Monday, October 29, 2007

I like Halloween, really. Well, mostly. OK, only parts.

I don’t want to dress up anymore.

There, I said it.

I barely want to get my kids costumes. Other Half proposed El Guille as Curious George and Proximo as the man in the yellow hat. Ugh. Yes, maybe it would have been cute, but I could only see the serious amount of work in pulling it all together. I just allowed that idea to die on the vine.

“But,” said Other Half, “Just get Proximo a yellow shirt and pants.”

Me, “….”

OH, “It can’t be that hard.”

Me, “It’s not spring.”

OH, “What does that have to do with anything?”

Me, “Yellow is a spring color. They don’t have yellow in the fall.”
OH, “They don’t?”
Me (in my head) “Yeah, which you would know if you had been clothes shopping for yourself at any point in the past 10 years without me.”

Me, “They don’t. So I will need to find a white shirt and pants. The white shirt won’t be hard but white pants would be. And then I would need to dye them yellow. And I don’t want to do that.”

OH, “Oh.”

What are the kids going to be? I don’t know. Also, see above, don’t care.

Since I work at a young company, they all want to dress up for work. I don’t want to be in a costume at work. It’s not that I think that Halloween is some sort of devilish holiday in which the very participation will endanger your eternal soul; I’m just tired (tired of telling all you people you’re going to hell for being so pagan.) I’m out of ideas. Last year I was pregnant and went as the Scarlet Letter—ruined a perfectly nice white maternity shirt with a hand-painted illuminated “A.” Maybe I’ll just be self-referential and go as the letter “B” this year. I could dig out the Scarlet Letter again to show just how much I really don’t care.

The thing is I feel a little guilty. Why? Search me. It’s as if I’m willingly backhanding youth with my insistence on wearing a regular skirt and sweater to work. I’m also getting to hate ‘clever’ costumes (although not cleaver costumes.) You know, where someone tapes broken cereal boxes all over their person and goes as a cereal killer. Or my cousin, who wants to go as ctrl-alt-delete once she and her husband have a baby. I’m over clever.

The worst, the absolute worst (yes, even worse than world hunger or feline AIDS) is going to work on Halloween with people who are in character. Sorry, nope, I don’t want you to act like you’re really Miss Alabama Beauty Pageant. I want you to sit down and answer the phone—in your regular voice. In fact I might place an urgent instant message to Eric D. Snider and beg him to save me from an Adult in Character (AiC.) Eric talked me down from the ledge three years ago; I might have to use him again this year. (And for those of you who are at work reading my blog, it’s NOT FUNNY if you come by my desk and act in character to annoy me. I’ll hit you with my docking station, promise. If you don’t believe me, remember that I went to work in the same outfit two days in a row a couple months ago. I don’t mess around.)

I’m beginning to empathize with my parents. Although we had great traditions for Halloween, they never even gave a thought to our costumes. We were on our own if we wanted to dress up. I’m a little afraid that if I left the kids on their own for their costumes El Guille would show up as the pants-less wonder and Proximo would show up as…whatever sleeper I put him into last night.

So that’s it.

I don’t want to dress up, don’t hate me.

Stay tuned tomorrow for why Halloween makes me (just a little) sick.


Happy Birthday DM!

RED SOX NATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bek said...

You kill me.

We have a big box of dress ups, that is what the kids will be for Halloween. Whatever they dig out. (It comes with having a girl first...).

Dressing up at work. Ick.

fijiangirl said...

I hate spending money on costumes. Usually we recycle the ones from last year but this year my 5 year old wanted to be Mr. Incredible. I told him I wasn't going to buy it. Well we went to a costume party this weekend and in 5 mintues I threw together Mr. Incredible: Black church shoes, long black socks (to look like boots) pulled up over red Pj bottoms black underwear over pj bottoms, red long sleeve t-shirt, printed out incredible logo taped on said shirt, and a orange shopping bag cut up and taped together as a belt. It was amazing how great he looked with the smallest amount of effort! I espeically loved the black underwear on the outside! I think is my new tradition, just throw something together at the last minute.

I hate dressing up as well, it is much more fun to see the kids dress up.

Anonymous said...

I work on a kids unit and don't want to dress up. Yeah, the year we had to run a code in clown costumes did it for me.....

Rynell said...

How 'bout having Spirit week at school all week long where kids have to dress up different each day?
Monday--Tie day (that was easy)
Tuesday--character in from your favorite book
Wed--Halloween costume.
Thursday--Favorite sports uniform day
Friday--Hawaiian day

UGH. It's like Halloween week on serious steroids over here. As if I didn't have anything else to do but come up with costumes all week long. So. Very. Tired.

FoxyJ said...

I'm so with you---I hate dressing up too. And my husband always comes up with these great ideas that are really hard to execute. Since he rarely goes shopping he has no idea of how hard. Like finding green tights for a toddler. Yeah right. Thankfully he pulled through and made the costumes. If it were up to me the kids would just go in pajamas.

