jetsetgreen

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

In This Day and Age?

My hairstylist, let's call him Patrick (because that's his name) doesn't have an email address. He considers this a source of pride. I consider that, and the fact that the salon he works for doesn't have a website, an absurdity. I hate that I have to call them on the phone to make an appointment, like it's 1975 or something. I should be able to log onto the salon's site and pick a time, not hope that Ma Bell gosh-durned remembered to hang up the other end of the party line.

Don't worry, I teased Patrick unmercifully. As the shampoo girl expressed her awe at his refusal to join modern life, I snidely remarked that not having email, or even purposefully avoiding the Internet, was hopelessly stupid. How does he do his banking? He mails a check. A what? How does he Google something? He doesn't. (How is that even possible? I mean, he can’t even Google himself or his exs? That’s insanity.) The whole experience was utterly unnerving.

Then I heard about other celebrities (other than local hair stars) that are equally resistant to our brave new world. Vince Vaughn refuses to get a cell phone, he’ll borrow from a friend if he needs to use one immediately. OK, I hate that; it’s one thing to not get a cell phone, but to rely on your friend’s phones because you can’t be bothered is annoying. If he were my friend, Vaughn had better be paying for not only all the dinners but all the cocaine as well, or I’d be sending him my T-Mobile bill for reimbursement.

I think there is a clear age divide, of course. I can see how Emma Thompson refuses to use anything other than a pen (she’s 49) but Orlando Bloom refusing to own a computer? What a turd. Larry King has never searched for anything online. I think if you were around for the Panic of 1837, you’re exempt from using the Internet.

President Bush doesn’t use email for fear of it being subpoenaed. Why stress, Georgie? It’s not like you’ve ever done anything that could cause a subpoenae to be issued!

So, to Patrick I say, Tom Cruise also refuses to get an email address. Your judgment is in line with SeñorCruise, how do you feel about that? I guess I'll have to take pen to paper to get that question answered.

32 comments:

i i eee said...

If I could get away with not having a cell phone, I would kiss it goodbye. But I must text message! And, for example, when I got off the light rail in Portland this last weekend and got a little lost, I didn't have to ask a stranger for directions. I called my dad to mapquest me!

But the Internet. The Internet is different. I am a complete cyborg when it comes to the Internet. People that don't use the Internet are going to be quite lost when in 20 or so years we're able to upload Google directly into our brains via nanotechnology.

sara said...

Well said. Even my two grandma's, ages 79 and 83, have each gotten a laptop & email address in the past few years. They put it off as long as they could but eventually came around, once they realized that the internet wasn't just a fad. For youngsters, why on earth would you stubbornly refuse technological advances that can only improve your life? I wonder if Orlando Bloom prefers to ride around in a horse-drawn carriage. Nitwit.

i i eee said...

I wonder if it's a literacy problem. I mean, wouldn't a hot whippersnapper like Orlando Bloom at least be giving into the evils of Internet porn? I guess if his real life plays out like that already he wouldn't need it artificially. Still.

Crawfords said...

I believe email is a must, which somewhat necessitates the Internet, however, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to have it at home. I'm on the Internet all day long at work, I don't need it at home too. Angie's okay without it, thus we haven't had the Internet at home for about 5 years now.

As for cell phones. I hate them. Hate everything about them. I've never had one, and hope that I never will. Plain and simple, if I'm not home, leave me a message. I might call you back, I might not. That's all there is to it.

Azúcar said...

Yeah, but Jason, you're far from a Luddite, you use a computer all day long (not to mention email and social networking.)

I'm OK with people opting out of some pieces of technology, but whole-heartedly rejecting anything past 1980 is a little ridiculous. It's not an all or nothing proposition. I can understand why people wouldn't want a cell phone, but I simply turn mine off or don't answer it if I don't want to deal with it, but when those same people want to borrow your phone? *angry grimace*

Emily said...

I'm lost without the internet. I'll probably never figure out how to text message quickly.

Vince Vaughn reminds me of CK.

Michelle said...

I have to admit- I used to be one of these people, and I still don't have a cell phone!!!!! But I never had to borrow a friends. I actually used to have a race with my husband to see who could find an address and phone # for a store- I usually won, but I can't imagine doing that anymore.

Rachel said...

I think people refuse to get with the times for one of two reasons: fear; and just plain turdishness--people who refuse to get into something cool just because everybody else likes it. I want to punch those people in the mouth.

It's to their own detriment that they're not online--they can't see what other people are saying about them, the fools.

Rachel said...

iieee, ahem. You called your **dad** to Mapquest for you? **raises eyebrow snottily**

La Yen said...

I was just complaining to myself about that. It is the same people who are all "absynthe? Of course!" and would kill for their lives to be a little more Who's-Afraid-of-Virginia-Woolfe-cocktail-party-esque. And for the celebs? Well, the nannies, the drivers, the assistants, secretaries, and the agents all have phones and follow around after them, so that lets them continue to live in their bubble.

i i eee said...

