jetsetgreen

Friday, February 02, 2007

I’ve Always Reminded Myself of Grace Kelly

I admit it, I am about to totally trash a movie I have not seen nor intend on ever seeing. In the world of film criticism, no matter how removed I currently am from it, this is a bit of a faux pas. There are times, however, where one must take a stand and I am taking a stand now.

Dear Hollywood,

If movies like Because I Said So are what you think I would like, we need to have a talk. It’s obvious that the entire movie is an attempt to appeal to women and I, being in full possession of my faculties, resent the implication. Because I Said So is the worst kind of film: pandering, manipulative, and formulaic all dressed up as feel-good chick fare. Do you think I am stupid? You must.

We have to be through. You try to feed me refuse like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days—really any ‘chick’ movie title will do—and I’m supposed to be THANKFUL? Thankful for the crumbs you brush off the studio lot? Thankful that you put a woman into a movie and tried to market it to me, my sisters, and my mom? You suck.

Tonight I went to see a real movie: The Departed. Oh? Girls aren’t supposed to like gangster movies? Sorry. I like gangster movies, Tarantino movies, and all kinds of Ridley Scott/Kevin Smith/Peter Jackson/Steven Soderbergh movies. I can’t believe it took me this long to see the latest Scorsese. Of course, I don’t get to see movies these days like I used to. Gone are the days of spontaneous trips to the theater, or the easy money for a weekend show. Life gets more complicated and time more precious. That’s why I can’t bear to spend a minute of my time watching rubbish intended to make me ‘feel good’ only by the sheer fact that I have ovaries.

Signed,

Yours in acrimony,

The Jet Set

19 comments:

compulsive writer said...

Here's my take. I watched the preview and noticed it stars Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton bears a striking resemblance--at least to me--to one of my good friends. I just saw about two brief scenes in which her character interacts with her children and I and thought to myself, this character is my good friend L~.

So eventually I will have to see it, pandering chick-flick or no. (But if it makes you feel any better, I won't shell out $7.50 for it. I'll wait and rent it when the DVD comes out.)

Last chick flick for which I allowed myself to be pandered to: Devil Wears Prada. It was worth it. As you may have noticed, I am no fashionista. But I sat there in my Birkenstocks and was practially drooling.

compulsive writer said...

(Of course I meant practically.)

Tori :) said...

Amen!!

metamorphose said...

Ugh. I can't agree with the post enough. The previews for this movie make me cringe. I feel insulted.

metamorphose said...

Um, my comment doesn't make much sense. So I'll redeem myself with a swift and hearty, "AMEN!"

fijiangirl said...

Last movie I saw in the theater....Happy Feet. Fun because of the look on my children's faces! The only movie I have really wanted to see recently was the Persuity of Happyness. I saw the man the movie is based off of on a television interview and was quite impressed with him.

Lyle said...

How could Hollywood be out of touch with the viewer? That's like saying terrorist are out of touch with God.

lisa v. clark said...

Things I cannot stand in any movie (chick flick or not):

1. "impromptu" singing into a hairbrush
2. "mom" getting caught making out
3. two people who hate each other at the beginning of the movie come to love each other by the predictable end.
4. sassy, awesome lines the writer(s) is obviously really, really proud of like "mom, stop being a helicopter; you're hovering!"

April said...

I LOVED "The Departed." So flippin' sweet.

Anyway, though I love Lorelei (what's her real name?), I refuse to see "Because I Said So." I hate Mandy Moore. I hate the title. And I hate the thought of Diane Keaton getting laid.

luckyzmom said...

Lauren Graham.

Kiki said...

Is this a petition? Can I sign it?

I used to have a girl-crush on Lauren Graham before I saw the previews to this movie. Now, I can't stand the sight. HAVE YOU SEEN HER NECK?! She could put any linebacker to shame with that trunk! Was she a linebacker before she became an actress? Because that would make sense.

Also, everything Lisa V. Clark said up there. That line IS. AWFUL!

BowlerGirl said...

I freaking loved the Departed. Saw it opening weekend and anticipate the DVD release to view it some more. And Tarantino? we have a little secret love affair going on. I also heart random Kung Fu movies and general Chinese film. Now for my dirty secret, Im a movie whore. All that stuff listed above? Those fall into the FILM category. Total crappy chick flick trash and the such are place promptly into the movie category. Will I shell out $10 at the theater for this illicit garbage? Not on your life. Do I love my Holywood MVP pass? You couldn't pry it out of my cold dead hands.

~j. said...

I kind of want to see it.

Azúcar said...

That's what my sister said on the way in to see The Departed. I said, "What?"

She said, "You know, I want to see Because the same way I want to see Torque.

Ahh, that I get.

Bek said...

What? You didn't like "As Good as Because I Said It SOOOO Gets?" What is wrong with you? ;-)

I'll go see it with you Jen... I don't need my movies to have great writing, an interesting plot or even decent acting. I will see anything that might make me laugh. I cannot stand conflict in movies...so as much as I wANT to see movies like The Departed, they make me to crazy.... so, Hollywood makes Diane Keaton movies for people like me...who don't expect much, they just want to drink their enormous Diet Coke in peace...

compulsive writer said...

I want to come. Because even if the movie wasn't worth a cool $7.50, the company sure would be.

Rachel said...

Oh my gosh, please tell me you didn't bring up Because I Said so! I have such a beef with this movie.

A) The title. Seriously? This is what they decided to go with?

B) Diane Keaton in a naggy, middle-aged mother role? Way to break out of the mold, Diane. We've never seen you as that before.

C) Diane, we get it. You're old and in shape. Please stop subjecting us to nude scenes and scenes of your skinny nasty legs hanging out of your white granny panties. I can't take it. I really can't.

This movie has gotta suck. Why? Because I said so.

metamorphose said...

Hahaha, I love Rachie's comment. And Kiki's. Oh so funny.

b. said...

I thought Diane Keaton was dead.