Sue said...

I don't dress up either. Haven't dressed up since I worked in an office - 7 years ago. I just don't care. I can't even think of anything funny to say about it, because Halloween bugs me, and the idea of dressing up bugs me.

sue-donym said...

I loathe dressing up for Halloween.

Marilyn said...

I hate dressing up also. On Saturday, I went to an adult Halloween party and was the ONLY person not in costume. It felt good to be the rebel!

Emily said...

Wow! I didn't think it possible that other people (in Utah, the Land of Halloween, for heaven's sake) were over dressing up as much as I am. I'm so glad.

RC Cola! said...

Thank you.

About every other year I sorta feel like dressing up (if I love my costume, and I actually have somewhere to go in said costume that involves more than just sitting around and passing out candy.) The other years (like this year) I just don't give a crap. And I don't even have to worry about getting costumes for some offspring.

I'm also so tired of the slutfest. It really depresses me.

Azúcar said...

Why don't we adopt one phrase, in unison, to the slutfest:

"You look ridiculous. Stop trying to get even with your father."

more caffeine, please said...

People who dress up at work just need a lot of attention. It's creepy. There's always the slutty one, the cross dresser, the "I'm fat and squoze into a small costume, isn't that funny?" one, etc.

c jane said...

I personally think that going as the "letter B" is a ingenuous idea. And to stay in character all day you must only use letters that start with the "letter B."

I am serious.

(I am not "really serious.")

Suzie Petunia said...

I thought I was really in the minority on this one, but after reading the comments I can see I am not. (Your commentors don't just tell you what you want to hear, do they?!)

I HATE dressing up. It makes me feel stupid.

Azúcar said...

They have to say what I like or I will take my blog and go home.

Mary said...

Wow, I feel so validated. I used to tell my oldest daughter that the ice cream truck was the "music truck" and I didn't take her out trick or treating until she was 4 and 1/2. Couldn't get away with that with the younger ones.

Geo said...

I think I will wear lip color and mascara on Wednesday and call that a costume. Nobody will recognize me.

Olivia said...

I am sick of dressing up, too.... Plus in New York, every available woman's costume is sexy something: sexy nurse, sexy bumblebee, sexy nun, sexy humanitarian aid worker, sexy old lady... it's ridiculous. Plus why deprive the world of even one second of you??? Why dress up as someone else when you are already awesome and worthy of the world's notice to begin with?

Emmie said...

I'm throwing a little Halloween party this year, but I am not:

1. Wearing a costume
2. Decorating with fake sculls or fake decaying flesh or fake eyeballs
3. Serving scary food

I am:

1. Wearing all black
2. Decorating with cute smiling pumpkins
3. Serving homemade soup

I like Halloween because it gives me an excuse to buy a big bag of Tootsie Rolls. (I love me some Tootsie Rolls.)

kiki said...

I feel the exact same way. I'm over dressing up. Wednesday night, my friend, Nathan, and I are going to sit in my living room, watch movies, trade music, and eat Halloween candy. That's how we're going to celebrate. I'm nervous about work tomorrow because it's kids day, which means lots of little kids and babies will be tooling around, and we all know how nervous/weird/psycho I get when more than 2 children are involved. I'm not sure how I'll possibly be able to function. Also, I WON'T dress up.

compulsive writer said...

I hate it when blogger loses my comments.

Oh well.

I like dressing up.

That's all.

Suzie Petunia said...

Compulsive Writer,

I am impressed with your willingness to step forward as a pro-dresser-upper. I'd be too scared to in this crowd of costume-haters.

P.S. Did I mention I'm a costume-hater?

Azúcar said...

I love that CW wants to dress up, and I think she absolutely should. I hope she isn't an AiC all day, but I don't have to work with her, so she's free to do whatever.

It's just that I don't want to dress up.

compulsive writer said...

(No worries, I love to dress up but I refuse to act out. A girl has to have standards, you know?)

Geo said...

I've changed my mind. I think I will simply AiC all day and try to make people guess what I would have dressed up as if I'd cared enough this year to come up with a costume.

Although I did have what I consider a costume inspiration this morning—in my mind I could see myself with green skin, tattered clothes, a square head, neck bolts, wearing a rainbow shirt—the "Pride of Frankenstein." If only I had a little more time to prepare.

Lois, Our Lady of Blogs said...

I hate dressing up too. My work gets WAY into it, so that's why I take Halloween off every year.

CW -- hope you win the costume contest! I AM sad that I'll be missing your costume (if you can figure out how to do the hair).

My husband wants to go all out every year. That usually consists of me buying all types of weird stuff for his costume (because it would be just too much for him to actually run an errand) and then at the last minute he decides not to dress up at all.

Christy said...

I prophesy that at the last possible second (maybe as I'm typing this), you will get a spurt of genius and produce for your children quick-and-easy costumes that make all the other kids look lame.

b. said...

Good Hell.....we have a new prophet on our hands!! A female one at that!!