Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Thomas Blanket

Bernie worked as a server with me years ago. She was the leggiest brunette I'd ever seen, with green doe-eyes and a fast tongue. She was married to the manager of a different restaurant. He was just as tall as Bernie, but pock-marked and greasy; Ichabod in a uniform. They had a 15 month old son about whom I remember nothing identifiable.

One night after a shift I remember Bernie standing casually on her enviable legs with the child balanced on her off-center hip. She was telling me how this was her first and last baby. Bernie could not imagine how she could possibly love another child as much as junior, so she and her husband had decided this baby would be the only one.
It's easy to listen to people that beautiful--how could they be wrong about anything?
El Guille has been the center of everything for his entire life. The only child, the only nephew, the only grandchild on both sides. His world is about to turn upside down and he doesn't know it. I think he senses it, however. Lately his favorite game is a running head-butt into my belly. Does sibling rivalry start this early?
Never a snuggly child, he seeks what remains of my lap at all times, climbing me, constantly trying to get closer. Sometimes he'll throw in a wrestling elbow into the belly, annoyed at the space it takes.
Today he slung his arm around my neck to take these pictures, trying to press his body and face nearer to me, holding on as tightly as possible. I almost feel guilty. Practical me says, forget it! We all need to know where we fit and it's not always at the center! Then why the guilt?
Maybe someday he'll know that the center doesn't have to mean alone, that you can share the spotlight.
In the meantime, it will just be the two of us tonight, hiding under the Thomas blanket, reading rhymes and singing our songs.


pflower10 said...

My first did really well with his little sister when she came. He was 2 3/4 yrs old and very independent, so he adjusted well.

I hope you're feeling well.
Cute pics

ps. I didn't get a new word this time.

~j. said...

If you were to ask your leggy friend, perhaps she'd admit that before Junior came along, she didn't think it possible for her and her husband to ever love anyone more than they love each other.

And then Junior came, and their hearts, their capacity for loving, grew.

Each time you're filled up, and another is added to the mix, this happens.


luckyzmom said...

I agree with ~j.

AzĂșcar said...

The pictures are cuter if you click on them--for some reason the resolution is bugging on this post.

Sorry, P! It's not conscious so I can't promise big words all the time.

Now my 5'2" self thinks of Bernie and feels sad for her.

compulsive writer said...

Love this post! And I have loved watching two brothers grow up together. Even now when they are almost opposites of one another and think they don't really like one another.

El Guille is going to be a great big brother and will have a lot of fun with an accomplice in whatever boyhood mischief he decides to get into!

b. said...

He's such a cute boy, and smart too! He senses just love 'em the same, but different.

Julie said...

The new colors are yummy. El Guille will be fine, and so will you. See you tomorrow!

sue-donym said...

I know that you will always find a way to make El Guille feel special and especcially loved. my mom always made me feel like I was number one, even as I knew the same love was going to my sister (7 years younger) and knowing she felt the same way.

"We all need to know where we fit and it's not always at the center!" Great philosophy!

P.S. Ran into Gary today at the business expo for th first time since we graduated 20 years ago. He raved about YOU!

Tori :) said...

I like the new blog colors!!
I thought Taj would have a hard time when Livie came along, but he ended up doing awesome. He loves his sister!
You're a great mom and I'm sure knowing you will always be his mom will help.

Anonymous said...

Very cute pix.

Queen Scarlett said...

Love your photo booth pics. Priceless memories.

Kalea wouldn't even look or acknowledge Melia when she was first born... now she loves to play, hug, kiss her... and yeah... it breaks my heart when I have to tell her to wait ... to be hugged or played with...but like ~J says... it's amazing how your love expands...deepens.

Everyone told me that by #2 you don't do as much or hold them as much...I know two women who stopped breastfeeding #2 after 3 months because they felt bad for #1... so sad. I didn't find that to be true for me. In fact, because Melia is such a good baby I want to make sure she gets as much as Kalea did when she was her age. And...gosh milk better last until 18 months at least!

~cari~ said...

Priceless pictures! How cute!

Lorien said...

beautiful post.

I had a thomas blanket moment with my first the night before his little sister was born. We were cuddling on the couch, well past bedtime because I knew it was our last night. I cried. I cried with worry about loving #2 as much. I cried thinking I had to divide the love by 2 to make enough to go around. I cried because our alone time was over. But then the happiness and love just increased with the next baby. And the next. And the next. (Lest I sound too much of a romantic and in the spirit of emotional honesty I must disclose that the chaos and arguments and difficulties grew too, but they are all worth it.) But I think you are a wise woman and you know all of this already. Your post just made me remember. Thank you.

fijiangirl said...

the thing that surprised me adding #2 and #3 is that how much they loved eachother so quickly! If anyone was jealouse it was me because I wasn't as fun to be with as their brother or sister.

metamorphose said...

Tender. I love those pics. He's so handsome! And I love your sexy glasses.

Elizabeth said...

I like what ~j said about you thinking you could never love more, and then the children come, love MORE. :)
These pics are darling.

wendysue said...

I love those faces!!

Lucky Red Hen said...

What is WRONG with you people liking these new colors?!? I'm going cross-eyed, unfortunately. Darnit.

reva said...

What a wonderful entry! I'm worried about the same myself, except also, I'm really, really scared to have a boy. I have a fear of baby penises that squirt and have a mind of their own, and I'm terrified that when I decide to have another kiddo, it'll be a boy and deep down, I'll resent him for having a penis (reverse penis envy!!). Vaginas are so easy to manage.... yay for vaginas!!

fijiangirl said...

Hey reva...yesterday my not quite 3 year old daughter, (who has been competely potty trained for a year) actually tried to pee standing up! It got all over the floor and her pants, not a single drop where it was supposed to.. does that mean she has penis envy?

Geo said...

This is so wonderfully written. And those pictures—so full of love and warmth and fun. Treasures.