Monday, March 03, 2008

La Vie Cjane

It’s so fun to think that my friend cjane is practically Internet royalty (having already held a Provo royalty crown for years.) Cjane doesn’t participate in memes and she doesn’t tag. Imagine my surprise when she tagged me. I had a feeling, I really thought it through, that this tag is to explain how to live like cjane.

How to Live La Vie Cjane

The absolute first thing you must, must do is to wake up when you want to. And if you are cjane, that means waking up early, unless you don’t want to, in which case you won’t. However, early is preferable, unless it’s not.

Oops! I think you jumped the gun. I said wake up, not get out of bed. Make sure you spend a few minutes breathing deeply and contemplating the day ahead. Make a note of the light, the weather, and if you hear any birds singing. You will need to blog about all that later so make sure the adjectives are already plonking around in your head.

Once you have arisen you should eat breakfast, or not, you know, whatever. Perhaps some reading is in order? Proximo demonstrates:

Cjane doesn't usually read from magazines (as far as I know, she only reads hardcover books with library binding,) but you get the idea.

Next up, out shopping. It's important to go shopping because you never know when you'll need another pair of Crocs. Crocs are so important to cjane that she started her name with "c" as an ode to the nefarious 'foot wear.' By the way, it's OK to feel a little overwhelmed at a big warehouse store, cjane would be.

Wow. That was hard work. Time to reward yourself!

You have to visit at least one Provo institution per day if you are going to live la vie cjane. This time of year, cjane recommends the shamrock sugar cookies.

I'll leave our next adventure up to a multiple choice question:

1. You can't resist your box of donuts and rush back to the step down lounge in your home to knock back a few while surveying your domain.

2. You become distressed with the intensity of your outings and insist to be chauffered back to your doublewide immediately (no donuts.)

3. All those sweets remind you of all the peanut snacks living at Page's house, so you trek north to the happy house on the hill.

4. You ignore several phone calls and resolve to lose your phone forever.

Any of those could happen!

If you haven't had a picture taken of yourself yet today, then that is flat-out the next thing that must occur. No, sorry, no excuses, pictures must be taken.

Time for you to visit your mother. Even if your mom doesn't have a seat on the city council, I bet she is doing other super-important things. This mom is busy loving Proximo up (what else are you supposed to do with him? He can't debate potholes or parking permits.) A little talk of politics, a little reminiscing, a little grounding as your family never lets you get away with anything.

On the way home, you should weigh the pros and cons of cultured dairy products (yes? no? maybe?) Once you've firmly decided that they are in, you should consider changing your mind. Why pigeon-hole yourself?

Record a song for possible future broadcast.

Please tell me that you have some fabulous pillows and a very long couch that you can snuggle into for an end of winter night. The sun is setting on the step down lounge when your love turns the key in the door.

And what happens next in your life of cjane?

Well, that's your own multiple choice.

Tell me how you live like cjane.


Emily said...

You're my hero for this post.

c jane said...

You forgot the part about when I meet my friend Azucar for lunch, you know because she can't be bothered to work a minute longer and she must show SOMEONE her newest oh la la heels.

That is another great part about la vie cjane.

Nice work to Proximo, EG and Abuela in this account. I give it two thumbs up!

Heidi said...

Or you could bemoan the fact that the neighbor's whore dog was the last thought on your beloved dog's mind, when his last thought should have been of YOU!

The Bakers said...

You are a hoot. But of course you knew this! I read back numerous pages laughing and laughing! Rest assured I shall check back frequently...

sue-donym said...

why do you think I quit my job? So I too can live la vie cjane. It is an artform truly hard to master.

Gritty Pretty said...

theoretically i LOVE la vie cjane. but i tired it and it didn't stick. maybe it would have been more authentic if i had a pair of crocs? or more of those adjectives to plunk around in my head.

and i could NEVER do la vie azucar. would need to pop some speed for that.

Azúcar said...

Living La Vida de Azucar is easy: stop sleeping! Do you know how much you can get done when you don’t sleep?

I’ve tried living La Vie Cjane as well; it’s a great place to visit: warm, fuzzy, introspective, but it didn’t stick either (see: my cold, dark heart.)

pflower10 said...

You do La Vie Cjane so well that I bet Cjane herself would be hard pressed to do it any better!

I think tomorrow will bring a Cjane moment for me in the form of a trip to the Provo Bakery......I remember those shamrock cookies..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Fig said...

What happens next? I'd like to say something witty and suggestive (you know, since the lover's key just turned in the door), but honestly, it would be more laying around, a lot of eating, and some attempt at convincing said lover to do the dinner dishes. Unsuccessful convincing.

And that wouldn't be nearly cool enough, so apparently I can't live La Vie CJane neither. I'm good with just reading hers.

Sue said...

You know, I'm not all that familiar with CJane, but based on this post, and the fact that she hates the phone too? TOTALLY BLOGLINED. (Yes, I'm quite sure she is weeping with joy.)

You ah so clevah, mah deah.

Katie said...

mmmm...are you cjane's twin?? Because it looks like it in the picture.

Cafe Johnsonia said...

Loved this.

Rynell said...

I feel like I've just been on an educational field trip echoing the lyrics "living la vida loca.." in the background.

I live like cjane by not pigeon holing myself. Really, I can be for and against the same thing.

Geo said...

The crocs. Of course, that's why it's not working for me yet. THE CROCS.

And I think it will help to c jane me if I convince my Rhub to take me to Café Rio.

Brooke said...

you are officially my hero. that was the hardest i've laughed out loud at a blog post in quite some time.

it was perfect. perfect. except for leaving out the part of her friend, azucar, making her apple strudel...

lucky cjane.