I hit my zenith on Friday morning when I made the from-scratch candy cane cupcakes for El Guille's birthday at preschool. At 8:49, as the last candy cane slid into the cake, I gave up. No more.
It only took me two dozen months, but I'm joining Oh, Judy on her quest to lower the bar and be awesome.
This morning for breakfast the kids ate candy canes, some flat Sprite they found in the fridge, caramels, and dry Honey Nut Cheerios.
Instead of nutritious peeled apples, cheese crackers, or dried cranberries to buy their silence in church services, I doled out chocolate. You know what? They were just as bad as they always are, only WAY more quiet when I threatened to take the chocolates out of their mouths if they budged off the pew.
Yes, I even gave the toddler chocolate. I felt a little pang of guilt as I crammed a raspberry chocolate ball into his mouth, but sucking on that thing was the only thing that would shut him up. Don't get me started on the look the guy in front of me shoot us after Proximo made a resounding bang on the pew in front of us--with his head.
In full knowledge that my mother-in-law was coming to my house, I only cleaned the front half. I did not touch my bedroom. Well, that's not true, I made it worse by shoving all the things I couldn't figure out where to put from the kitchen/living into the bedroom. I even let the mother-in-law take us to Olive Garden and I didn't make a peep (about the wretched breadsticks, boring salad, or mushy pasta.) No, I gave up. Go ahead, let's order the "lasagna."
I bought a whole bunch of presents for friends that are not going to get mailed out before Christmas. Hey, they're purchased, they're just sitting on a shelf waiting until I get past this week of madness.
The tree. I quit.
I pasted a piece of paper to a card instead of hand-lettering it. I bet no one will notice. OK, let me change that, I bet everyone will notice, but they won't care.
So instead of getting working up and in a total panic because I have in-laws in town, sister's birthday, El Guille's birthday, work, wedding, sewing my dress, a hand-painted fondant wedding cake complete with spun sugar nest, flowers, presents to wrap, Christmas to pull off, and a household to keep running, I am raising the white flag.
And taking a deep breath...