jetsetgreen

Monday, May 26, 2008

Mo Cuishle

I saw the movie Million Dollar Baby several years ago and was quite inspired. I fell in love with boxing! Pretty soon, I had signed up at a gym and started training here and there. I love the feeling of punching the bag, getting out all my aggression, and strengthening my body. My trainer always tried to get me to sign up for matches, but it was never about beating anyone; it was about connecting with a primal part of me. Last week, I decided to give it a shot, why not?

And this is what I ended up with...

Well, it was either a boxing match or I had food poisoning and was rushing for the toilet in the morning, while wearing my glasses, and pushed the lid not quite far enough so that it fell on my glasses, cutting my nose and giving me a world-class bruise. ‘Cause let me tell you, vomiting into a bowl is not as awesome as vomiting AND bleeding into a bowl.

“Great,” I thought while heaving, “Food poisoning and breaking my nose. I am accomplished.”

It’s not broken, but the nose sure looks fantastic.


Just for fun, Other Half and I have come up with mismatched stories. When someone asks us what happened we say at the same time:

“Oh I’m so clumsy, I fell into a doorway.”

“We got into a car accident; she hit the dash.”

Good times.


Saturday morning, right after I sent El Guille to his room for a time out, I heard a bang and then the baby shrieking the horrific pain cry. I ran and found Proximo with a massive, massive, gigantic purple goose-egg with dent, on his forehead. I had to remain calm to interrogate El Guille. Do you know how hard it is to remain calm when all you want to do is scream to high heavens? Apparently, El Guille, tired of his brother, decided to get on top of his bed, and throw a three pound FREE WEIGHT onto the baby. I just can’t…


We went to the doctor and the baby did not have a skull fracture and did not appear to have a concussion, especially since he didn’t lose consciousness. The doctor described that a skull fracture is “mushy,” and then stuck his tongue out and shook with the heebie-jeebies.


You guys, a free weight.


The sad thing is that the baby still follows El Guille around all day, trying to do what he does. I think Proximo has Stockholm Syndrome.

Me with my nose, and the baby with his bruised noggin, people are going to start asking questions.

29 comments:

Jill said...

A free weight?

Wow.

Ouch!

My son used to throw trophies at my daughter. If we had any free weights, I'm pretty sure he would have used those instead.

Shar said...

Ouch. Probably the most sensitive part of the nose is right where you hit.

I love the mismatched stories. It made me chuckle.

Sadly, I probably will fall into a doorknob sooner or later, and have to tell people I fell down the stairs so I don't look dumb. (Except I don't have stairs. Hmm...)

Poor little baby. Kids are so tough. Glad he's okay. The mushy skull fracture thing almost made me throw up in my mouth.

fijiangirl said...

Can we say CPS? A free weight? wow! I am glad he is o.k. I love the mis match stories, that is too funny!

La Yen said...

How about "I'm so clumsy, I fell into the baby"

Stockholm syndrome makes me smile.

Julie said...

Ouch! Noses are soooo sensitive. (Love the dual stories, though. I'm never quite that clever.)

Poor Proximo! I've seen those goose-eggs-with-dents on my boys before, and they scare the crap out of me. No skull fractures yet, but the sight alone is enough to give me a heart attack. I'm glad he's okay.

kiki said...

Where's the "Charlie bit me" type youtube video for this? Actually, "Guille dropped a 3 pound free weight on me" is probably only charming if said in a British accent. So...I guess it's good we don't have that video.

This made me laugh, and then it made my face hurt.

citymama1 said...

Holy Shnikes! A free weight sounds painful...as does the toilet bowl.

Glad the two of you are ok!

Ah Britty said...

Pooooor Proximo! Can I relate? Oh yes, I can. Brady has been beating on Lucy since she was born, and he's FINALLY getting a bit of a conscience, but Lucy still follows him around even though he terrorizes her constantly. Those poor babies. I'm glad he's OK. Our boys are a lot like either Curious George or Dennis the Menace...it depends on the day.

