Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Two Lessons in Physical Pain

Me: Put down my [expensive bottle of Chanel] perfume!

Me: Put it down.

Don’t touch it.

Don’t touch it.

Leave [The Chanel] alone



Me: You sprayed yourself in the eyes and now you want me to feel sorry for you?

Guille: My eyes! It hurts!


Didn’t I tell you not to touch it?

Didn’t I say to put it down?

Didn’t I say to leave it alone?


I guess Coco Chanel continues to cause consternation and pain posthumously to men everywhere.


I’ve been making homemade marshmallows to give away lately. I normally make caramels or caramel sauce for the holidays, but I wanted to shake things up a little. To make marshmallows, you need to make soft ball stage syrup. If you’ve ever made candy or caramel, you know that you must watch the syrup carefully because the temperature reaches and then exceeds the correct temperature quite quickly. I thought I’d throw together a batch and allow it to cool before work the other day. I was almost there when the baby woke up and demanded to be set free. I got back to see that I was already into hard crack (which I thought I’d kicked back in the late 80s.)

Soft ball – fudge, marshmallows

Hard ball- caramels

Soft crack – butterscotch

Hard crack – lollipops, toffee, and you’re screwed

I wasn’t going to make marshmallows with hard crack (that sounds funny and illegal.) I decided to make butterscotch and add a cube of frozen butter. The butter brought the temperature down and we still had a few minutes before we got back to soft ball stage. That’s when I heard a scream, some crying, and was subsequently found by El Guille. His jammies caught a certain part of the body in the zipper. It was all very much There’s Something About Mary, except there was no prom, no paramedics, and thankfully no Cameron Diaz (because she likes them young and who knows how young she's willing to go.)

After a comfort and some sympathy, we were back up to hard crack. I added the evaporated milk and resigned myself to making caramels—as usual—for the holidays. So for those of you who consumed caramels, just know the physical sacrifice they entailed and be thankful.


c jane said...

How about hard crack, chanel-flavored sacrificial caramels? Hmmm? Next year maybe?

emilyanne said...

In the zipper?? Oh. Poor Guille. Yowza! Your kids sure give you great things to blog about. And I'm sure your caramels are delectable.

Happy Holidays!

Julie said...

The two most sensitive parts of his body...oh, poor Guille! Does this make up for his pouring shampoo into his baby brother's eyes?

Lindsey said...


And I love the way you cook like I do.

kiki said...

Poor baby!

Rynell said...

Poor little guy.

What painful lessons...

(and I'll wager your caramels were delish anyway...)

Lois, Our Lady of Blogs said...

Your blog makes me understand why some animals eat their young.

Seriously, you just make me laugh so hard!

You are brave to make marshmallows. Even though I own a candy thermometer, I am not nearly brave enough to do any of that soft ball, hard crack type of stuff. And as of yesterday, my kids broke my candy thermometer and now there's shards of glass all in my kitchen drawer, so I don't think that I'll be cooking ANYTHING for a while.

SusieQ said...

I don't think I've ever even owned a candy thermometer. I'm a little scared of the whole hot bubbly syrupy sugar. I know, it's weird. I really should get over it.

wesley's mom said...

I am so impressed by your quick thinking and improvising. I would have just been chucking the wrecked marshmallows.

sarah k. said...

I think you and I were doing some simultaneous bubble-bubble-toil-and-trouble-ing. But my problem happened when I added the chocolate chips to the toffee and they immediately scorched. I gave the hard "fudge" to the Air Vehicles
Directorate. And then I made some good stuff for us.

Kalli Ko said...

perfume to the eye, zipper to the whatzit, it's like he's out to get himself, a little subconscious retribution.

Poor Kid!

i love carmels, we should eat them year round

Mo Jo's Weekly Update said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
April said...

Poor little frank and beans. (What? That's what the guy calls them in "Something About Mary.")

I'm not a marshmallow fan, but those caramels sound yummy.

By the way, the whole time I was reading the perfume exchange, I envisioned you at Lois and El Guille as Peter from "The Family Guy."

Geo said...

There he goes, collecting on all of that bad karma from last week. Sorry anyway, little guy.