jetsetgreen

Monday, September 10, 2007

I know that at least some of you came here today to see what my kid did this weekend. Well, your wish has been granted. Yes, that was a box of Nesquik.


The best part about the destruction this time is that when I came in to the room he started waving his arms at me and saying in a frantic voice, "Don't see this, don't see this!"

I said, shocked, "Dude, are you trying to Jedi mind trick me?"

Indeed he was, the flithy Padawan.

Later that afternoon as I napped and my husband showered, Filthy Padawan emptied a brand new bottle of parmesan cheese in a similar pattern to the Nesquik. I think he's trying to communicate through fractals.

Today it was yet another bottle of contact solution.

Timeouts, swats, throwing away his toys, making him clean it up, lectures on military juntas in Latin America, water-boarding, nothing is working. Any ideas? Should I give him a container of Tic-Tacs to carry around?

The worst part about this whole thing is my mom and dad laughing. They don't read this blog (because they are too cool for blogging) but they think these episodes highly entertaining. Apparently, I did as much as him and sometimes worse. Yeah, yeah, a parent's curse. Stupid parents and their stupid curses.

37 comments:

Tiffany said...

I laughed out loud at this one, and that takes a lot. "Don't see this! Don't see this!"

Hahahaha

The look on his face in that picture though... I am still laughing out loud.

Lindsey said...

Lilly tells us to either "go to bed", "close the door", or go somewhere else so we don't see what she's done--or is about to do.

Wow. Is this what I get to look forward to when she turns three??? She's already taken to dumping out whole boxes of my expensive organic breakfast cereal.

My parents laugh, too. It makes me want to punch their lights out.

miggy said...

Let's see. . . time out. check. swats. check. throwing toys away( I was actually going to suggest that). check. cleaning. check. military talks. check. water something or other. check.

Have you thought of torture? That's all I got.

b. said...

That picture made me gasp out loud!
Oh, holy batshite.....
I got nothin'.

Mary said...

That boy is a talented mess maker! It makes me a little nervous, actually, since my 1 year old boy is already into everything and throws anything he can get his hands on - I can just see what's ahead!

cabesh said...

I remember when my brother went on this kick--my mom installed locks on the cabinets on fridge. Not child lock, but real padlocks--she gave up the cabinetry in hopes of her sanity.

Of course....that made him look elsewhere, which is how she ended up with an entire box of laundry soap in her dryer.

Amy said...

It's easy to laugh when you're not the one who has to clean it up.

Maybe a padded room with a drain in the floor so it can be hosed out regularly? How about Chinese handcuffs?

wendysue said...

Maybe you could invite the guy from Dirty Jobs to your house and he could follow El Guille around?

sue-donym said...

Concrete flooring? Tie him up when you go to the bathroom?

I'm shaking for you right now.

Emily said...

Tell El Guille he already won Most Destructive Toddler of the Year...he can quit it with the mess-making antics now.

sarah k. said...

Go get "The Parenting Breakthrough." I bet they have it at the bookstore. It changed my attitude and approach to infarctions. Also remember that no matter how big his vocab is, he's still only 3 and don't know no better. He won't be doing that when he's 20. Only 17 more years to go! :)

Kalli Ko said...

I think he is mocking you with that direct stare.

I think he is mocking us all, both present mothers and future.

and I am nervous...

Cassie said...

I'm all about the locks on the cabinets. I'm surprised you haven't done that yet. Good luck.

Leisha said...

We had to padlock our pantry, fridge, anything that moved or opened and then anxiously wait for the "grow out of it" stage. It DOES come... sort of. We've had eggs scrambled on the floor, chicken cutlets decorating our furniture, 5lbs of sugar dumped on the couch (along with shampoo and bubble bath...) I could go on, but somehow I think you already know where I'm coming from.

Azúcar said...

Tiff - can you believe how big he's getting...and how soon The Schmeese will be into the same stuff? Scary.

Linds - That's what we used to get. Now he knows that he has to sneak to get his nefarious work completed.

Miggy - I keep hoping the toy chucking will help; it's been great for getting rid of toys I hate.

b.- Thanks for the gasp, I gasped out loud too!

Mary - I'm sorry. I'm also warning you: duct tape may be your only option.

cabesh - so lovely to hear from you! I'm so afraid of the progression to the laundry room, you have no idea. Our furnace and water heater are in there. Can you picture detergent in the furnace? I CAN.

Azúcar said...

Amy - I love your inlaws! Laurie is one of my best friends, can't get enough of that girl. And I'm liking the handcuffs idea.

wendysue - you are so, so funny. I'm sending an email to Discovery today.

Sue - we ARE going to have to replace the flooring in this condo, there's no getting around it.

Emily - if only reason and logic appealed to him...

sarah - thanks for the rec, adding to my Amazon order today.

Kalli - you can see it in his eyes too?

