I admit it, I am about to totally trash a movie I have not seen nor intend on ever seeing. In the world of film criticism, no matter how removed I currently am from it, this is a bit of a faux pas. There are times, however, where one must take a stand and I am taking a stand now.
If movies like Because I Said So are what you think I would like, we need to have a talk. It’s obvious that the entire movie is an attempt to appeal to women and I, being in full possession of my faculties, resent the implication. Because I Said So is the worst kind of film: pandering, manipulative, and formulaic all dressed up as feel-good chick fare. Do you think I am stupid? You must.
We have to be through. You try to feed me refuse like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days—really any ‘chick’ movie title will do—and I’m supposed to be THANKFUL? Thankful for the crumbs you brush off the studio lot? Thankful that you put a woman into a movie and tried to market it to me, my sisters, and my mom? You suck.
Tonight I went to see a real movie: The Departed. Oh? Girls aren’t supposed to like gangster movies? Sorry. I like gangster movies, Tarantino movies, and all kinds of Ridley Scott/Kevin Smith/Peter Jackson/Steven Soderbergh movies. I can’t believe it took me this long to see the latest Scorsese. Of course, I don’t get to see movies these days like I used to. Gone are the days of spontaneous trips to the theater, or the easy money for a weekend show. Life gets more complicated and time more precious. That’s why I can’t bear to spend a minute of my time watching rubbish intended to make me ‘feel good’ only by the sheer fact that I have ovaries.
Yours in acrimony,
The Jet Set