Wednesday, October 10, 2007

It's been 10 months...

10 long months since I had my hair cut.

You know it's been too long if you're digging out your hot rollers just hoping it will save the style.

It never saves the style. It just makes you look like a 70s mom, or, in my case, a really bad Jackie-O imitation. Yeah, like that, only tired, dated, and frizzy, not wealthy, glamorous, or chic.

I need a cut so badly it's not even funny. OK, so it's a little funny. And by funny I mean for the love of Neptune, I need to cut my hair before I take a weed whacker to it. I don't own a weed whacker. Maybe I should get one. It's been too long if you're considering taking up the scissors and doing it yourself (remind me why we can't do that, cjane?)

What's the weirdest thing you've ever tried to cut your own hair with? If you answer garden shears I will call you a liar because that was on Shear Genius. Don't even try to slip that one past me, Miss. Chanandeler Bong.

My hair is currently out of control. I don't need or want long princess hair. I am an adult (woman) and I do not want princess hair, there, I said it. Sorry to disappoint all you Disney Princesses out there.
I had long hair my entire life, or until I was 25 and decided that enough was enough. I used to envy Rachel's darling short do. She always has the coolest hair. She has the right kind of hair for shortness. I always wanted HER hair. Now she has the coolest company, Darlybird too. (You would not believe the package of goodies I just got from her! Go ahead, be jealous.)

When I finally went to get it cut the hair stylist kept saying, "But that's really short, are you sure?" We negotiated for 2 hours. She'd cut off half a millimeter of hair and ask me again. I'd insisted she keep going. "But this is a drastic change." "DO IT," I impelled her.

I've been lucky that I've never had a bad haircut. Well, there was that one haircut right after El Guille was born where I did edgy New York return to early 80s cut WAY, WAY before it was popular here. I got teased at work for that one. Controversial is different than bad. Being fashion forward takes cojones. Extrapolate that argument at your own risk.

Tomorrow I'm going to place this head into the hands of Patrick. He will fix this stupid mop of yuck hair. Patrick is a wiz with curly hair. I am going to trust him to make it look right and awesome again. We will gossip about movies, TV, my mom, and just a little of his love life.

And, YES, Chelsea, he'll probably blow it out and I won't even have to ask him (because he loves me more than he loves you.)

What the worst cut you've ever had?

Did you cry?

Even better, did other people cry?


Mrs. Dub said...

I don't cry over hair. Hair grows. Though I feel totally entitled to brood and complain for weeks, if not months. I've had such a bout of bad hair cuts and hair dye experiences that it would take days to regale you with my stories.

But the worst involved my hair falling out in clumps, a mall salon pixie cut and my second week of freshman year at the BY. Yeah, that bad.

Lindsey said...

I cry. All the time. About my bad haircuts.

The worst cuts were given to me because my mom was too cheap to pay for someone other than a student at a beauty school do it. (Not called that anymore, right?) There were also perms. And permed bangs--yikes.

Then there was the time my mom let her friend cut it. My hair is super thick and she basically put a bowl over my head and cut around it. Not really, but that's exactly what it looked like. And then I got another perm by another student.

Then there was the lady in our ward who gave me what I thought was the Rachel, but it turned out to be a miniature copy of her hairstyle--the big bangs that go all the way back and layers starting about 2 inches from my scalp, with feathering around my face. I would have felt at home in the 70's. I cried.

Then I got a good hairdresser. She is so good that I make appointments from NY and when I fly in I have her cut my hair. She's that good.

When I moved to NY, I had the very long, over-processed tresses. I decided no more! It will be short. It will be its natural color! The girl in the posh salon in the posh, rich town, charged me $75 to part my hair down the middle and cut around my neck. It was uneven, but I was glad all that nasty bleached out hair was gone. I could have done a better job with garden shears.

Hair is serious business. And for the record--every hair cut I've had in Utah was WAY, WAY, WAY better than any cut in NY. Hands down.

b. said...