Cassie - we went to the store and got even more doorlocks/kid proofing stuff this weekend. It's the little things you forget that get you every time. For instance, we've kept that Nesquik on the counter for almost two years. Why did he choose that very day to get into it? Who knows.

Leisha - I'm thinking that as soon as he gets out of that stage, the next one will be getting in. Sound about right?

MoJo's Weekly Update said...

You know what worked in my household. A scary Asian woman. Not just any Asian woman, a loud scary Asian woman. I would say I was scared of my mom for the first seven years of my life. Not to say that's how I want Asher to feel, but I was c-u-h razie. I can lend you my mom, she'll do the trick.

MoJo's Weekly Update said...

Oh, by the way, I love the shot of the two kids. Nice job with having James in the background. It looks like he's taking mental notes or enjoying being the good kid.

SusieQ said...

I feel your pain.

Queen Scarlett said...

Is he snorting that stuff?

I think I ready to just stop having kids now. ;-)

We have the same bouncer and play mat thingy... your star wars references crack me up...because that's so my husband with the "jedi mind trick" comments all the time.

Lately - Kalea just runs and hides.

kiki said...

Okay...if I were you, I'd probably be pist beyond rational belief, but as it is, this is hilarious. I feel really badly for you, but it cracks me up. Especially the part about the Jedi mind tricks.

Um...handcuffs? Lock him in an empty room? I don't know. Talk of the juntas would do it for me.

April said...

His look and stance are so "Whatchu gonna do about it?" And in the background, his brother is totally like, "Dude, can't you just mellow out with the messes? I'm trying to get my nap on."

Childproof your cabinets? Hire a manny? Weep into your pillow? I just don't know what else you can do.

TOWR said...

Your blog is fantastic birth control. ;)

I like how Proximo is just kicking it in the background. So innocent looking... in three years HE'LL be the one grinding Nesquik into the carpet!

Christy said...

Just thought you should know that as much as your blog inspires me to never allow my loins to bear fruit . . .
your taste in baby names rocks. My firstborn son will have the same name as yours (if he ever escapes the loins) and I'm seriously considering your second boy's name for my second boy's name.

Azúcar said...

Filthy Padawan and Proximo are rather nice names if you ask me.

Poor Proximo in the background! If you look closely you can see his little red eyes & nose. He'd been crying and wasn't picked up or loved for a solid five minutes more while we cleaned up the mess.

ash said...

Time for the baby leash?

compulsive writer said...

And that my friend is exactly why I just selected carpet the color of about 12 different kinds of dirt.

Danny said...

tell El Guille the chupacabra is going to take him away. I have two boys of my own and plan to tell them scary stories about the Chupacabra taking away little mischievous boys.

My sister Michelle (Xochitl Girl) introduced me to your blog and I now read your blog more than hers b/c I find it hilarious and love your writing. I just hope Michelle doesn't read this comment.

Azúcar said...

I won't tell her if you won't!

Lyle said...

I choose to chortle about this post, thank heavens it wasn't my kid, and return to my regularly scheduled program.

Geo said...

Two suggestions, one of them potentially lucrative:

1. Use it. Take all the notes and photos you can and write a book. I think you may have a goldmine here.

2. Send him to stay with his grandparents for a few days. That may convince him it's time to stop decorating, and/or it may convince them to quit laughing.

Tiffany said...

I am still laughing about this one...

PS - I'm telling michelle!
PPS - not really.

~cari~ said...

One things for sure...
Don't let Proximo see what his brother's been up to any more. He's probably taking mental notes. In that picture he looks like he's got a little smirk on his face. He's either happy El Guille is busted or he's thinking about his first stunt. I'd keep him away just in case.

fijiangirl said...

You are the winner for mother of the year award! Seriously I think we would be meeting with C.P.S. right now if my little ones did any of that stuff. He seemed nice and calm when we were at lunch.

He must have been using his Jedi mind games on me that day... or maybe he was telling my kids what to do under the table. Girly dumped out a brand new bottle of shampoo. They are in cohorts!

soybeanlover said...

This is gonna sound totally crazy...have you tried a little extra mommy-Guille play time?(above pre toddler angst level) Hey, if it doesn't work at least that is a few extra minutes he isn't destroying the house.

I'll second the mother of the year thing! Holy shnikes!

Tori :) said...

"Don't see this! Don't see this!!" I think I saw some guy yell that on Cheaters. Or was is Cops?

The Rookie said...

I'm still laughing. "Don't see this! Don't see this." Maybe that's what I'll say the next time somebody comes to my house and there is stacked up laundry, dishes in the sink, and a really nasty carpeted living room in dire need of a vacuum that still has suction...calling all Dyson gods!

Thanks for such a hilarious post. Your liquid-meets-carpet misfortunes somehow cheered me up after a wretched awful work-day. Does that make me unempathetic?