Friday, October 27, 2006

Azúcar vs. Nana

Several years ago I heard a horror story about a friend who went to the doctor for her ultrasound and because the baby wouldn't move, they couldn't tell the gender. Now some people love the surprise of not knowing what the baby will be. I am not one of those people. I need to mentally, physically, and clothing-ly prepare for the new person. In the ongoing theme of my life, I am too controlling to not know the gender.

The urban legend of The Baby Who Wouldn't Move haunted my dreams until I formed a battle plan. 1 hour before my Guille ultrasound I drank a whole can of Diet Coke. In the ensuing 56 minutes I ate both a caramel Twix and a pack of chewy Spree. There was NO WAY that this kid wasn't going to be moving. When the tech applied the COLD gel to my belly and starting moving around the wand that kid was hopping! "Wow," said the tech, "Now that's an active baby!" I copped to the drugging of my unborn child. Instead of calling CPS, the tech laughed. When I told my mom (aka Nana Azúcar, La Profesora) she was horrified. How dare I do that to her one and only grandchild? A coke and sugar? What am I? The Worst Mother Ever?

The best thing about La Profesora is that she forgets everything. Ok, ok, it used to be infuriating, especially since she can't remember the names of even my oldest friends, people I've known for 25 years. I wore a brooch to her house the other day and she mused out loud, "Huh, I used to have a brooch that looked just like that." I replied, "I know. It was yours until you were scrambling around for another Christmas present and wrapped up a brooch you already owned and then gifted it to me."
So even though she gets distressed, positively aghast, at my actions quite frequently, she also never remembers them long enough to do any lasting damage (except for those pesky 'when you were a kid' stories that she clearly remembers enough to actually relate them when she speaks at BYU Devotional.)

Yesterday, on the car ride over to the midwives, I reminded J and Nana that I purposefully spiked El Guille’s amniotic fluid. It was worth it to see her get totally and completely horrified again. I didn’t spike this year for several reasons: 1.) I’m limiting my sugar so that I don’t get gestational diabetes, 2.) I wondered if consuming caffeine would raise my blood pressure and I am trying to watch that as well. I did buy the Diet Coke, but didn’t follow-through.

The tech applied the warmed gel (aaahhhh) and pressed the wand onto my belly. Segundo was just kind of hanging out. He wasn’t moving a lot and his legs were crossed at the ankles. “SEE,” I said, “I should have had the coke.” “Yes, you should have! Why didn’t you?” cried La Profesora.

I win.


sue-donym said...

What a great feeling...winning, I mean. I always recommend a Diet Coke. It works for almost anything. It might even bring Nana's memory back.

Rhonda said...

LOL...that's hysterical. I knew Diet Coke could be used for good.

fijiangirl said...

I love it when that happens... when I win against the mom! Isn't funny when things that were fine for you as a child are now competely unacceptable for their grandchildren!

Queen Scarlett said...

More proof that you are just WAY more interesting than the rest of us...;-) You are hilarious.

lisa v. clark said...

I recommend Coke Zero. Much better than nasty aftertaste Diet Coke.

LuckyRedHen said...

Your OWN mom regifted TO YOU! Riot!

Rachel said...

with my leah, i didn't find out until 33 weeks. and i even did the diet [pepsi]. esther got a 24 ouncer and she was all girl the first minute we found her on the screen. if i ever have another, i'm going straight for the 44. better luck next time?