jetsetgreen

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The World's Tiniest Violin

Tonight Kanye West performed at the Grammy awards with "Mama" shaved into his head. It was, of course, a tribute to his mother who passed away just a couple months ago.

That is why we've decided to shave El Guille's head with the word "Mami", because I am at death's door.

I haven't been this sick in years; this is my first time being so sick I couldn't even care for my children, so sick I couldn’t even watch TV! Remember all those times when I scoffed at the flu vaccine? Oh, I did, and crow tastes awful. I excused myself from work a little early Friday night when the chills were making it hard to concentrate. I had that terrible feeling while driving home that I probably shouldn't be driving. I slid into bed as soon as I got home and well...I think I writhed with fever for the next two days.

Aches, chills, hot sweats, exhaustion, sore throat, hacking cough, congestion, I'm just a big bag of hotness right now. A silver lining: Other Half cleaned the whole house and finished all the laundry. Major propers to him. Usually he says, along with most of male-dom, “Don’t worry about it!” by which they mean, “Don’t worry about it, because I don’t worry about it. I won’t actually do anything, but I don’t want you to have to worry about it.” This time he stepped up and made it happen (at least I think it was him, I was too out of it to really understand what all that clanging and vacuuming was all about.)

I've mostly lost my voice, and when it does come back, it hurts too much to talk. Other Half and I often have deep discussions on life, the universe, and everything after. Tonight, during an impromptu debate on evolution, I had to whisper out my arguments. When even that began to hurt, I eventually had to just change the subject, "Hey, I really don't like basketball."

My brain works OK when fever is under control, but the rest of my body is mounting a convincing revival of La bohème. Maybe they’ll start to put up street signs and messages spelled out with plastic cups overpasses begging people to hold vigil for me, which would be awesome. I have about 2 minutes of lucidity left before my medicine wears off and I become prostrate once again.

Seriously, having to lay down for two hours for every 5 minutes of stand up time isn't all it's cracked up to be. I am terrified of being alone at home tomorrow with just me and the babes. I can only snap at El Guille with my actual fingers. With my voice gone, I resort to a four-year-old's version of charades to get him to do my bidding. I hope he and the baby don't duel at forty paces while I'm passed out on the couch.

So forgive me if I don’t call you, or appear in public, because talking hurts and I’m infectious. I live a glamorous life, simply g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s.

23 comments:

b. said...

I know where you can get sucked out.

I'd even smuggle you in fo free!

Take care of yourself, please.

sarah k. said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. (Shoot, I forgot the etiquette on "sweetie". Am I allowed?) I hope you lay waste that venomous invader.

compulsive writer said...

Feel better soon. I've only had the flu once and it's a real bugger. (I laugh in the face of anyone still standing who tries to tell me they have the flu. Once you really have it you know.)

And you know I totally feel your pain about the "Don't worry about it" thing. Glad he stepped up.

Take care--

compulsive writer said...

p.s. My favorite way to treat congestion: 10 drops (I usually double it--why bother counting?--of Tabasco in some V-8 juice several times a day.

wendysue said...

Sorry you're down and out with the flu. Isn't it terrible when you loose your voice and realize how much you need it to holler at your kiddos? I HATE that.

Kudos to Other Half for cleaning, if I take too long of a nap it's like WWIII has thrown up in my living room.

CW, that would clean ANYONE out (both ends!!)

Lindsey said...

Oh! Feel better. Mom's aren't supposed to get sick. I'm just waiting to catch the stomach bug my kids had over the weekend...

Fig said...

We're eating flu shot crow around here too. Sorry! Totally bites . . .

but SCORE on the guy cleaning the house bit!

Rynell said...

We've had a series of germ atrocities around our place too. So far, ours are have been fairly short-lived, only to repeat in other mutations/viruses a few days later. I hope you feel better very soon.

The MomBabe said...

ooh, that stinks. Hope you feel better soon!

c jane said...

If you die can I have your turquoise holiday wreath? Just checkin'.

martha corinna said...

I don't think anyone today, will be able to erase the smile those first two paragraphs brought.
I can always count on your blog for a good laugh.

Emily said...

Oh, girl -- I know. The fever, chills, sweats, hacking, the fear of being husbandless with babies at home -- I know it all. I've had the exact same thing all weekend and all I can take is Tylenol. I'd commit a crime for some NyQuil.
Hope you start feeling better real soon.

sara said...

Impressive; even while afflicted you continue to be among the smartest writers I know! Or I mean don't know. Get some sleep.

Mo Jo's Weekly Update said...

Good job to Other Half and here's my remedy for dealing with the flu, try to do everything you don't usually have time for while at home. No, don't do that. Do take lots of long warm baths.

Julie said...

For some reason, my eyes read "The World's TINNiest Violin"....

I'm so sorry you're sick. Kudos to Other Half for kicking things up a notch, and best wishes from me in hopes of a swift recovery. Being sick sucks rocks.

sue-donym said...

I can testify that OH kicked it up a notch.

Feel better so you can kick some butt on you know who.

Monica B. said...

Being sick sucks. You should have OH call for reinforcments to watch the kids.

c jane said...

I love Fergie.

Emily said...

Has anyone else in your house come down with it yet? If not, quarantine yourself while you can.

Azúcar said...

Emily, those little demons gave it to ME.

I think transmission occurred between when El Guille coughed into my face on purpose, and when he coughed in my face accidentally. The two little demons had their flu shots, so although El Guille was sick, the baby was just a little sniffly.

I was moved when El Guille came out of his room one morning crying because his "boca" was broken! I guess when you have no frame of reference, a sore throat really does feel like your mouth is broken. I stopped being moved when he coughed on me. Vile contagion.

Sue said...

Oh yikes. I'm so sorry. Have you been to see the doctor? Because it sounds less fluish and more strepish. You've gotta be careful with strep. I pooh poohed strep once and my kidneys are permanently damaged now from a post-strep complication. Scary stuff. Get thee to a doctor.

Bek said...

Sorry you are sick, that is the worst. We have had varous stuff off and on for the last month or so, but so far nothing has flattened me. Since I just jinxed myself, I am going to go sanitize something.

SO GLAD the OH got the house slicked up for you. That is huge.

Kalli Ko said...

Oh Fergie, come back to me.

I see on my gchat you are still suffering. If I could cook anything remotely acceptable I would offer it up. But I can't. So here's my sympathy instead.