jetsetgreen

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

They said it wouldn't last, We had to prove them wrong

Britney files for divorce from Kevin Federline citing irreconcilable differences.

My feelings would be be expressed through a monologue from the Lifetime Television presentation of "The Betty Broderick Story" starring Meredith Baxter-Birney.

I remember it was dawn, and the sun was just.. the sun was just barely rising. And I.. I took the gun out of a little wooden box in my room.. and I got outside, and I got into my car.. then I drove.. and I drove.. and I drove over to Dan Broderick and Linda's house. And then I.. and then I.. broke into their front door and I.. slowly climbed up the stairs.. and to their bedroom, and I saw them sleeping there, and I just shot them both! I hate you, Dan! I hate you! I hate you!

19 comments:

Emily said...

What does it mean that you were the first person I thought of when I read the sad news?

LuckyRedHen said...

Wow. That's deep.

April said...

First of all, bravo on the monologue. Mary Catherine would be proud.

Second, this is the first I've heard about the divorce filing. So, bravo again for this breaking news coverage.

sue-donym said...

Wasn't Meredith Baxter-Birney great as Betty? Although it is no longer "-birney".

I am shocked, devestated, and crushed to hear the news. I thought thy would last .... 3 more days.

Bek said...

I saw that too....is it weird that I wanted to call my friends and talk about it?

I bet Britany is glad for her overbearing mamma now. Shar Jackson is laughing right now.......

compulsive writer said...

More crushed over Reese...

Emmie said...

I think I need to perform that monologue for an audition.

The Scooter Lounge said...

Here's the deal: I don't like Britney any more than the next guy is willing to admit. I thought she was stupid and silly and not as cute as she was made out to be.

But now I actually have a little more of a feeling that kinda resembles respect for her.

Look at the other pop tarts of her generation. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson-- Druggerexia, Ho with a big nose, and Bimbette. Compared to her peers, the Britster is looking pretty good for having the sense and the self-respect to leave a no-talent, brainless hack.

The Scooter Lounge said...

I can't believe I just said that.

~j. said...

Can't believe you just said what? No-talent, brainless hack? I think you're referring to rapper-dancer Kevin Federline.

That's my new favorite: rapper-dancer Kevin Federline.

Once, years ago, my brother and I heard the following on the radio: Superstar Richard Marx (Marks?). Now, according to me, that's his full name, Superstar being his first name.

I propose that kfed's name now be RAPPER-DANCER KEVIN FEDERLINE.

Great monologue.

Britney Spears said...

I forgive the Scooter Lounge for what he said. I mean, he's wearing a math teacher shirt, and no one takes math teacher's seriously, y'all. SERIOUSLY!

Like, two months ago, I was sittin' on my couch eatin' some cheetoes and watchin' "The BBS" on Lifetime. And I related. I mean, I didn't go all batsh** crazy at my daughter's graduation, because I don't even HAVE a daughter, but I wanted to kill Kevin. So when I signed my name on that divorce petition, I thought, "Kiss my popo zao, you no talent [what math teacher said]!"

Now, I feel liberated, and I've stopped eatin' cheetoe's and started workin out, and umm...did y'all see me on Letterman last night? I'm comin' back, girls and math teacher. Respect that!

And thanks for sticking up for me, ~j. Us Spears gotsta stick together. LYLAS.

P.S. Rapper-dancer Kevin Federline...HAHAHAHA HE SO WISHES! Pray for my babies, y'all.

La Yen said...

Serio.

I saw the news yesterday, and almost called you, mid-morning pero with International Delights Mint Truffle Creamer be damned!

I am proud of her. In the way that you can be proud of someone who aspires to be Madonna, but without shoes or upper-arm strength.

La Yen said...

And I would have chosen the Cybil Shepherd monologue from Martha Inc where she throws the pans at her BFF's head. Or maybe from Mother May I sleep with Danger when Tori rebels. But BBS is always a good choice, irregardlessly.

c jane said...

Please. Please somebody tell me that they have recieved revelation that Brit is going to get back with Justine and this universe will be right again.

La Yen said...

But where would Cameron Diaz go, with her pock-marked face and proclivity for gross comedies? She is not uch a hot ticket anymore, you know. Maybe someone could start a charity for her.

wendysue said...

Please tell me at the end of your monologue you did a flying leap backwards and crashed into a table or door of some sort. . .love it.

My favorite Mary Katherine Gallager moment is with Steven Tyler singing Sweet Emotion for the tryouts to be the next Aerosmith chick. Hilarious.

c jane said...

La Yen, Do you think I care? I don't. Even.

Britney Spears said...

Me neither, c jane!

Kiki said...

B, I LOVE this!