Yes, Rachel, you mapquested me first. But then I needed more help, and I had to call my parents anyway to let them know I had landed safely.

But I thought of you first!

compulsive writer said...

My very favorite sound byte of the entire presidential campaign has been this: "John McCain is aware of the Internet."

That said, while I was AWOL for most of last week a part of me decided she could be perfectly happy out in the boonies and completely disconnected.

But if you're running a business? Get a website. Seriously!

Mrs. Dub said...

when i was a missionary, i had the special opportunity (code for = terrible luck) of being the mission office secretary with my two 65-year-old widowed companions. one of them would beg for me to get off the computer so she could try her hand at email. "just use the typewriter to write that report," she would tell me. (i made excel spreadsheets.)

i'll give her a point for braving the email-sphere, but seriously, get with it!

Sue said...

Amen. When people tell me they don't have "an email" I am stupefied. How do you not have email?

And without the internet - how do they find stuff? How do they get directions? How do they get jobs? It mystifies me, truly.

She who lacks volume said...

Yeah, and they don't do perms at that salon either. What's up with that?

lj said...

last time patrick cut my hair, he informed me that he doesn't watch t.v.! i mean, what is life without sytycd and project runway? empty. that's what.

Kalli Ko said...

listen, even my dad knows how to text message and he's a 68 year old red-neck for pity's sake. The internet is a whole different story. I feel like he'd be more open to it if his fingers didn't hit 4 keys at a time, because he has bear paws for hands.

i digress

personally I feel naked without my celly and internet service, like I can't function without the ability to google any random question I may have about the universe.

I do believe that cell phone etiquette needs to be a nationally revisited issue. Because people, it's not polite to talk loudly on your damn phone when going through the checkout line at Target. Once piece of technology I could do without: bluetooth headsets. I hate them. I always think someone is talking to me then I talk back and they point to their ear and give me a look of disgust. Then I flip them off with my mind.

b. said...

they don't do perms there?
really?

adria said...

I know a couple people like that. I wonder what it is they're trying to prove, and to whom?

I'd love to know about the perms, too.

April said...

ok, braggin about it is one thing... I can't stand that. Then there are those who can't afford the stuff. (Couple of people I know) and there aren't any payphones around anymore... so squash that!!!

Braggin = turdy
poor = not so much

Azúcar said...

No, they do not do perms. They are way too chic to do perms (in their own estimation.)

compulsive writer said...

I went there once a long time ago. I may have even gone to Patrick--at least that's what I recall.

It was divine. And so much nicer than my neighbor's basement salon I frequent (those of you who know me know I use that term loosely) now.

ClistyB said...

Hair-folks LOVE to use that big notebook and a pencil for their appointments, don't they?
But your place has a shampoo-er? They aren't totally lost.

I LOVE to sit in a movie and IMDB the characters to find out where I have seen them before. That's worth the cost of the iPhone alone.

c jane said...

Patrick is my hero.

His life is probably wonderfully uncomplicated.

April said...

It's bizarre what some people are so proud of. I mean, I refuse to drink coffee, but I don't go around with a puffed-out chest bragging about it. I can see not having a cell phone because they think it's an unnecessary expense. But no Internet?? No TV?? How boring!

The Bakers said...

I am pretty darn sure I go to the same salon. I had a long talk with the Salon Owner about this very subject. He said he hasn't been able to find anyone who can build him a website with his vision, so I recommended a particularly special company named after a carbonated beverage. He said he wants someone to feel, after looking at the website, that they've already been there when they walk in the salon. So we'll see how that goes...

kiki said...

My dad just told me a little over an hour ago to go to a Williams-Sonoma, get a CATALOG, and flip through it to see if there's anything I want for Christmas. I chuckled, and said, "Yeah, Crazy! I'll do that! Join the age of computers, Dad!" My dad thinks that everyone spends hours on the toilet flipping through catalogs like he does. There are piles of catalogs in his bathroom. I'm not kidding. About the piles or the hours.

Likely said...

But Patrick has magic hands. Why waste them punching keys? I used to tip him separately when he used to be Shep's peon shampoo boy. That boy can give head massage.

I am salivating thinking about it.

Too bad that he cuts hair now....and has his own shampoo chick. Is she any good?

Is Shep charging like $100 for a trim nowadays or what?

Likely said...

woops, was I supposed to not say his name? You can delete my comment if that isn't okay.

Olivia said...

i'm sick of dudes like patrick trying so hard to be cool. patrick is a dork he should admit it and do dork things like get an email account and sufr the interweb. he isn't fooling anyone. you can tell him i said that.

Olivia said...

that had a lot of typos and came off sounding mean. i just meant: sheesh, patrick, stop fighting it.

Jiles Pfamily said...

email me the details of your place erin.jiles@gmail.com