Friday, October 05, 2007

Yesterday I walked out of my office and into a gaggle of boys. Oh, you didn’t know that boys can be a gaggle? Well, they can.

“YES!” said DCart to me, “What are you doing tonight?”

“Uhm, that depends”

“We’re playing a game tonight. We need help with our football team.”

“Well, I AM the Quarterback Princess,” I said.

“No,” laughed DCart, “We don’t have anyone to watch the kids at the game. Our wives are all busy with obligations.”

a.) I am not your wife and

b.) Watch the kids?

Watch the kids?

I barely want to watch my kids sometimes, let alone your kids. Sorry, I’m going to be too busy to watch the kids. I’d rather watch the paint dry.

I was watching my kids this morning (yes, really, peanut gallery.) Is it bad that I'm secretly thrilled when Proximo ruins El Guille's elaborate train track set up? After all the times I clean up after him, it's kind of like the baby is getting my revenge for me.

“You should keep him still!” said El Guille in his most adamant voice.

“Mmm,” I responded noncommittally.

Soon, I shall be pitting them against each other in small cage matches and charging three bucks for entry. Don’t worry I’ll put most of the proceeds into their college funds. Hey, remind me to set up college funds for them.


compulsive writer said...

I happen to know where you can do just that.

Watch the paint dry, that is.

And don't you love watching irony play itself out in the very lives of your offspring?

My money is on Proximo.

Lindsey said...

I thought I was the only one who smiled when my baby antagonized my older child. I'm going as far as to say I love it. 'Cause I do. And I especially love it when he wakes her up from a peaceful slumber by pulling her hair. That is what, I believe, is called poetic justice.

And what the heck? Your buddies at work wanted YOU to babysit for THEM? So they could play football? Only a man could come up with such a brilliant plan.

Mrs. Dub said...

This is like the woman in my ward (who is nearly my same age) who called last night and asked if Mr. Dub and I would watch her FOUR kids for the weekend. As I sat speechless, she added, "We'll pay you!"

To which I said, "Unless you're rate is $1,000 an hour, it's not enough." Except I said it in my mind, not aloud. So I settled for, "I think we're having visitors that weekend."

sarah k. said...

I love baby wars. Calvin and Zeeb get so mad when Kiki turns off the TV, but I've already lived through two kids' worth of watching shows 2 1/2 minutes at a time. No sympathy.

I hope you gave those twerps at work a sound tongue-lashing. Maybe they need to be reminded that normal people pay a babysitter, they don't ask a co-worker just because she happens to be female.

wendysue said...

Quarterback princess. Flood of memories. Who could forget that scene in the locker room with the prom dress? Weren't we all just bawling with our pre-pubescent hormones??

Kalli Ko said...

I have a couple of luchadero masks to offer up. Don't ask me why I have them but I do. I think it could make things interesting.

April said...

I'd be worried if you weren't a little pleased at Proximo's Revenge. (How's that for a title??)

Guys are idiots. Do these boys read your blog? I hope they read all the comments about how dumb they are. (As you go into work and they're like, "Who's this April bitch?" hahaha) But seriously.

RC Cola! said...

What did you say to DCart? Did he HONESTLY think just because you're a woman you'd want to watch their kids?

*shakes head with deadly expression on my face*

Well I never!

Azúcar said...

I laughed and said, "It's too far away."

"But it's right down the street. You could walk there!"

"Hey, I'm not walking anywhere. Besides, I think I'm busy."

And I was. I was busy not watching kids.

When you work with mostly men, you understand that sometimes they're going to say things that make you roll your eyes. Occasionally, you call them on it and it makes them embarrassed. Other times, you just blog about it.

more caffeine, please said...

Yes, I'll watch your kids. Right after you go to the store and buy me some tampons.

c jane said...

My money is on Proximo.

Sue said...

Glad I'm not the only negligent parent who has failed to plan for the future. Hey, I had to work my way through school. Oh, wait, I never finished college. Well, if it's good enough for me...

Azúcar said...

Sue, my parents told us when we were quite young, "There's no money for college." Good to know! Then again, since they're professors, we got half tuition, so it was kind of like there was money for college. We just understood that if we wanted to go, and wanted to not go to the half-tuition place, we'd all have to work hard enough to get a scholarship. That's not such a bad message to send to kids.

MCP- you'd better believe that I'm totally going to use that.

cjane- that's the sucker bet.

Emily said...

You totally should have gotten half tuition plus half tuition.

My husband wasn't very interested in buying me tampons tonight. What's the problem?

Jennifer B. said...

Ha! I'm with More Caffeine.

~cari~ said...

Men! Sometimes they are so stupid.

b. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
b. said...

" could walk there" AND watch the kids??

You and Other Half (no rush/no pressure, everybody else IS doing it) need to create a sister...she'll wipe the floor with both of them.

kiki said...

Hilarious! I have 3 bucks waiting for that match-up

Michelle said...

Your posts are way too hilarious- the best comedy around- hands down!

annette said...

Oi! I am a fan of C jane's. I love, love, love reading your blog and comments! I am guessing that you are from Brazil (super legal!)

Ok, first- I tried to make the doce de leche via crockpot. 8.5 hrs. later... just warm scmilk and a ring in the bottom of my crockpot I just gave up. :( Oh sadness.

2nd- When you ask El Guille why he made the mess, what does he say? I say it's past time to put locks on your cubboard! One of my children cannot be trusted w/o 24 hr. supervision, so if I needed a nap, I would put him in his room with books, etc. and jam a washcloth in his door to "keep him safe" I explained. He bought it and it wked til he was 5!

Rynell said...

I'm thinking that El Guille would hurl Hershey's syrup, Parmesan cheese and Mayan chocolate at Proximo until he couldn't put up a fight or see straight. Because we know that the older boy would be that resourceful, even locked in a cage.

So I'm putting money on El Guille.

Tiffany said...

Will you be selling season tickets?

Olivia said...

I watch other people's kids (for money), but that's because I don't have any of my own. If I ever I do, I plan on paying other people to watch them, and/or just "accidentally" leaving them at McDonald's Playlands for hours on end on a regular basis.... Once I tried to get some kids I was being paid to watch to stop hitting/biting/tasering each other by saying, "Hey guys, we don't fight." To which he responded, "Oh yes we do. In THIS family, we fight. ALL of us."

Azúcar said...

Annette- welcome, sorry, nope, not a drop of Brazil in me. However, my mother was raised in Uruguay. The crockpot dulce de leche didn't work for me either.

El Guille usually says one of two things to me,

"Don't see this! Don't see this!"

in a VERY angry voice,

"I REAL sorry mama, I REAL SORRY."

Tiffany said...

"Don't see this!" is still my favorite thing EVER.