Monday, December 03, 2007

El Guille, "You're cool, mom."
Me, "What?"
"You're cool!"
"You're cool. Can I watch another T.V. show now?"

I dance a little.
E.G., "Can you not do that?"

We went to the BYU Christmas party on Saturday. I tried to get a picture of the kids with Cosmo to prove that we're raising them in the way of all light and truth to be Fully Invested. Well, you would have thought that I was asking El Guille to take a stick, sharpen it with an ex-acto knife, and then use both implements to remove his eyes.

I guess that's a "No."

Next we went to the writing tables to "write" a letter to Santa.
"Do you want to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?"
"YOU tell him for me, mama."


We've hit another stage: the I LOVE MY BROTHER TO DEATH stage.

EL Guille wants to PLAY with Proximo. It would be lovely if it was just sharing toys and showing the baby how the trains work. Oh no, this is I LOVE MY BROTHER TO DEATH. Jumping over the baby, only moderately successful with completion of 4 of 6 attempts, is just the beginning.

"BUT he wants to PLAY WITH ME," El Guille assures me as he drags screaming Proximo by the feet of his footie jammies along the hallway.

"BUT I LOVE HIM," El Guille insists as he squeezes Proximo harder and harder, eliciting angry protests from the baby.

"BUT he WANTS to go THIS WAY," El Guille exercises both methods; squeezing harder and dragging by torso across the living room as Proximo shoots me a frightened look.

Yesterday, as I was reading, I heard a sound I had never heard before: the baby screaming in an urgent, staccato, high pitched way that kind of made your blood run cold. We found him in the hallway with a belt TIGHTENED around his NECK as El Guille tried to pull him like a DOG.

Good thing I haven't bought anything for Proximo for Christmas; it saves me from returning them since he probably won't survive the next 22 days.

You were pretty cool, Proximo.

Can I watch another T.V. show now?


Mandee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mandee said...

I can't believe E.G. is still alive after the whole belt around the neck incident.

My 3 & 5year olds love dragging the 16 month old around the house by the feet of his pajamas, and sometimes his arms. And my 16 month old loves it, too. And then they all play cars together, and the older two laugh while making farting noises for each other. Little boys are great.

sarah k. said...

I think my heart just stopped a little.

Alas, those days are not yet past with my monsters. Sometimes it looks like one is trying to rescue the other from shark-infested waters, minus the sharks and water.

Queen Scarlett said...

My jaw... is on the floor. At least you're cool... now let him watch some TV. ;-)

Cosmo...with that face... is kind of creepy.

more caffeine, please said...

I think I'd have the same reaction if you made me sit by Cosmo. :-)

Marie said...

Oh my WORD. It's a good thing I don't babysit your kids. I would plead "defending the baby," but the real cause of death would be my rage. As a teenager I got blacklisted by the parents in my neighborhood for my violence in defending one family's cat against the family Brat. And I'd do it again, by golly! Raaawwwrrr!

La Yen said...

I am impressed that he has enough manual dexterity to fasten a belt that tight. Sounds like he is almost ready for sweat shop work!

And, honestly, I am sure that you did the same thing to your sisters.

Azúcar said...

That piecework isn't going to do itself!

I DID do the same things and worse. Like the time that Jeffiner and I put Baby Korespeed behind the sofa and put pillows on top of him. Or when we put pillows on top of Korespeed and then sat on him. WE LOVED HIM SO MUCH.

i i eee said...

It's stories like these that make me want to have children. No, seriously. Although minus the baby becoming the dog part.

Am'n2deep said...

Giggling, chuckling, laughing out loud a little, and then dead stop....Oooh Nooooo!
Sounds like you've got your hands full!

(Is it psychotic that I'm back to stifling another chuckle? So sorry.)

Lois, Our Lady of Blogs said...

Too funny -- and scary.

I was holding my baby on my lap and she just let out a horrible, agonizing scream. I looked down and her older brother was in the process of biting one of her toes off.

Now they're the best of friends. Go figure. Hope you survive the holidays!

compulsive writer said...

It's really a miracle anyone survives siblings.

April said...

Compulsive writer, truer words were never spoken.

