jetsetgreen

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Mini Salon

I sound like Selma and Patty from the Simpsons. My husband laughs at me. I’m prone to dry hacking fits and bloody noses. If you’re thinking I’m a hot mess, you’d be right.

"It hurts to talk," I squawk in a vain impersonation of Mariah Carey's octave range, "I can't talk anymore."
"I've been waiting ten years to hear you say that," Other Half counters.

All this not being able to talk is really throwing a wrench into Other Half’s and I’s scintillating late night conversations. On deck tonight: square roots and their squares, types of proofs, and psychedelic root canals.

We really do have discussions and debates about the most interesting stuff.

Sometimes we sink a little and snicker at pop culture. Baby Proximo was the judge for who could do the best Seinfeld impression while holding a toy bee from B Movie. The baby swiveled his little round head between us as we giggled. I don’t think Proximo has the best frame of reference for judging impressions, but for the record, I won (I’m the ringer.)

Last night we howled at a guy on Charlie Rose who informed us that Barack Obama was “literally formed from pieces of John F. Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy.” “GROSS!” I croaked. “He’s undead?” said Other Half, which really raised Obama in his esteem. Then we spent the next five minutes doing Frankenstein monster impressions.

We don’t like it when people say “literally” and mean “figuratively.”

Sadly, I’ve lost my sense of taste. Other Half is overjoyed, “Finally! You can’t taste food and I don’t care!” I made risotto and I have no idea how it really tasted. I couldn’t test the salt levels, or the cheese levels, or the anything. “You can make food like I like it,” He insists. “What? Like mashed potatoes and a hunk of meat?” I say snidely.

We poke fun at each other’s palates.


(But I do want my sense of taste back; I have a box of Belgian chocolates waiting for me that will just taste like shortening if I try to eat them now.)


We do Valentine’s best when I tell him what I want and he gets it for me.


What did I get him? Only the most romantic present on earth…

a second guitar for Guitar Hero so we can play together.

11 comments:

Bek said...

Nice...

I got my other half a Wii for Vday. (that was one of those gifts that was really for me too...). I think that I am the only person on earth that has not yet played Guitar Hero...

Lindsey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsey said...

Oh, you mean you still have to buy presents for each other for V-Day? Yikes. Better get on that.

I think you two are the Utah versions of us--sort of. We don't talk about square roots. We talk about WWII and get snotty about inferior films.

(An aside--I am literally loving that people have been comparing Obama to JFK. I think he's gonna beat Hill.)

b. said...

Now THAT is True Love.

Kalli Ko said...

I have a testimony of gifts that are mutually beneficial

Marie said...

This sounds like marriage heaven to me, trading snarkage on the rest of humanity and then giggling uncontrollably. So romantic! I hope I find my eternal bantering buddy one day soon. I don't even care if he doesn't like my cooking, as long as he complains in an amusing way...

I see what that commentor means about Obama. He does play like a black Kennedy. I just hope he doesn't get shot.

sarah k. said...

Mmmm, hard brown shortening.

Reb said...

You guys are great.

Kacy said...

I am literally lmao.

Lois said...

Hope you're feeling better! Get that sense of taste back so you can eat those chocolates!

Gritty Pretty said...

oh how i wanted to make you a get well soon sign with plastic cups on a fenced overpass! can we just pretend i did? i'm glad you're finally back to general merriment! and it sounds like you've paid your sick dues for the next decade!