My mom was a hairdresser. We had a beauty shop in our basement. When I was in the 6th grade, my mom cut my hair short THEN gave me a perm (my hair wasn't curly curly until I became a mother-I don't know how adoption made my hair curlier...).
I had a big fat FRO. I mean a FRO. I remember the next morning walking around town for 2 hours before getting enough nerve to walk into class. Traumatic. I remember it like it was yesterday. And it wasn't.
My second worst was the one I got in New York. I cried hard then.

Olivia said...

Is this Patrick-Shep's-protegee? I was just at Shep's last weekend! Maybe it's a different PAtrick, though... I once got a really short haircut while I was in the MTC (my mom checked me out of the MTC to get it... she was friends with the MTC President's wife, who understood the need for one last girl's day out....) It was a bit too short for my features. I didn't cry. But I did take Lopa to get a haircut where she cried once. It was awful.

AzĂșcar said...

Yes, yes, it's Shep's Patrick.

I'm going to note, before Tiffany does, that the reason I've never had a really terrible cut is that I am afraid. AFRAID. Therefore I am conservative with my choices. Are you surprised I am a control freak about my hair? Don't you know me at all? Today is the day that I let Patrick do whatever he wants. SCARY. (Like Halloween.)

Monica B. said...

My worst haircut, wasn't even a haircut it was a home done perm. The word home done explains it all. My aunt thought she would help my mom and roll half of my head. Well she rolled a little tighter than my mom did and I ended up with half my head curly, and half just wavey. I think I did cry.

Then there was the time my mom decided to cut my hair and accidently snipped the bottom of my ear.

I have plenty of bad hair memories. Thats probably why my hair is long now.

Marilyn said...

I've never really had a cut that made me cry, but I did have a perm that left me in tears. A perm is so very...permanent.

It was in high school and I'm pretty sure my friends shed no tears, only shrieks of laughter, as they told me "Don't worry, Marilyn, it looks great, the poodle effect is totally back in style!"

Good luck with your daring haircut, will you post pics?

Rynell said...

My bad hair cuts contributed dramatically to my awkward phase. Bad (feathered) hair cut + perm = torture. And bangs look horrid with my low hairline/smallish forehead.

For the last 10 years, I have only gone to MY stylist--I can call her that after a 10 year relationship. She knows my (overabundant, wavy, fine textured) hair and she makes it all better.

sarah k. said...

San Dimas High School Football RULES!!! Er, I mean Short Hair RULES!!!

Jennifer B. said...

My worst haircut?

Three words: Bozo the Clown

BowlerGirl said...

I am currently living with the worst hair cut ever. Uneven bangs, a layered front that does not match the back. It is killing me. The unfortunate thing is that I got this done at a barber/beauty salon. (It's a strange Jersey thing).
I've been there several times and had great cuts. If this was a high-priced-fancy-schmancy salon I would just march my ugly hair back in there and make them fix it. I'm a little unsure of what the barber shop etiquette is on this one though. Suggestions?

Kalli Ko said...

I'll admit it. I cried like a little girl when I went in to have some layers put in my luscious long locks and came out with 5 inches less.

I was pissed for weeks. In fact, I'm still pissed about it. Long hair takes TIME to grow. It was at that point I severed my relationship with said hair dresser/former friend. Layers does not mean minus 5 inches. Not in my world it doesn't.

Bek said...

My only disasters are when I lived in england and not matter whta I asked for, I came out with the "rachel" which is not a great look on my curly hair.

Can I make a date w/ your patrick? I need a curly hair genious and I am dying for a cut/color. Seriously. I'll be out between Christmas and new years. I am dying. I know what a good cut can do for curly hair. I NEED it.

Marie said...

My DIY mom wielded the shears until I went to BYU, at which point I was very easily impressed by the $4 cuts from students at the local hair schools.

