Monday, June 18, 2007

End Times

Speaking of apocalyptic signs, I think I've had a few experiences lately that beg the question:

Are we in end times?

First of all, my mother-in-law sent me a friend request on Myspace.


I think this means that Myspace, already in its last gasps of cool, has officially jumped the shark. The dream is over, kids, and so is the world.

There is a Romeo at my local Wendy's. Now, I'm not crazy about Wendy's, or fast food in general, but Other Half has chosen the other woman in his life and it is Wendy. He turned his nose up at my spicy sesame peanut noodles with snowpeas and red peppers. So I, in full enabling mode, making the excuse that it was Father's Day Eve, picked him up a spicy chicken combo on my way home from Smith's Market Fresh Everyday Smith's.

"Can I take your order, baby?"
"Uhm, yes, I need a spicy chicken, plain, no tomatoes."
"Ok, baby, what to drink with that?"
"A coke, and chili for the side."
"Just pull forward, baby."
I drive up and Romeo is at the window
"Hey baby, that'll be $4.39."

Silence from me while I try to avert my eyes, slightly embarrassed

"You have a good night now, you hear baby!"
"Thanks!" I say brightly as if a half dressed fast food worker trying to work it is an everyday occurrence and not a sure sign of the end of days.

I woke up yesterday and there, right on the TV, was another reminder that we must be near the end. The song playing on VH1 sounded familiar. I realized with a shock that Dashboard Confessional's Stolen was the video. Dashboard? On TV? ON VH1?! I nervously pulled on my clothes, wondering if this was the last outfit I would ever wear on this mortail coil.

Then, today, I turned onto a busy street just to come to a sharp halt. Two rows of cars, three deep, were stopped, practically parked in the middle of the road. What on earth!? I waited, surely there was an acceptable reason to stop me on my busy, busy way. Perhaps the Pale Rider himself?

Then I saw a beak, followed by a neck and the soft grey-brown feathers of a duck. In her wake trailed eight tiny ducklings. They padded along the road, trying to reach the river on the other side. From the opposite direction I saw two cars bearing down on the little family. I let out the breath that I didn't realize I was holding as the cars slowed to a stop.

I watched the mother duck hop the curb leaving eight little featherballs leaping and fluttering their tiny wings in an effort to scale the massive height of the curb. It was my turn to go. I couldn’t stop to see if more than two made the leap. I guess the world can’t end yet, not when there are ducklings and people who will stop their lives to let them pass.

Happy Birthday La Yen!
Even if we are a day late.


compulsive writer said...

I stop for ducks.

And pedestrians, too.

Which makes me a little weird here in Utah.

The pedestrian part, but apparently not the duck part.

La Yen said...

I saw that happen at the University Mall crosswalk on the Parkway and State. My cockles were warmed.

Thanks for the props!

Jennifer B. said...

Seriously funny.

Emily said...

I'm grossed out by Romeo and did you really let him call you baby?

Rachel C. said...

Does one have to make their MIL one of their top friends in myspace? This opens up a whole new in-law etiquette...

Geo said...

What a relief. I thought you were going to describe some gory scene of baby duck slaughter and I was just sure that was the final sign.

April said...

Echoing Emily, did you really let him call you baby?? I can't believe he wasn't reprimanded for his shirt being unbuttoned. Where the hell is OSHA when you need them?

Laquina said...

What a dream boat......all the good stuff happens when I'm not there

AzĂșcar said...

I don't care if someone calls me baby, usually. It's the tone. If it's meant to be derogatory or patronizing, my hair trigger response isn't pretty. This guy honestly thinks he's charming you.

You, too, can experience Romeo. He works nights over at the Wendy's near the Stadium in Provo.

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tiff-fay-fay said...

I have experienced the Romeo. It is awesome. I leave not knowing if I feel great or slightly grossed.

Mary said...

Ha Ha Ha!! I am nearly 60 and have a facebook account. But then I also graduated in May from TWUs school of nursing. So I have a few school friends who invited me as friends and then when my DIL found out I had an account, she invited me to be her friend. How d'ya like that? You younguns don't have a monopoly on the internet.