jetsetgreen

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Things I've Tried in an Effort to Relax

This morning at the office I walked by the ping-pong table at least three times and I seriously considered playing a game. That’s almost as relaxing as having actually played a game, I swear.

I did yoga last week, but had to drop the meditation part at the end because it made me a floor target of super-jumping/hurling/diver El Guille de Magnifico. So I am about 7 out of 10 on relaxing through formal exercise.

We did go to the park two late afternoons in a row. Watching another mom trying to sneak in a ciggy at Rock Canyon Park while no one was looking made me snicker, which is relaxing. However, she was wearing some really awful plaid shorts, so I think the experience was a wash.

I love my new DVR, but the pressure to watch all these things that I’ve recorded is a little intense. These feelings of guilt are too much. I went ahead and deleted four programs from the list last night and experienced a profound sense of relief. No longer would I have to page past Frank Lloyd Wright’s Buffalo with pangs of guilt when I selected something vacuous like Project Runway. So what if I’m not learning more about Buffalo, New York’s architectural heritage, it will be ok if I decide to watch Battlestar Galactica instead, right?

It might be time to let my one-sided feud with the postman go. I put up two, count them two, labels on my mailbox asking for him not to put newspapers in the box. Despite those clear signs, he has continued to put the newspapers in the mailbox. The free paper I hate, by the way. That is why every time you come to my house the mailbox is stuffed. It’s civil disobedience, man! I’m fighting the junk mail power! I figure everyday I don’t pick up the mail is one more day he has to jam new mail into the box making it an unenviable task fraught with possible finger-jamming. It’s not laziness—it’s principle! Still, I don’t think, after three years, he gets it. Time to cede to the man, I can’t fight city hall!

I did not, as expected, have a complete meltdown at Elaine’s French Bakery last Saturday when I found out that they will no longer open until 10 making it impossible for me to pick up a baguette for breakfast on my way into work. I should be grateful that I will no longer be wasting gas to drive a little out of my way for that crusty, warm, multi-grain baguette. Yes, all of a sudden I’m going to turn into the silver-linings-Pollyanna-happiness that we all love to encounter in our fellow human beings. I will not dwell on the negative but ceaselessly find the positive. Or maybe I should just be happy that I didn’t ask for the manager to yell at while at Elaine’s. For the best probably, I can only yell one thing in French that sounds serious, “J’accuse!” It would probably mean nothing to the owner of a bakery, but if this was mid-revolutionary France our very next scene would be some ugly woman knitting while we all watched a guillotine make a swift descent.

I found some new music to calm me down. My noise-cancelling headphones help drown out the noise pollution in an office that can drive you slowly crazy (vents, buzzing, people asking you stupid questions, the phone ringing.) Here’s the problem: if I only listen to the music when my dander is high, will I eventually come to associate the dulcet tones of Rogue Wave with an anger-inducing pavlovian response? THIS IS SO COMPLICATED.

19 comments:

La Yen said...

Sounds like you need to hug it out, bitch.

La Yen said...

I feel yucky for saying that. Even in quotationing. Are we still friends?

Azúcar said...

I know you like Ann Taylor earrings.

La Yen said...

Fashion Show! Fashion Show! Fashion Show at Lunch!

undefined said...

If you reject a woman, she'll never forgive you. It's one of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

I don't mean to butt in, but I couldn't help myself!

c jane said...

Hooray for noise-cancelling headphones! What? I don't hear a thing!
Also: It was relaxing AND enjoyable being at the hospital with you yesterday talking to Rachel Ray and her newbie.

mander said...

I love that the comments section turned into quoting The Office. Sadly you have already all used up the quotes I knew from that ep. I must have pretendonitis.

rachel ray said...

HEEEEEYYYYY!!!!! SHOES AND PAAAAAAAAAASTA!!!!!

Azúcar said...

Rachael Ray, only you could mispell your own name! Hey, you know what you should do? You should totally ask a local where they like to eat! That's my tip to you!

ra'ch'l rae said...

I'M ALWAYS CHANGING THE SPELLING OF MY NAME! THAT'S YUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!

Rachael Ray's pet said...

I love Rach's pasta!

Azúcar said...

Are you sure you don't want some STOUP?

kelly pipa said...

What's stoup?

Azúcar said...

A word that Raeyechahal Ray made up. You know! Thicker than soup, thinner than stew! She's fraking brilliant!


!!

Queen Scarlett said...

You are always entertaining...and brilliant. I'm with you on the free paper. I just let it rot outside on my driveway. It always eventually disappears... not sure if my hubby picks it up and chucks it...but I follow a strict - don't ask policy. And... the stupid questions and buzzing at work... reminds me why I'm so grateful not to be in the office anymore. Do you get the weirdos that come in and just stand there in your office door... not saying a word...and you purposefully don't look up or say anything hoping they'll get to the point or go away... but they don't ... can we shoot them??? ;-) Not to paint a whole country this way - but the only ones that have done that to me were Canadians here on visas.

compulsive writer said...

Top five recommendations to help Carina relax...

1. Daily pedicures

2. OK, why bother with anything more?

But seriously, noise-cancelling head phones is a great idea, but what really works is listening to light jazz music while wearing a light-cancelling cucumber gel eye-mask and contemplating the virtues of Xanax. You don't even have to actually take it. Just thinking about it helps.

Can you get away with that at your office???

PS Is there a specific time I should have dinner to ~j tomorrow? (Obviously long before 8 or 9 pm when I would get around to feeding my family...but do they have a regular dinner hour I should aim for?)

c jane said...

CW- Are you bringing stoup? I hope because I am ~J's neighbor and I can come over and have some too.

Azúcar said...

QS - Nope, I don't get the door standers. My office is so inviting that people just walk on in at any time and have a seat. They know better than to come in without something to say or a question to ask--I'm intimidating. :)

CW- Check your email for details. I could get away with the eye mask at work, if I could deal with the copious snickers from my compatriots. Then again, I can always shut my office door and refuse entry to anyone not on the list...

compulsive writer said...

cjane: Homemade chicken pot pie, which is the ultimate comfort food in my book, but sometimes doesn't go over well with small children. So there might be leftovers...