Dear Provo City,
You know I love you, we go way back. Every year we love going to the Grand Parade on the 4th of July. It's great fun for the kids and for watching the crowds.
This year, however, I'm not happy.
You see, you made it so that you can't stake a claim to a space before 3pm the day before in some areas, and before 5am on the day of in others. OK, OK, fair enough. However, you also made a rule that you have to have a PERSON with your stuff at all times. That means that if I set something out at 3:01pm or 5:14am, someone has to be with it. You've met my husband, he'd rather stick a fork in his eye than leave the house, let alone sleep outside.
Look, I'm a mom with two young kids. How, by the hammer of Thor, am I supposed to get a space on the parade route? I don't know anyone who can stay out all night and I'm not about to haul the kids down to the route by 5 am. Even getting there at 7 am with little people is absurd. Do I have to pay a college student to camp out all night? REALLY?
What, exactly am I left to do? My four year old can't see over the heads of people if the usual 7 person deep crowds are attending--and they most certainly will be that deep if we don't get there by 7am. The premium bleachers don't work for babies; I'm sure I'll get arrested when Proximo plunges to his death between the risers. Also, I have breasts, which make seats without backs TORTURE. Bleacher seating is outlawed by the Geneva Convention. Look it up.
Why, why can't I just get a little spot with a couple chairs that isn't in Payson and is on Center Street? Why can't I just leave it for a couple hours unattended?
Maybe we should break up.
(Please don't leave me this way.)
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Dear Provo City,