A little while ago, I had a project for work that I had to finish and not a lot of time to complete it. I knew that I'd be up late writing some documentation and that I would need help staying awake. I dropped by the store to pick up some bread and decided that I didn't want a soda to keep me awake. I did, however, want some ice cream. And that's how I walked out of Smith's with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. Two birds, people.
I enjoyed a couple spoonfuls and put it back in the freezer, then chatted with Sue, looked up the meaning of some words, wondered if the shirt I wanted went on sale, that reminded me of that one pair of shoes....PROJECT. What is wrong with me? Focus! I knew I'd pay the price the next morning if I didn't buckle down. It's bad enough to artificially keep yourself awake without actually doing what you're supposed to be doing. I finished in the wee hours and crashed.
The next morning I was greeted by El Guille jumping on my bed. Blerg, I felt like I was swimming through water. Jump! Jump! Jump! He was bouncing all over me. "Get up mama! Get up! I want some breakfast and toast and to watch a show on TV and I want two shows and can I? Can I? CAN I? WAKE UP!"
El Guille started to run around in circles, through the kitchen, into the living room, hallway, around and around. "AND I want some TOAST and some COCOA," he shrieked."I am never doing this again," I thought. Then I had to stop thinking actual thoughts and just concentrate on moving my hand to stir the kid's cocoa.
El Guille said something to me and I tried to process his words, "And then can I? Can I? Can I PLEASE?" I mumbled something unintelligible about needing my glasses so I could do something (Butter toast? Find remote? Remember my own name?)
The empty carton of ice cream on the kitchen table.
The empty carton of CAFFEINE ice cream on the table.
All of a sudden, it made sense to me. I'm not moving too slow, El Guille is moving at the speed of light. He had gotten up, opened the freezer, and decided that ice cream could be breakfast, caffeine ice cream. He's become a photon. A photon that talks faster than Janet.
OK, universe! I get it.
Caffeine ice cream is bad. The bad caffeine ice cream drugged my child. I drugged my child. He didn't even make it to public school before I hopped him up on something or other.
Is that egg?
No, just object lesson all over my face.