jetsetgreen

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I Got Motivated

Sadly, I got motivated for Halloween (the 31st) about half way through the 30th. Other Half asked me to help him make an iPod costume, which I did. It rocked (ha.) I then stayed up to make my own non-costume:


Thanks for the tip, Suzie P. At least a few people got the Magritte reference, and everyone else either didn't bother to care, or thought I was pretentious. Yeah, well, if the bowler fits...

I got a serious case of hand-make-the-kids'-costumes on the drive home from work yesterday (Christy, you were right.) El Guille asked and pleaded to be a pumpkin this year. I can't say no to him.
OK, I spend most of my life saying NO to him, I might as well occasionally say YES. He and I went to the fabric store and bought the orange felt. You probably aren't going to believe me, but JoAnn's was murder last night. Who knew that every other human under the face of creation was also going to go to the fabric/notions/crafts/paint/dry goods/crop seed store?

I sewed El Guille's costume this morning before work and when I got done, I just knew I had to make Proximo a matching suit. This usually happens when I start crafting--I outline a reasonable goal, and then go completely haywire. The project grows to include hand-gilding, scale replicas of the Eiffel Tower in balsa wood, and combing my own cotton grown on the back 40. Don't judge me; it's a disease, like Restless Legs Syndrome or chronic dry eye.

Instructions on sewing a pumpkin costume: cut felt, sew into pumpkin shape, tack on a snap at the neck.

Smooshy.

That one is fuzzy, but you get a better idea of the shape of the pumpkin and hat.

After trick-or-treating at my office and a few of the neighbors, it was time for Nana's house. Her neighborhood goes all out. Unfortunately, it's gotten the reputation for "the good candy" which is why most of the trick-or-treating hoards we have never seen before. Don't worry, we save the Smarties for them.

Halloween is completely new now that I'm viewing it through El Guille's eyes. I'd like to go on record as saying that anyone over the age of 14 should not be trick-or-treating. Nor should children from 12 and up be SHOVING three-year-olds out of the way. For the love, I'm patient, but I nearly boxed some ears tonight. Nana said something to a group as we approached a doorway, but the stupid teenage girls were too wrapped up in the lure of another snack size Snickers and went beserk. Stupid hos. Sorry, did I just say that? Nope, not sorry, I meant it. Feminist principles are on the chopping block--don't mess with my kids.

The worst were the teenage boys, possible college age, who looked vaguely like the monsters from The Village. The boys were up on stilts and were completely decked out: rags hanging, bones, padding, all to make them look like monsters.


At any other time they deserved serious props.

BUT WHEN YOU ARE SCARING MY THREE-YEAR-OLD I WANT TO DESTROY YOU.

We turned from the last scheduled door to into the literal claws of those nimrods. El Guille's eyes went a little wide and I could practically hear his heart skip a beat.
One leaned over to try to scare him. "You're being ridiculous" I said, trying to find the balance between not scaring El Guille anymore and ripping this punk's testicles off and shoving them down his throat.
"Whatever, we're just scaring a little."
"Oh please," I said as calmly as possible, "Not the little ones. You are being ridiculous." I'd picked up El Guille in the meantime trying to avert his gaze. We walked back to Nana's next door.

Now? I wish I'd lost it.

I wish I would have knocked their stilts out, fished in their pockets for their cell phones, and called their mothers. I am still furious. I was thinking of curses in the car on the way back home. There was something about losing all future prowess in the bedroom, cursing their children to never sleep through the night, and a general blanket of malaise to be a cold comfort.

Is it too late? Do you think I can go back and verbally destroy them?

The jerk store called and they're running out of you!

28 comments:

Michelle said...

it's never too late! I agree what is it about 14 year olds and trick or treating there must be some kind of diagnosis for this, we had the same problem of older kids- outnumbering the little ones coming from distant neighborhoods. I hate it when someone tries to scare my kids- they don't get it. Halloween is over right then, your kid wants to go home and may not even want to go again next year! I loved your costumes, you cook, sew, write well- you're an animal!

Rynell said...

Wonderful costumes!
And...what is up with older boys ringing my doorbell quite late and scaring my kids with bloody masks and such awfulness?

Christy said...

Oh, to hear those four words more often.

I LOVE the pumpkins, specially that little one with stripes. I HATE the teenagers. I vote yes to verbal destruction.

Christy said...

Oh and I love your costume - I know you are over clever, but you're so good at it!

Marilyn said...

Cute cute pumpkins. You are talented and funny, a deadly combination. Those jerky 14 year olds better watch out!

Mo Jo's Weekly Update said...

Love the hats. Also, I'm a little late on this, but I want a pink Dyson too.

FoxyJ said...

I love the shirt. I think I'll have to borrow that next year, especially if I'm back in grad school. The scariest thing that happened to Little Dude was the clerk at the Mexican grocery store trying to tickle him. He was freaked out!

kristenlibrarian said...

You seriously have the cutest kids ever. I just want to hug them and give them ice cream and read them bed time stories.

All the kids that came to my house last night were quite polite - I was shocked! Even the teens that didn't dress up said, "Thank you" and wished me a happy halloween.

{natalie} said...

you seriously crack me up.

i love reading your blog.

thanks.

(linked from courtney & jenny)

fijiangirl said...

three rules the husband has for halloween... 1. if you come after 8 pm no candy 2. if you aren't wearing a costume no candy. We had about 13 teenages come to our door all at once and only half of them were in costume. Yep that is right only half got candy! 3. No adults get candy. Yes we actually had adults trick-or treating with their own bags for candy! Guess that is what happens when you grow up in a country that doesn't celebrate hallwoeen. The costumes are adorable! I can't believe you whipped those out in one morning!