The worst haircut I ever had was one I gave myself in college (one of those I-hate-my-hair-so-much-that-I-can't-wait-until-morning desperation things). It was sort of bob length and truly dreadful, with lopsided bangs. I was too embarrassed to go to a professional at that point and admit what I'd done, so I decided this was my big chance to try the classic pixie cut for the first time. I kept cutting and cutting and the pixie turned out to be one of the BEST cuts I've ever had, and I would proudly tell people "I cut it myself!" I kept it up for the next year on my own, enduring the comments from roommates who earnestly informed me that it just wasn't sane to cut one's own hair, even if one was capable of doing so. I informed them that the ways of the cheapskate are beyond reason.

These days, however, I'm addicted to the Aveda pre-cut scalp massage. I would pay $40 just for the massage and to have someone play with my hair for an hour.

~cari~ said...

My mom cut my hair up until I was married. She had a license and normally did a great job. But two weeks before I was married, I asked her to cut a few layers in my long hair because I wanted to wear my hair down and curly for my wedding and I needed a few layers to keep the curl. Well, here's what I got.
It's was like a bad mix between Farrah and a head-banger do. I was devistated!

April said...

I just recently looked at pictures of myself from a couple of years ago when I had long hair, and I just hated it! I'm so glad I had the guts to chop it off. Curls and layers are wonderful!

Worst hair experience was when I was in California, where I'd asked for a color and hair cut. The color took 3 hours (and she used two colors instead of 1, which meant more money) and turned out black instead of reddish brown. I wouldn't let her anywhere near my hair with scissors after that. Total cost: $125. #($)(@&@)@!!!

Kate Benson said...

Right when I got married, because I now had a mate and no longer needed to attract the opposite sex, I cut off all my one-length-to-my-waist hair into a sassy pixie cut. I laid my foot long black braid on my mothers pillow. She cried. A lot.

Worst cut though? I was going just growing my hair out from being really short and it was at a really obnoxious stage -bangs longer than the back, hair growing half way over the ears, just ugly, but it was perfect for a funky, extreme a-line cut. The hairstylist didn't know her scissors from her *^# because instead of going "shorter in the back" (meaning closer to the scalp like any professional would know when doing an a-line) she kept cutting up, up, up and shaved a straight mens neckline half way up my scalp... yeah I could feel her hands shaking with each shear.

Imagine NO hair on the back of my head up to the lower part of my ears and longer hair on the top of my head to the top of my ears A FREAKIN BOWL CUT!!! I cried for weeks... I had to cut my hair all off to make it look somewhat normal... my husband then cried.

Emily said...

Wow, can anyone rival Kate Benson's story?

I am actually president of the "Need A Hair-cut Club" right now. My hair is so long, it's stupid. I am starting to feel like a member of the Warren Jeff's clan. That bad.

Hope your new do is dreamy.

Am'n2deep said...

Alright, my best friend cuts my hair, so I must handle this delicately. Really it wasn't her fault. After a major surgery, combined with a very stressful time in my life, I lost major amounts of hair. My hair had been all one length to my shoulders. When it started growing back, I had a two inch layer underneath sticking straight out. Wasn't pretty. Well, we were heading to New York--now I realize from the above comments, that this should have been a sign NOT to get my hair cut. I asked my best friend to just cut it short to blend in the new growth. Uuh, New York is much more humid than Utah and I have curly hair. Wasn't pretty AT ALL! But I sucked it up since I was headed on an all expense paid week long vacation!

mandy said...

I once got a haircut from a stylist that didn't understand the phrase "a few long layers in the back and a little shaping in the front." She took it to mean, "I'd like one mullet, please." I didn't cry, but I fumed for days until my roommates convinced me it really wasn't that bad. I think they were lying. I'm just glad my hair grows fast.

little mama said...

