You are right. You really want a mu mu.

metamorphose said...

I hope you're able to find the evil smelling thing and put yourself out of your misery.

Rachel said...

the nose is the pregnant woman's curse! there are still soaps i can't use because they made me want to gag when i was pregnant. with pregnancy #1, i would almost barf whenever we drove by a chinese restaurant---even with all windows rolled up, i could smell it so strongly. yikes. that is one thing i don't look forward to, if i should ever happen to go your route again.

tip: the sour altoids work phenomenally well for morning sickness. i could go through one whole circular tin in 2 days---i'd have a hole burnt in my mouth from the acidity, but at least i wasn't puking.

another hint: somehow carry something that smells like lemons wherever you go. if you're getting particularly nauseated, pull out the lemon item and sniff away. morning sickness, be gone!

April said...

Please don't get a muumuu. My mother practically lived in one when I was younger, and it was so embarrassing.

Hope you find the mystery stink!

La Yen said...

Sorry, April, but Az's muu muu is in the mail, c/o ~j. THe best Mexico could give for $4.99

Azúcar said...

OH my gosh... I can post a comment. I have been unable to do so for days now.

Ok. I feel bad I blamed El Guille, when it wasn't his fault. My husband had rinsed out dishes and left them in the sink for further processing at a later date. Only he didn't rinse out the bottom two. Oh the humanity.

Julie said...

OH the stench. Glad you found the culprit.

Bek said...

Wow....that is bad. I came home from a weeks vacation to a sippy cup left under the couch. Yes.

I agree w/ the potatoes..the only thing worse is chicken packaging...I have bat senses even when NOT I feel your pain.

I CANNOT BELIVE THEY CUT ALLISON. GRRR. How has Vincent made it this far?

Geo said...

Wow, I crawl into a hole for half the summer and when I come out I discover that all sorts of exciting things have been happening around here. You are pregnant! Wow, congrats! That is wonderful news, exhaustion and superolfactories notwithstanding. I'm so happy for you!