Sue said...

We went through ten bags of candy before 8:00. TEN. Then we just turned off the lights and cowered inside, hiding.

Some huge kid terrified my little girl last night, had her sobbing in fear. I almost killed him.

Next year I am going to make special treats for the 13 and up crowd. I am saving empty nerd boxes, and I'm going to stuff little pieces of paper inside that say, "YOU ARE WAY TOO OLD FOR THIS. GET A JOB AND BUY SOME CANDY."

Cute pumpkins!

Marie said...

And to think that this could have been a post about verbally maiming a couple of bratty teenagers! Opportunity lost!

But those costumes are fantastic! I"m very impressed. I, too, love crafts, in spite of myself. Last night I went in Michael's for materials for my last-minute costume and it almost sucked me in. Suddenly a night of craft projects sounded way more fun than going to Halloween parties.

You're right -- it IS a disease.

Kalli Ko said...

now, had I worn THAT to work, absolutely no one would have gotten it.

I'm surrounded by genius.

Halloween and teenagers=bad

April said...

I guess I have to disagree about kids over 14 not being allowed to trick-or-treat anymore. Little kids get all the candy and adults get to go to parties, but the in-betweens have to stay home? Not fair.

Absolutely, no one should be deliberately trying to scare little ones. That's just obnoxious and I wouldn't have tolerated it, either.

We went all over our town, and the only kid who pushed my niece out of her way was about 8. (And my sister's eyes lit with fire!) All the teens kept to themselve, or were actually handing out candy at their homes and were very polite. And they had some really awesome costumes. I saw one girl dressed as a bunch of grapes, there was an excellent shark costume (pic on my blog), and one gril dressed as Robert Smith of The Cure. Pretty clever, if you ask me.

April said...

And by "gril," I of course mean girl. Ay yi yi.

compulsive writer said...

The costumes are seriously cute. As are the kids.

I think it's totally unfair that when they were passing out talents in the pre-exisetence I was somehow left holding the door for you when it was time for both the sewing and the cooking skilz.

Oh well.

And today I heard a story about some guy whose little girls were trick-or-treating just ahead of him when they came running back to him screaming because some people of another faith thought it was a good idea to go around on Halloween night and tell little girls dressed up like Cinderella that they were going to hell for worshipping Satan. Uh-huh!

raegan said...

In our town it is a class 4 misdemeanor to trick-or-treat after 8pm. There is also an age limit of 12 and under. Weird. But, hey, so are the teenagers nowadays.

Emily said...

You're so crafty and cool. You make me want to cultivate some talents.

Suzie Petunia said...

I feel like a superstar. Azucar used MY idea!

And your other costumes came out darling, too.

annette said...

I too draw the line at 14. 13 is my kids' last year to trick or treat, I don't care if they are the ONLY ONE of their friends not going. But, I tell them, they are welcome to host a halloween party for their friends and celebrate that way, if they want. So my oldest, 14, passed out candy this year (yes, even to some of his friends ;)

I took my little ones out at 5:45pm this year and had no "big kid" run-ins. I also post a sign on my door, true or not, at 8:30 saying, "Sorry, Out of Candy". It's worked every year, so far. (Except this year when some 6? yr. old RANG our door bell repeatedly at 10pm! Imagine my shock as I found some kid at my door (with his clueless Dad out on the sidewalk waiting for him) I read the sign for him and sent him on his way. HELLO- Dad! Have you seen ANYONE else out for the past hour? What's with that?) (Thank you for letting me get that one off my chest!)

Post a pic of the ipod costume if you get a chance- I would love to see it!

AzĂșcar said...

Michelle - I was so worried that my poor little soul would want to sleep with us for the next three months from the fear, but he did pretty well.

Rynell- I think we all need to band together and say, "NO."

Sue - I dare you to do the Nerd box thing.

Fiji - Your husband would be the best Halloween enforcer ever.

Thanks Natalie & welcome!

Marie - I can't step into Michaels without wanting to drop my annual salary for CRAP I DON'T NEED.

Raegan- I think we want to move to your police state, I mean town.

CW- I will share my talents if it will make my brain stop the constant churning.

Annette - I'll see what I can do.

Angeline said...

Great costumes....sooooo cutteee...

you are unbelievable!

we hardly celebrate halloween over here in singapore....what a WASTE!

Brooke said...

i find myself in the same craft predicament-- today, there is felt detritus strewn all over the floor and here i sit, unable to clean it up. (i lack the same willful gusto when it comes to cleaning up the craft projects gone crazy.)

and sue: you'd better do the nerd boxes.

and kalli: i have no idea what azucar's costume means. tres stoopid myself...

Geo said...

The Great Pumpkin times two! So cute. And I do love your Magritte get-up.

Our most provoking trick-or-treater this year happened to be our bishop's youngfest daughter. And she was dressed like a princess. All the true ghouls were charming and polite.

Geo said...

youngest

Sorry, I've got a bandage on my finger that keeps making me hit two keys at once.

Ryan and Susie said...

Cute costumes. Two teenage girls (looked to be 18 or 19) showed up at my door at about 9:30 pm. They smelled like smoke, and one had a new baby in a stroller.

SusieQ said...

I think I win the prize for the latest trick-or-treaters...someone knocked on our door at 11:30 pm!!!! (I didn't answer it)

Very cute costumes, Azucar. You came through in the clutch.

Queen Scarlett said...

Those costumes are adorable...and so quickly done...you're like magic. And... so that's what other half looks like. Oh...I told a group of big kids I only had enough candy for the little ones...