Saturday, March 03, 2007

Rules I Live By

Over my vast decades of experience I’ve pulled together a few theories on life, basically my very own This I Believe without the cohesive single topic.
One of my favorite theories is the No-makeup/Yes-makeup Rule for going to the store.

If you go to the store looking pulled together, you will run into no one.

If you go to the store in shambles—no makeup, no shower for three days, taco sauce stains on your shirt, those really bad jeans that you swore you’d only ever wear around your house, and the comfy shoes that make you look short and stumpy—you’ll see everyone.

First you will see your ex who broke your heart
thereby confirming their decision.

Next your old neighbors, who haven’t seen you in a dozen years
and used to remember you fondly.

Naturally, the friends with whom you’ve lost touch prompting them to place you into the definitely-over friend category.

People that you went to school with
and never thought you’d see again.

Your significant other’s ex.

That is why you will see me in the parking lot of the store applying a little lip color and doing a quick wardrobe review before even stepping out of the car. It’s not so that I can impress the people in the store, it’s to prevent running into anyone I don’t want to talk to.


luckyzmom said...

So, I am not the only one that happens to.

I'll be taking your grooming review ritual to heart.

compulsive writer said...

So right on!

Let me add this scenario: or the disheveled you will be pushing the cart containing your three disheveled children (whom you just dragged out of the sandbox because this is an emergency) down the aisle and you will bump into a former elder from your mission who was really fine and whom you haven't seen in years and with whom you were really good friends. And you will ask him what he's been up to and he will tell you how he's getting his master's degree--maybe even a doctorate--and he's been doing internships abroad and volunteering for Amnesty International and surely much much more.

Then he will look at you in your dishevelment and ask, "So what about you?" And you will have absolutely nothing to say for yourself.

Tori :) said...

Oh so true! I always see people when I run in the store after exercising. It never fails... And it's always people I have to face at church on Sunday. So, I know they're thinking "So that's what she REALLY looks like. Ewww..."

Emmie said...

This happens to me every single time I'm in Utah visiting family. Quick run to the grocery store in an old sweatshirt=running into at least one ex-boyfriend and/or a friend from high school who I haven't seen in ten years.

But remember when I saw you at Day's, and we hadn't seen each other in forever, and you looked TOTALLY cute, and our chance meeting confirmed your place in my definitely-friends category? (Of course, I can't remember what I was wearing, but I probably looked unkempt. Be honest.)

fijiangirl said...

This is too true. How about wearing NO make-up and your ex doesn't even recognize you for the first few minutes!

dandee said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one! Never fails, every time I look like crap, I see those people I NEVER want to see.

Tiffany said...

I can still remember exactly what I was wearing when I saw the ex that broke my heart. I looked nasty.

I concur... it's so true. For this reason I was very excited to move to a new area. While in Utah, I would inevitably run into students at the store who were always shocked that I actually went to the grocery store. Most kids think we live at the school. ha ha.

metamorphose said...

I don't think there could ever be a more truthful post. I vote to just throw away the bad jeans. Or give them to goodwill. And to always keep a little lip color on hand.

b. said...

Such wisdom....thanks for teaching!

Geo said...

Sort of like wearing a crucifix to keep away vampires. Brilliant!