Mrs. Dub said...

But seriously ... are things OK over there?

Fig said...

Punching the bag is my most favorite form of exercise, and I'm really good at it . . . but I have no sweet battle scars to show for it.

Nose looks good!

Rynell said...

Never a dull moment at your house! Here's to speedy healing...

Kalli Ko said...

you look hot, crap happens, one day proximo will fight back and then guille will rue the free weight incident...

TOWR said...

I'm so glad I don't have children... Little dogs can't even pick up free weights let alone throw them on each other. Little dogs: 1; Children: 0.

sara said...

Umm, yowsa!

i i eee said...

The pain!

I really believed at first that you had taken up boxing. You would kick butt, my friend. I don't doubt it. Although you'll have to watch out for those toilets and their fierce uppercuts.

Lisa said...

People are going to start asking YOUR HUSBAND questions. You'd better keep your stories straight!

janaya said...

you know how there are like a million really entertaining people on the blogosphere? well, i have a tough time keeping track of everyone, and then you post a comment on my blog and i check you out again and i remember "oh ya! she's seriously hilarious." i'm officially adding you to my google reader. :) and seriously... my brain cannot comprehend the free weight thing. i think a free weight would crush my own head. AND i'm watching million dollar baby as i type... it's the sad part. :( how do i love this movie and hate this movie at the same time?

kristib said...

I'm so glad you guys are both ok but I have so many questions. Where did you pick up food poisoning? How did you deal with El Guille? What exactly is the punishment for free weight flinging? I'm asking of course because I have my own 4- and 1-year old brothers and sadly, I can imagine this scenario at my house. I just have NO idea what I would do.....

AzĂșcar said...

The food poisoning question could be from one of two restaurants I ate at plus some leftovers from the fridge.

I didn't do much dealing with Guille. I explained that he was to sit on his bed until further notice and then I went and woke up Other Half.

I tended to the baby, called the doctor, and took the baby to the office. Other Half informed El Guille that his new police car from Grandmas was henceforth the baby's toy. El Guille got to stay in his room AND on his bed for two hours, with periodic visits from dad. At the end of two hours, Other Half helped El Guille write an 'I'm Sorry' card that he gave to the baby. He was on restrictions for the rest of the day.

b. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
b. said...

Let me try that again:
I loved that movie.
I was going to ask if I could come watch you fight.....kinda bummed it was just the toilet.

The boys scenario sounds familiar only I would have walked in on middle son adding insult to injury by covering sister's mouth to "shush" the crying...repeating to her: "No cry, no cry....I put a bandaid on it, you be ok. No cry. Shhhshhh, mommy coming."

Poor baby.

Sue said...

Well, at least you have it in writing. You know, if there are QUESTIONS later. Poor Proximo. Poor Azucar, for that matter. Are you feeling better?

ACK, the things kids do to each other. When I was 9 I sprayed my little brother with Mace. He's only just now starting to talk to me again.

ClistyB said...

sooooo, you expected something different from the child called El Guille?

April said...

Ummm, you haven't let El Guille watch "The Good Son," have you? I wouldn't even let him watch "Home Alone." In fact, ban Macauley Calkin from your home forever!

sue-donym said...

Please don't bite your tongue off. ok?

La Yen said...

Last night I racked my forehead on the dresser and I have a big bruise and lump. And my first thought was "Now Azucar and I can be sister-wives!"

Molly said...

That's the sort of stuff that's been going down at our place. Only our itty bitty ended up with stitches. And it wasn't sibling inflicted, this time.

Geo said...

A free weight? WHOA there, kid.

Lock up your cast iron Dutch ovens before it's too late. And please, be safe!

Rachel said...

that is one of those moments when i want to pick up the free weight and knock the other kid on the head . . . but luckily I hold myself back. argh!