We’ve had a huge project at work and instead of having downtime during the holidays we were working every spare moment. I might one day get to take a day off, but not this week.
On Friday morning, I decided to have a run before getting ready for (more) work. I went back into the living room and discovered El Guille…I’m going to interrupt my narrative to say that my pediatrician and I had a discussion the other day about vitamins. I didn’t want to give Proximo the prescription vitamin drops, fluoride yes, vitamins and fluoride, no.
“You have something against vitamins?” smiled the pediatrician in that ‘Surely Mrs. Jet Set you must be joking’ kind of way. I assure you I am not.
“Don’t you think, though, that if breastmilk is low in Vitamin D, it must be that way by natural design?”
“No,” says my otherwise kind pediatrician, “Because Ricketts is natural too.”
Point and counterpoint, but your argument fails to win over my skepticism.
Thursday night, I was in Costco picking up dinner when a huge bottle of vitamins came into my line of vision. Maybe I am being too strange on the vitamins thing, I thought to myself. At the very least, it’s probably no big deal if I pick up a bottle and start El Guille on the dole. In fact, it’s probably an extremely responsible Mother of the Year type of thing to give your child a daily vitamin. And that’s how I walked out of Costco with a bottle of
The next morning, Friday, I walked to the living room to get my running shoes and there, on the coffee table, was one large bottle of
But how? I asked myself, How? The bottle was closed! Never even opened! How could El Guille have gotten through the plastic safety seal on the outside, the child-proof cap? He got through the foil--although that one is on me because I taught him to open his own yogurt foil lids. The cotton was scattered about the room. Child-proof cap! Child-proof cap!
“Did you eat these?” I said calmly to El Guille
“Yes! They’re good!” El Guille said, happily.
“How many? How many?”
I grabbed all the vitamins and put them in one location. 300, that was what the bottle said, so I started counting.
“..10, 11, 12, 13,” I said out loud, knowing that I needed to be accurate in the number of consumed pills.
“13! 18! 11! 20!” El Guille shouted, happy to be playing a counting game. I wanted to wring his neck, but decided to keep calm before the Chewable Dino Shapes finished him off from the inside.
52 missing. 52 missing vitamin pills.
This is probably just a call for help, right, not an actual OD attempt? He's El Guille, not Nikki Sixx.
I called Poison Control.
“Can you give me the exact name of the vitamins as it appears on the label?”
Except it wasn’t a bit, it was writhing, the kid was miserable. I rubbed it in at every point of time.
“My tummy hurts! It hurts!”
“Did you take the bottle?”
“Does your tummy hurt?”
“Yes, make it stop.”
“You ate the pills from the bottle, that’s why it hurts. I can’t make it stop.” And so on.
The tummy ache was only the beginning, as the vitamins began to come out from both ends of the boy. I ran out of sheets to put on his bed. I had to call in to my boss to tell him I would be late. “Just take the day off, or do what you can from home,” he said. The ordeal was so bad that the carpet cleaners are coming Monday--we had to move the furniture to cover the stains until then.
So, I finally got a day off of work, but it was more work than being at work. My kid made it through a child-proof cap and ate 52 vitamins.
Maybe I legitimately do have something against vitamins.