jetsetgreen

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Chollas

Let’s get this weekend out of the way:

Parmesan, water, and daddy’s shoes, sounds like a plan!

And now the Filthy Padawan has a cold. Coincidence? No, it's Karma, baby, Karma.

My friend Anne tried to give me some parenting advice. She Who is Without Children asked me, "But have you sat down the Filthy Padawan and explained to him how this is unacceptable? He needs to know that! Just sit him down and explain to him that he needs to stop." I, who was also a better parent before I had children, said graciously and with a knowing twinkle, "Yes, we have tried that."


*************

Monday I was sitting at my desk trying hard to concentrate on my work. I was a little in the dumps, missing the babies and thinking through some projects which are giving me a mental block. I had a case of the Mondays.

And then, out of the deep reaches of cyber space, I got an email with the subject

Open Immediately!

Contents included this:

Those are my hawt sisters, Jeffiner and LaQuina.

Who doesn’t like sisters? Nobody doesn’t like sisters, or is that Sara Lee?

Obviously, the next question I needed to ask was,

“Is Jeffiner flashing a sign? Do we even have a family gang sign?”

I guess we do.

I love those chollas. Apparently, they love La Virgin.


Jeffiner works for Hotel Conglomerate. She will answer the phone when you call Hotel Conglomerate. I called her tonight…

“Thank you for calling Hotel Conglomerate, this is Jeffiner, how may I direct your call?”

“You can direct it up your butt,” I said.

She started laughing so hard that she put me on hold.

I can call her and say things like that, but you can’t.

That’s what sisters are for.

26 comments:

Lucky Red Hen said...

Direct it up your butt... hahahaha. I used to answer the phone at a hotel conglomerate and loved recognizing friends on the other end and giving them a rise before they figured out it was me.

Definitely sit down with Gilly and 'splain him the ropes! hahaha

La Yen said...

You know I live in La BirHin Central, right? And the shrine is now considered one of the most dangerous places to visit in the Borderland, because you will get robbed and left for dead ala "A Certain Man was traveling the road to Jerusalem and fell upon thieves" style, but no Samaratin will save you.

SusieQ said...

Parmesan cheese, water, and shoes. I like that. He's thinking outside the box. My little guy's latest concoction wasn't nearly as creative. His ingredients were baby powder, vaseline, dippity-doo (whatever that is...I think it belongs to my teenage son), and of course he couldn't leave out the desitin. You'd think I would have learned to hide that better by now.

Azúcar said...

I gave up on desitin/balmex. If Proximo gets diaper rash I just throw up my hands and tell El Guille, "Your brother's butt would be healthy except we can't trust you around the cure." Maybe guilt and constant comparison will work.

Robbery at La BirHin's? Que interesante.

LRH, you want to do the 'splaining?

sue-donym said...

Guilt and constant comparison. Ahhh brings me back to my childhood. sigh.

What about sending him to Kid Nation? He would so be thier leader.


Sisters ROCK!

Lindsey said...

Yeah--love it when people who don't have kids offer advice. I think the only answer to those people is to "direct that advice right up their butt." And the same goes for mother-in-laws. :)

Kalli Ko said...

nothing soothes the soul like the bond of a sister...

I answer the phone when my sister calls with "hey STOOOPID". We love eachother, we really do.

sara said...

My theory is that given El Guille's toddler-hood behavior, he will be an absolute angel as a teenager. That would be fair. Something for you to look forward to.

And sistas are da bomb. Or whatever the kids are saying these days.

fijiangirl said...

Maybe you need to explain things with some kind of diagram or flow chart... sometimes that helps.

The other day I was deiving and someone had a bumper sticker that was a math equation, the quadratic formula. I though it might be your other half...sped up and saw it was someone else.

April said...

When I or Kristen see each other's name on the Caller ID, we'll immediately answer with a grumpy "Whadda YOU want?" Poor Emily Post would be horrified.

aubrey said...

direct it up your butt.. hee hee. ya, i KNOW i could never do that with my sister. her and i, we don't have that kind of relationship. so, count yourself lucky. if i said something like that she would just sit in stunned silence.

Azúcar said...

Could you tell her to get it out of her butt? Wouldn't that solve the problem?

Mandee said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I am laughing so hard right now, I need to just walk away and breath for a moment.

Tiffany said...

I was pondering about the filthy Padawan the other day and I came up with a brilliant conclusion.

Because I know you and I know where you live (wish I could put that in italics), I know that you do not have a yard. Front nor back.

THUS...parmesan, nestle quik and things of the sort become dirt and contact solution and syrup become water.

What's a curious boy to do? You can't just shove him in the backyard and say play.

Don't know if that solves anything, it's just an observation.

And those chollas. How old are they? Can we play matchmaker please and set one up with my hermanito?

Azúcar said...

Sure thing! As long as they aren't bros.

compulsive writer said...

So this is what we pull out at the big party to congratulate Filthy Padawan on his first Nobel Peace Prize.

liz said...

my mom leaves tomorrow from helping me with the new baby and now I am totally scared my life is going to take the shape of your blog posts (i.e. food stuffs in shoes and carpet/ toddler crazies). And it makes me less scared cos I know I won't be alone.

Olivia said...

I love butt jokes! My mom is pissed because this summer I re-introduced "butthole" to the pantheon of family love-names. Also, I like to use the ol' "up yer butt annaroun' the corner" when people ask me where something is. Parm queso? I bet that shoe smelled like barf. Parm, while lovely, does, desafortunadamente, smell like puke.

b. said...

Does chollas mean seesters?
I'm too lazy to google it.
Holla to your chollas and my seester (she reads you)!
Did the parmesan enhance the smell of feet? Because it kinda does smell like feet.

Mirjam (Miryam) said...

dear azucar,your blog just saved my day, week, no: the last two weeks even. that's when we got a dog which everyone considers the perfect dog, housebroken, quiet, lazy, cute.... and I am going crazy, dog hair sucks, but then i came across your blog and now i feel so much better about dog hair on my floor. applause for your kids creativity and good luck to you... btw I think we read exactly the same blogs, i see your comments all over the place, always witty and smart...

Lindsey said...

Liz--it will. Sorry to break it to you. Your own blog posts are going to get even more interesting.

c jane said...

I saw that first picture and then I almost puked.

Julie said...

Family gang sign? Yeah, that first picture is a sign all right--in Britain. Similar in offensiveness to flipping the bird, but it refers to female body parts. Of course, that makes the picture even funnier....

I have only one sister, and I don't think she'd find the "up yours" comment very funny. Dang. It would be fun to have sisters like that. But that's what all my friends are for, right?

Wow. I would never have picked Parmesan, water, and shoes. Filthy Padawan is verrrry creative.....

Marie said...

I love funny cysts. They make it all better, even when "it" is a shoe full of parmesan soup.

aubrey said...

no, that DEFINITELY wouldn't solve the problem. definitely create MORE problem. that's ok, that's what girlfriends are for right?

Christy said...

Good ones!
MY sister responds to every (caller-IDed and voice-recognizable) telephone greeting from me with "Who is this?"
Sets the tone for the rest of the convo.