My shaggy mop would put anyone to shame. I have not had a haircut in 15 months, and my hair grows quickly. I'm desperate! My big day is coming up soon, and I, too, am going short. I've only been short once before, and it was like bad Ellen hair, but brown.
I do not know how to communicate what I want to hairdressers! What do you say? A shaped bob, about chin length, with side-swept bangs could be Natalie Imbruglia cute, or David Spade-like.
And on a Friends note - Remember the Dudley/Demi Moore haircut fiasco? "But, that's how HE wears it!"

Tiffany Twisted said...

I'm ready to cry because my hair stylist just left Shep's and now I have a newbie. 3 days before I really need an amazing cut!!

Worst hair cut = 4th grade. My mom used to think she was a beautician as well (it seems to be popular on this post) and gave me the worst layered rounded hair bowl ever -- a little like the 80s MOD hair you described in the post azu (which is why I could not stomach that hair no matter how popular!!!) It was the night before picture day. I cry every time.

~j. said...

I'm not a stylist, but I work in a salon/spa, and I have to speak up: BRING IN A PICTURE, IF YOU CAN. Honestly. The stylists hate when they get it wrong, but lots of people have trouble describing just what they want. If you see a picture of it anywhere, bring it to your stylist. If they can't create it from that: get a new stylist.

ps - in high school i let my boyfriend cut my hair. yeeeaaaahhh.

fijiangirl said...

my worst hair cut? The 5th grade. I had long, long princess hair! My mom took me into a salon where grown ups went. No more kiddie chaird a real adult salon... the guy who cut my hair took me into the back so my mom couldn't see. Mom asked for a trim of 2 or so inches so my hair reached mid back. Stupid guy gave me the Dorothy hamill bob! I cried but was too scared to say anything bad about it. I was only 10! Needless to say I have been scared to have a man cut my hair ever since. I will never, ever cut my own hair I know I would just screw it up!

compulsive writer said...

Two words.

The Rachel.

I asked for something simple and easy because I had just given birth to baby number 3.

As per usual, I got whatever the stylist wanted to cut that day, which was The Rachel. To add insult to injury as I got in the car to drive home guess what song was playing on the radio?

Simple and easy? No way.

Do I look like Jennifer Aniston? Abso-jealous-lutely not.

Did I cry? Only until it grew back out.

Now I usually have a stylist flown in from Portland when I need a good cut.

Not really, but my brother has a salon in Portland and I grovel at his feet when he comes to town until he cuts my hair.

sue-donym said...

I shaved my eyebrows with a razor once when I was in Jr. High.

I don't think I have ever had a GOOD haircut. No matter who does it or how they do it, my hair has one style, and one style only. And it's 80's chic.

Michelle said...

Fifth grade perm and hair cut, result- looking like Dolly Parton. I did have a cute smile though! Good luck with Patrick he is really good- just tell me how happy does he get and we've never been close enough to discuss his love life- interesting....

Chelsea M. said...

I'm so jealous you get to go to Patrick!!!! He cut my hair right before we moved (not he didn't blow dry it, but still a great cut), and I LOVED it so much. My hair would normally be good for another 2 months, but pregnancy has made it grow like a weed, and I'm overdue for another cut. I'm pretty sure I won't find anyone here in Eastern Washington who can compare to Pat. Let's see some pics!

Sue said...

I had a spiral perm the summer before my senior year in high school when that was the THING for a while. Actually I had two. The first one I got in the summer, and it was SO CUTE. I used a ton of sun-in that summer, so that I had tons of highlights to go with my cute hair. A week before school started I went in to get another perm. It fried. It was horrible. Horrible. That was a really bad year.

I hope your haircut is wonderful, and that Patrick is wonderful.

b. said...

ps. Thank you. Thank you for writing Cojones. All this time I thought it was Kahunas and Hawaiian.
I heart you.

Rachel said...

thanks for flattering me today, carina. i clicked on the link, fully expecting a different rachel. fuzz... i just got mine re-chopped and i feel liberated and thrilled. i love short hair!

and, glad you liked the goods.

Geo said...

sue-do wins with the eyebrows.

Tears for hairs—I've shed a million.