The belt around the neck made me panic a little. I convinced myself that since you're blogging about it, he's obviously survived. And I trust EG has survived whatever punishment you meted out?

Azúcar said...

Proximo did survive. He looked so pitiful with that big black belt around his neck. His little baby blue eyes said, "HELP ME! Take me away from that monster!" El Guille was rightly scolded by Dad and sent immediately to bed for the rest of the afternoon.

Azúcar said...

p.s. I am afraid to shower or leave them alone for a minute together.

FoxyJ said...

My daughter made her little brother start turning blue one time by gripping his shirt tightly around his neck. "But I was HUGGING him mom". Yeah. Loving to death takes on a whole new significance.

I don't leave mine alone together much if I can help it. It even makes me a little nervous when they're awake together in the bedroom, although at least the little guy is in the crib.

sarah k. said...

Oh yeah, I just remembered something that happened when we brought Kiki home from the hospital. She was like 4 days old, and Calvin wanted to sing "Rock-a-my-baby" (his own translation) to her. I would always sing it to him and rock him, then at the end, I'd either pretend I was going to drop him and catch him at the last minute, or toss him onto the bed. He was 4, so no big deal. Well, he was singing along, and I didn't think to tell him to be careful at the end. He was sitting on my bed, holding her in his cross-legged lap. He sang to the end, then, before I could react, tossed her onto the be in front of him. 4 days old!

And my kids do the covering with cushions and sitting on thing all the time. Drives me inSANE!

sue-donym said...

I'm really glad you shared this. I'm afraid a lot of moms out there think they are "bad" moms when something like this happens. They need to know that it happens to good moms too.

I wish I would have thought of more ways to LOVE MY SISTER SO MUCH. I was just not creative enough I guess. I wonder if it is too late?

Azúcar said...

Sue, it is NOT too late. You can go to her house right now and squeeeeeeeeeze her. Maybe you could crash her car while you were taking to get it detailed? Maybe you could just love little Baby A. SO MUCH.

Karyn said...

It is amazing that anyone with a loving sibling survives childhood. My little one is now old enough to start loving back...hard. Let the true love begin.

Julie said... remind me of those days when one of my brothers would sit on me and tickle me until I cried. My mom told me it was because he loved me and didn't know how to show it any other way. I didn't buy it. (He's 7 years older than I am.)

Poor Proximo. At least you come to his defense and mete out appropriate punishments.

Geo said...

I think I sprained my hair reading this one. I can't make it stop standing on end.

janaya said...

i'm feeling silly that for months we've been commenting occasionally to each other via mrs. dub's blog. so i'm taking the plunge today and commenting straight on your blog. :) i should have known your actual blog would be as funny and witty as your comments on mrs. dub's blog.

anyway, thanks for the midwife suggestion. totally into that! when the time comes, i'll have to ask for recommendations. :)

wendysue said...

Hey, survival of the fittest. . .that's what he's going for. He just forgot that Proximo is a good 2-3 years younger than him.

Sue said...

Heh heh - they learn how to manipulate at such an early age.

Son: "You are great mom, I love you."

Me: "Aw, thanks honey."

Son: "Can I has candy?"


Lyle said...

"get a picture of the kids with Cosmo to prove that we're raising them in the way of all light and truth..." What more proof does one need than to have their picture taken with Cosmo? Too bad it didn't pan out.

Ryan and Susie said...

oh yeah, a chastising was definitely called for. Poor Proximo.

liz said...

O M Gosh.

my hands tremble as I write this simply because we both know your life is the future of mine.

What's with the squeezing of feet and hands?! Z does that to E all the time and presses his tummy like there is a secret button and it's going to make the baby talk or something? these boys....

Heidi said...

Love that! My sweet two year old thinks jumping over the baby is the height of coolness. I couldn't imagine why he thought so until I saw his DAD doing it and laughing.

Oh, Dad! You're such a sterling example! Fortunately, Dad is coordinated enough not to land on the baby. The two year old? Eh, not so much.

Olivia said...

I love that I can come over to your webhouse, open the fridge and find a million great things to laugh at. It gives me a sense of control in a world of chaos.