Thursday, March 13, 2008

This is All Just a Little Too Much for Me

I am a complete ‘fraidy cat. I can’t help it. I have an overactive imagination that horribilizes everything. I’ve been scared of the dark since I can remember, that is until my first kid was born. One night, as I prowled the house in the wee hours, I realized that my home is not scary and that now that I have a child, I pretty much have to be the adult. By extension that meant I could no longer be scared of the dark (mostly.)

Scary movies, songs, books, TV or radio shows are all still too much for me. The X-Files was about as creepy as I could get. These days Medium is as creepy as I can get. I think I really like Medium (it helps that Medium has new episodes.) The only thing about Medium is that, well, the theme song is really scary. The rest of the show is interesting and fun to watch. I particularly like the relationship between Alison and her husband. The theme song freaks the crap out of me. The insistent strings and some weird percussive accents don’t do my imagination any favors.

Tonight I had my most expensive recipe book/movie and TV show player/laptop in the kitchen while I fixed myself a snack. I clicked the icon to start streaming the latest episode of Medium while I cut a piece of bread. The commercial started right away; I hummed along with the Beatles/Target theme song. I was coring a pear when the Medium theme song started. It creeped me out, especially since I was the only one awake. As soon as the theme song stopped, the Beatles/Target theme played, again. “Huh,” I thought, but I was happy to hum along, again, “You say goodbye/buy, I say hello…”

Then the Medium theme song restarted. I nervously put a glass of water into the micro. Just as quickly the Target song played “Hello, hello, hello…”

“DA duh duh duh”

“I say hello, hello, hello”

“DA duh duh duh”

Every time one song finished, the other would start in its place, never advancing to the actual show. I would be assured and pacified with one; my blood pressure would rise and heart palpitations start with the other.

My friends, it was epic. The forces of good (Target) battled the forces of evil (overly-scary theme music) in my kitchen tonight. Oh, and the forces of streaming stuff online, wireless routers, and old laptops. I guess it was more of a melee than a black and white battle.

At some point (when I’d mixed the Pero into the water) I gave up and moved to the living room. Time to leave the scaries in the kitchen where they belong (Amy.) I turned on Medium from the DVR and assumed my regular defense of scary position: curled up in a chair, a phone, a cell phone, a laptop, an iPod, and a big blanket. All the better to…ward off a Luddite? You’re right, I probably DO need a transistor radio as well.

Then again, did you see White Noise? Maybe a radio isn’t such a good idea.


Cafe Johnsonia said...

One Halloween, when I was 14, The Shining was on network television--meaning it wasn't as gory as it could have been. I still can't look at Jack Nicholson, watch a certain part in Twister, or hear the words "red rum" without my heart starting to beat out of my chest.

I can't watch Medium. I can't watch anything that is remotely scary. Did I see Sixth Sense? No. I haven't seen one scary movie since that Halloween.

And it still freaks me out to get up in the middle of the night with my kids. I'm the one turning on the lights because I'm scared. I even wake Fred up when I have a scary dream. I can't fall asleep unless there's another person in the same room or almost the same room.

Don't even get me started on potentially haunted houses or the paranormal. Or camping. Or driving down a dark road in a clunky, old car--with corn fields on both sides.

Tori :) said...

I totally like jumpy scary movies. Ghost Hunters is one of my fave shows, but I couldn't even finish White Noise. If the movie gives me a totally eerie 'this isn't right' feeling I have to turn it off.

Azúcar said...

I've never seen White Noise. I just know enough about it to make the reference, haha.

NO WAY would I ever see it, too much for me.

Amy said...

I'd like to focus on your point that Target=forces of good. I spend embarrassingly many hours and ridiculous chunks of my budget there. Now I realize it's all in an attempt to further the forces of good.

wendysue said...

I'm a total "freak-myself-outer". One night Matt and the kids were all asleep and I see that "Signs" is on. You know that creepy Mel Gibson flick. Why on earth did I choose to watch a scary M. Night Shamalama (I know that's not his real name) in the pitch black living room?

I could hardly move. I didn't even want to move the 5 feet to turn on the light. I seriously considered yelling for Matt to wake up and "come and get me!". I finally mustered the courage to run to the hall to turn all the lights on before I could turn the tv off. Ugh. Big scaredy cat. I HATE having the be the adult.

