jetsetgreen

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

One More Clip Ought to Do it

I know it’s popular to cheer for the underdogs at the Olympics and much of my participation over the years falls right in line with the Olympic spirit. Not this year. It’s not that I’m simply cheering for the USA, the underdog, or for the last competitor to finish the race; it’s that I’m actively jeering other competitors.
There’s something about the Chinese women’s gymnastics team that just brings out my gym-nasties.

Maybe it’s that they’ve sent toddlers to do the job of teenagers, maybe it’s that they’re wearing a hair clip for every person in China, but I cannot countenance it.

“Fall, fall, fall!” I chanted at the TV during every the individual event. I know that one shouldn’t abuse the power of The Secret, but I did. And then the Polly Pockets did fall. Ha. You suck at the balance beam! All that training, those years (all two of them) when you were ripped away from your family, and now you have failed your country. That’s what you get when Mrs. Xian’s fourth grade class is your national gymnastics team.

I felt a little bad when the one miniature gymnast let a tear roll down her cheek, but what’s done is done, I let the energy out in the universe and she paid the price. Someone hand her a pacifier.

It all came back to me (thanks, The Secret!) when my very own toddler informed me, “Oh no, when you put me to bed it was just a NAP and even though it’s 1am it’s time to play!” He insisted it was time to rock ‘n roll again at 2, and then from 3 to 4:30am. El Guille, the preschooler, decided to pick a fight with me because he also wanted to sleep in our bed. Uh-uh, I could see that train coming a mile away. We’re all in the queen size bed. The baby decides he wants to play, El Guille decides since the baby is playing he can start playing too, I’m trying to keep everyone quiet while trying to sleep (impossible?) and my spouse decides to smother us all because he has to wake up in just three hours to teach the Future of America.

The giant amount of sleep that I got results in this type of action: I’m looking around my desk, trying to find where I put my phone, while I’m ON A PHONE CALL.

Overall Results:
Degree of Difficulty yelling at the Chinese Gymnasts: 7.5
Execution: 9.00
(Highest possible score: 16.5)
Deductions--Toddler in play mode, preschooler in beg/whine mode, amount of sleep, required ounces of caffeine to function, equals total score:

14.80

Ouch.

23 comments:

Jen said...

I also wondered, how did they all know the scrunchie was "in" this year?? The color coordinating clips were a nice touch, too.

ClistyB said...

yes, Goody is lovin' all that free advertising, dontcha think?!
Us? The kids and their daddio have had a blast with the name....Anton Fokin.

Sherry said...

I was beginning to think that I was nit-picking when I pointed out those obnoxious clips to my husband and he didn't seem bother by them at all. I feel justified.

Also, I find myself actively cheering against China in every event. My two favorite teams are America and whoever is playing against China.

Shar said...

I found myself also waiting for people to fall this year. And then I'd replay it seven times when they did.

I love that you were looking for your phone while you were on it. It made me laugh. Like when I am looking for my toothbrush and I'm holding it. Or my sunglasses and they're on my head.

Kalli Ko said...

the hairclips... oh the hairclips!

and why on earth can't the romanian and russian gymnasts figure out the whole make-up thing? Trainwreck.

I've had a vendetta against China these entire games too so don't feel bad.

And I would have given you at least a 15.25

fijiangirl said...

I was doing the same thing cheering against the Chinese. I wouldn't dare to count how many times I chanted fall.
Personally I am ashamed of the IOC for not launching an investigation into the ages of those babies on the women's team. Especially with so many conflicting stories from the Chinese government controlled newspapers of the girl’s actual ages. 9 months ago a girl was 13 and all of the sudden she is 16. Is there a new form of math in China? Could your hubby the math genius shed some light on the rapid age process over there?

nevadanista said...

I really loved the light blue hooker eye shadow clashing with those horrid red and gold leotards, accented with 25 pink hair clips.

Marge Bjork said...

we should have seen the little clips coming when they had those weird cowgirls in white baseball caps during the opening ceremonies.

The Bakers said...

Funniest post hands down. Holy cow. We, too, jeered. And yelled Fall! Fall! And it was not because we thought they did not train hard or that their families were threatened with their lives, it was that they were CHEATERS. No other country would be allowed to have such blatant cheating and yet, despite their efforts to put on a good face, they cheated. Hard and Fast.

kiki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kiki said...

I said it the other night, and I'll continue to say it: just because the clips come 30 to a pack, it doesn't mean you have to wear every one of them at once!

I also cheered and jeered when the Chinese tots messed up, but I feel bad for them. They can't help that they were born where they were. I am heart-broken every time I see a tear roll down their baby fat-filled cheeks. And when that one ate beam last night, I felt ruptured-spleen sympathy pains.

The Chinese government is effed!

camillion said...

I giggle every time I see a gymnast eat it on the high bar. It's a cacphonic blend of the TWANG! of the bar and the WHAP! of their belly hitting the mat. Sheer glee.

Azúcar said...

Oh, and all those guys biting it big time on the high bar last night? You feel bad, you feel their embarrassment, and then you have to laugh.

kiki said...

I'm still cringing from the Japanese gymnast who flew from the still rings during the all-around competition and crumpled like beer can against a frat boy's forehead. The pain...

Azúcar said...

And then you laughed. You're an awful person.

kiki said...

Yeah...it was pretty spectacular. I was fascinated by every replay of it.

morganmoore said...

gym-nasties. Are those like pasties?

Azúcar said...

The pie or the...accessory?

Rachel said...

you crack me up! i type as i polish off my 44 oz diet pepsi. it's been one of those days for me, too.

Morgan said...

the accessory of course.

Sheri said...

Oh goodness...you are hilarious.

Thanks, I needed that.

Sue said...

Heh heh heh

I hate the Olympics. Snore.

jeri said...

That was totally awesome.