Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Not Really a Retrospective

As one of the first acts of 2008, Baby Proximo broke my mug.

My favorite mug that I got as a wedding present from my friend Camille. The mug that holds an awesome life-giving 20 ounces of Pero and my morning cup of wake-me-up cocoa, or almost a whole can of Campbell's Noodle Soup that I will refuse to admit I drink in real life. The mug that is the horrid shade of forest green I thought was my favorite color ten years ago and therefore kitted my whole newlywed house out in cream and forest green to my current disgust; well it broke.

(Dear Newlyweds,
Just buy items in white.
You in ten years time.)

I couldn't even hate the baby for reaching out his little pudgy fingers and throwing the mug down and against the brick wall-I mean, come on, he's only a baby, he's got at least 6 more months before I start using the belt. Am I going to do a retrospective? I already did.

Oh, you mean on the year, not on the mug.

I haven't decided yet. I usually dislike reading retrospectives on the year passing/now past; it's boring and I didn't have any wake-me-up cocoa so I am even more grumpy.

I spent New Year's with Anne, as I have done so often I might as well not even wonder what I am doing next year. There I was, sitting in between Anne's mom and Anne's sisters, playing a card game, called Curses, that we quickly concluded was much better for a.) drunk people b.) high school students, or even possibly c.) drunk high school students. We were none of the previous, so the game disbanded soon after I was required to start every sentence with "Oh please play that one on me," scratch myself every time anyone made an animal noise, and to speak like both Elmer Fudd and Scooby-Doo (two curses I had to use my considerable accent skills to combine.) I deliberately threw the game, which is unlike me.

Next, I was called to play a game called Ticket to Ride. The moment I sat down, Anne's brother-in-law mentioned in a kind, but patronizing tone, that I could not possibly win. My blood boiled, which is like me.

First, I told an off-color story involving anatomy and children's toys. Will I tell it here? No, but you may ask me the next time you see me, if you can handle the off-color. I like to think that this bit of blue storytelling unnerved the competition and I handed their collective colas to them on a plate. Do not challenge me to a game, I have been schooled by my Other Half and he is the game-master.

The clock struck midnight, we did a brief cheer and continued our game, because winning is more important then one year yielding to the next. There was talk of finding a rumored waffle party at a friend's house. We seriously considered this option, and then decided that the enriched white bleached flour rolls, which we were downing like it was 1985, were probably enough for our bloodsugars. Besides, I am on FIRE after midnight, who wants to chance the fun leaving by shifting the party location?

Anne and I hatch plans for next year. It's decided that there might be a black and white party, ala Capote, with a band (Me: in favor) and possibly a scavenger hunt (Me: opposed.)

"All out!" Anne says, "We're going all out next year. Christmas will be low-key and it's going to be pandemonium on New Years."

Maybe she didn't say pandemonium, maybe I added that in for dramatic effect.

Lost a job
Had a baby
Found post-partum depression
Found post-partum depression could kick my cola
Got some Fizz (tm)
Other Half found his dream job
Let El Guille grow his hair out
Got grief from the known world for my shaggy-headed boy
Loved my baby
Loved my babies
10 years with Other Half (it's better than ever)
Robert Jordan died (still trying to formulate a post)
Killed a mixer
Killed another mixer
Got to medium on Guitar Hero
Spent time with YOU

/end retrospective


La Yen said...

Ticket to Ride is my favorite game. I have never won. I have never placed anywhere but last. But it is still my favorite game.

Maybe I will be up with all the pandemonium next New Years.

Lois said...

So my sister convinced me to play "Ticket to Ride" and tried to explain the rules in her usual way (which is like reading stereo instructions in Korean). Half-way through the game, it's dawned on me that she never told me the OBJECT of the game. "Hey, how do you win?" I finally ask. Needless to say, I lost miserably.

kiki said...

I played Ticket to Ride for the first time last week. I also kicked ass. Wait...we're using the word cola here. I forgot.

Rynell said...

Ticket to Ride has frequented our New Years (and other) festivities too.

Julie said...

I have never played--let alone heard of--Ticket to Ride. Someone (ahem) must enlighten me the next time there is a game-type gathering.

ktb said...

I've played curses with high school students - a few weeks ago on a basketball team trip and I can confirm your theory.

I got to medium on Guitar Hero in 2007 too - it arrived in the mail last Saturday and I was on medium by Sunday afternoon.

compulsive writer said...

Obviously I need to expand my repertoire of games. (I was going to stay home New Year's Eve, but a friend of mine 10 years my junior told me she could beat me at Trival Pursuit Totally 80s on New Years Eve and I couldn't resist.)

My blood is boiling that people think they have a right to have an opinion about your child's hair.

And I can't wait for your post about Robert Jordan. I had to quit reading Wheel of Time because it took so long between books I just couldn't remember. I was really counting on that last book to be done so I could take a book a month and start over...

Kalli Ko said...


at least it was productive!

hellooo 2008

Caroline said...

thanks for spending time with me. very appreciative. Plus, hello about "colors" I for one was strawberried out on day 2 of my marriage....

sue-donym said...

You are SO right about newlywed colors - My china is HORRIBLE! I have never used it - 17 years later.

I'm glad it was baby proximo with the mug. (if it had to happen)

wesley's mom said...

I hate it when a favorite mug gets broken, mine always do. I think it's because I make such a big deal about it being my mug, that I like a lot. Then my kids think it's sooo cool(because they admire me sooo much) so they all want to use it too, and everyone knows that whatever the kids use gets broken. It's a law of the universe.

Fig said...

I totally would have laughed at your peeing off the Eiffel Tower story because (a) I am tacky and inappropriate myself and (b) I like peeing stories (see (a)).

Also, I really enjoyed your retrospective. Uncheesy but sweet, aand funny as usual.

April said...

I get too competitive with games, too. I get grumpy. I need to chill out because I know how much I hate it when guys get all agressive and moody when they play games.

I have never heard of Ticket to Ride or Curses. And I've never gotten to play Guitar Hero. Cue the violins. :(

Emily said...

Funny, before I linked to your workplace, I assumed the link was for the new fizzy yogurt. Why I thought this would be an acceptable item to make your 2007 list, I don't know. But I did.

Marie said...

This is my favorite that-was-the-year-that-was posting yet. The mug memorial, the pandemonium. You are a true original.

And I note that "El Guille destroyed the carpet" didn't make the list. Way to Pollyanna.

Kacy said...

Thanks for the note about buying white--where were you 14 years and a rainbow of jewel tones ago?

Brooke said...

you had me at forest green.

i had a thing for it as well.

luckily i also had a thing for white stuff from crate and barrel. (that's right-- i did the leggings in forest green and the dishes in white.)

also: medium on guitar hero!?! impressive indeed.

Lyle said...

Have you tried a Bosch mixer?

Robert Jordan is a love hate relationship. [I think he planned for it to happen this way.]