I'll have to try "Medium", I'll just make sure to tune in 5 minutes late.

kristenlibrarian said...

When I was a wee lass the theme song from "The Twilight Zone" would make me cry. I'd beg my parents to turn it off. They would laugh. Meanies.

Rynell said...

I like Medium until she starts seeing murderers. Then I freak.

citymama1 said...

Ha. I have an overactive imagination, but only when my husbands out of town, then all sorts of spooks come out.

The only thing about Medium that creeps me out is her husband. I must have seen him in another movie where he was the bad guy, because I keep expecting him to be the murderer or ghost or rapist or whoever it is she's looking for. He's creepy.

Speaking of creepy, have you seen "Real Housewives of New York"? Now that is frightening.

Heidi said...

I once actually said to my husband (before we were married, surprisingly), "You know Star Trek: The Next Generation is about as scary as I can stand." Which is kind of weird because I don't watch Star Trek.

c jane said...

Maybe your micro is possessed?

April said...

I *adore* the idea of really scary movies. Then I go to watch them and I'm such a wuss! I always jump at the really obvious parts, like cats jumping out or a door slamming. Yet I torture myself every time.

There have been some mega creepy moments on "Ghost Hunters," but I tune in each week!

kiki said...

I like a good freak-out as much as the next person, but I've gotten to the point where I can't watch scary stuff anymore, especially since I live alone. The other night, I had a friend over, and we were watching TV. The movie trailer for some scary, Sam Raimi-looking movie came on, and I immediately had to mute the TV and look away. It has come to that. Triple had to tell me when I could look again.

Mo Jo's Weekly Update said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~j. said...

Just one more reason why I hate computers.

mo jo's weekly update said...

Wow. Did the Fraidy Cat virus hit your home twenty years ago?

Marilyn said...

I don't do scary either. If I watch a scary movie, then for the next week, every time I step foot outside at night, I am looking over my shoulder for the boogieman. Creepy.

Michelle said...

Hilarious! For me it's a thin line between love and hate concerning your scary episode. I'm mesmerized by the the scary but dislike it's effects when something truly is scary. I still can't shake 28 weeks later!

Azúcar said...

I watched 28 Days Later at Sundance a few years ago. I had to drive back alone down the canyon at 2am. Not only that, Other Half was sick and wanted me to stop the car, get out, go to the store to get him some cold meds. The thought of getting out of my car and going into the store completely terrified me. I SWORE I could hear the zombies running to get me. I had to talk myself into getting out of the car. You should have seen me sprint from the car to our house door.

Mandee said...

I love Medium, too. And I also snuggle up with the same stuff. And I am still really, really upset that Journeyman got canceled. Can't you do something about that?

Jill said...

I like Medium also, but I never get to see it because I never remember that it's on until about the time it's finishing.

Have you seen "I am legend"?


We saw it in December, and although I thought the film was very well done, I'm still having flashbacks of the flesh-eating, albino mutants.
I get really freaked out when I need to go to my garage at night.
In the dark.
Because that's where all the flesh- eating, albino mutants are hiding.

Azúcar said...

I saw I am Legend and guess what...didn't scare me one bit. I saw 28 Days Later. Compared to that, I am Legend was like watching Blue's Clues. Those CGI zombies had nothing on 28 Days.

We're upset Journeyman got canceled, too. It was just getting really good, wasn't it? The writer's strike was just awful for so many reasons.

Michelle said...

I did see 28 Days Later and found that it had more story than it's sequel. 28 weeks later was terrifying. Both very scary and I still get freaked out at night sometimes when I'm walking from the car. I can't believe you had to drive home alone that night! I would have booked a room somewhere and left the light on all night!

Laquina said...

It definitely runs in the family. I once spent an entire night awake while camping with dad and then boyfriend M. They made me stay in a single tent and I just knew that a bear or cougar was circling my tent all night long. Then I was convinced it was a murdered circling me as I heard the crunching outside my tent ALL night long. Finally in the morning as the sun was warming the tent up and I had not sleep for one minute I realized the crunching footsteps sound was actually my own eye lashes scraping against my nylon sleeping bag. I was NOT happy.

Sue said...

STOP STOP STOP! I'm all freaked out now and my husband is out of town. My children are with him! I'm here by myself.

Hold me!