Saturday, April 21, 2007

Media Policies

The strangest documentaries come on TV at 2:00am.

The other night I watched a special on those little girl beauty pageants—Little Total International Fresh Face Miss or something like that. I gleaned the most marvelous piece of insight from Michael Booth. Mr. Booth is a Pageant Guru (yes, capitalized.) He was trying to explain to us from behind his frosted bangs and perfect tan that Little Total International Fresh Face Miss Honey Blossom is NOT just about external beauty. And I quote:

It’s about an inner beauty that you’re showing through your face that’s coming out

--Michael Booth
Pageant Guru

I’m sorry, that was so profound I’m a little choked up. Keep reading I’ll catch up with you in a minute.


Ok, I’m back.

Other Half took Proximo and me to see Hot Fuzz. We give it three enthusiastic thumbs up (although I have to say that Proximo hasn’t seen very many movies [two] and he nursed through some really crucial scenes, so he doesn’t have a great baseline for recommendations.)

If you saw Shaun of The Dead (if you haven’t, maybe you should) and you liked it, you’ll also like Hot Fuzz. If you watch a lot of Brit murder mysteries set in the charming countryside, but can also appreciate a bit of gore, you’ll like Hot Fuzz. If you’re a fan of Keanu Reeves-Will Smith action-type movies, Hot Fuzz is a guaranteed three-hanky flick.

I can also say that no matter how hungry you are when you get to the theater DO NOT order the nachos that come in the pre-packaged box because they are vile. Next time I’ll know that starving is a better option.

We have a small baby window on movies and some self-imposed policies that bear repeating. This newborn stage is funny because they can sleep through a lot of noise. As soon as they exit this stage, somewhere between two and four months, you can't bring the baby along anymore. Sorry, nope, find a sitter.

If your baby is young enough and still sleeps through everything, you should attend the correct screening time. Try to attend screenings during the week and during the day or early evening. DO NOT attend a Friday-Saturday seven, nine, or eleven pm show. Those are crowded, premium ticket price times, and it's not fair to the other patrons. If your baby begins to make ANY NOISE at all, either plug up the gaping maw or exit the theater. Any crying means you just forfeited your cash and must leave the theater. You absolutely cannot ruin the movie going experience for other people, they paid their money and there are more of them than there are of you.

It's my opinion that babies over six months through pre-schoolers shouldn't EVER attend adult movies. Don't, under any circumstances, take your four-year-old to see Alien: Resurrection or any other 'R' rated movie. You will confuse and upset them. Your two-year-old might like a kids movie but won't sit through it. It's best to either find a sitter or just wait until you can rent the movie at home during that age. Other Half and I attend plenty of movies separately with friends so that we don't have to pay a sitter. If we really want to see something together, we ditch El Guille for Couple Time. We have only a month or so with Proximo before he will stop attending movies for a few years.

In any case, go see Hot Fuzz and save us a seat on the very back, side row. Did you bring the frozen Junior Mints?


Bek said...

I have been wanting to see that and apprciate the recommendation.

Amen on the movie/baby thing too. No matter WHAT movie I got see these days, there are usally at least 7 or 8 familes where mom and dad clearly want to see the movie and they bring ALL the kids...and these are movies that kids shouldn't be seeing either..... blah....

sarah k. said...

I just found you by searching for info on whether the BYU dairy uses rGBH, so I read that whole real food post and laughed my head off. My DH hates it when I go off like that, but he's glad I care enough to find out what's good and what's not. So who do you ask about the milk? I live around the corner from the Creamery on 9th, but I've been afraid to buy the milk.

Back on topic, I, too have a little bebe, so I don't get out much, but what a great review without being a review. I never want to know what happens in a movie, but I like it that you did the "if you like..." and "if you don't like..."

And I so agree on not showing kids scary movies. Only from experience, though. Bad mom that I am, I let my oldest watch Lord of the Rings when he was 2. He loved it, and wanted it all the time. I think it has had an effect on what he thinks about violence, not in a good way.

b. said...

I second.....errr, fourth your movie/babies policy, also....leave your deaf or hard of hearing senior citizen that needs every line repeated home with a sitter too.

AzĂșcar said...

Bek you are going to LOVE Hot Fuzz, I promise. You can't have spent time in the English countryside and not think the movie is hilarious.

sarah k, welcome! My DH hates it when I go off like that too. Yes, I called up BYU Dairy and asked them my questions. They said they don't use rBGH and only use antibiotics if the cow is actually sick (no preventative dosing.) So go ahead and buy their dairy products. They are cheaper and better for you than the regular grocery store stuff.

I will say that Hot Fuzz is rated R for a reason and has some gory moments (but not as gory as Shaun of the Dead.) And you're not a bad mom for LoTR.

b- Or someone who needs the whole movie translated. We can't take abuelita to movies because we have to translate AND she's hard of hearing. Also, she wouldn't want to go.

sue-donym said...


pflower10 said...

We thought that we were protecting our kids from watching scarey movies till we came home from a date and found out our babysitter BROUGHT over Pirates of the Carribean to show to our 4 & 6 yr old kids.

But in her defense we didn't specify that she couldn't bring her own scarey movies over to show the little ones, GEEEEEZE.

I agree on all accounts...Babies (newborns are not quite babies) and movies don't mix.

pflower10 said...

BTW - Just came home from Blades of Glory and it was pretty funny. Hubby couldn't stop laughing.

April said...

I so can't wait to see Hot Fuzz!! I didn't like Shaun of the Dead that much the first time around. I think I was annoyed by them trying to make it scary when it was really just a comedy. But I ended up buying the movie. It's pretty darn funny.

I remember the first movie my mom ever took me to was E.T. And every 2 minutes I asked, "What's gonna happen NOW, Mom?" So yeah, I won't be bringing Jerz to the movies any time soon.

April said...

Also, that quote by the Pageant Guru? HILARIOUS. I laughed a lot at that.

metamorphose said...

HOT FUZZ ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF! Boyfrennd and I both give it double thumbs-ups! We laughed so hard -and enjoyed the more dramatic moments as well, such a great flick!

Every parent should read your baby going to the movie policy. Seriously. It's a good one.

Now I'm going to try and show my inner beauty through my face.

La Yen said...

In the EP it is considered good manners to bring your 2 year old to see bloody movies. And to let them run around the theater when they get antsy. And to have play dates in front of the screen. And to let them dress like hookers. And to yell at them in the Espanish when they don't come back to their seat after they have thrown something at the screen. This is all acceptable. I hate EL Paso.

pflower10 said...

I laugh every time you blog about your nocturnal tv habits. When I was up nursing my last baby I was quite the sucker and bought quite a bit of items from all of the bood tube.

I can now say I am the proud owner of Yoga, Booty Ballet CD's AND Pilates CD's that I now have in TRIPLICATE.

You are smart to watch the documentaries and not the infomercials!

Julie said...

Your baby/theater policy is perfect. Can you type it up and have it posted in all the theaters? It also bugs me when I see parents shopping with cranky kids at 10:30 pm (or later). Hello?!?!? Take the kid home and put her/him to bed!

Those little girl beauty pageants are scarier than any horror film I've ever seen. Truly.

So...what do I have to do to sit at the cool table? Is there some sort of initiation thing?

I think it's really funny that my word verification is "sqomzt" when you've just been talking about beauty pageants. What are those girls going to do when they get their first zits?

metamorphose said...

Boyfrennd did a review of Hot Fuzz on his blog.

4.5 pouty Trent Reznors!!

luckyzmom said...

So, that wasn't you then?