Monday, December 15, 2008

The Only Thing Worse Than a Smug Married Couple...

What is your husband’s name?

I am contractually obligated by a non-disclosure agreement to never reveal this information.

How long did you date? Long enough to make everyone we know nervous.

How old is he? Older than me—HA!

Who eats sweets? What, seriously?

Who said I love you first? I have no idea. I don’t remember trivial things like that. Now, if you want me to compete in a Seinfeld quiz, you got it!

Who is taller? Do you honestly believe I’d marry ANYONE with whom I could not wear heels?

Who can sing better? He sings bass and I sing alto. I refuse to turn that into a question of value.

Who is smarter? I like to say that we’re smarter at different things. For example, I can dress myself in the morning and not look like a complete dork. He is planning world domination, so, toss up.

Who does the laundry? He complains that the feel of the fabrics are too irritating to his delicate constitution (that is not a joke.)

Who pays the bills? Is this some sort of post-modern judgment on the equality of our genders? Because I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Look, I could sleep anywhere, but Princess Pea over there gets disoriented if he’s not on the left.

Who mows the lawn? What, are you insane? We live in a loft so that neither of us has to deign to ‘mow the lawn.’ The very idea…

Who cooks dinner? This quiz is tiresome.

Who drives? We both drive, this ain’t Riyadh, Omar.

Who is the first to admit they are wrong? Neither of us is ever wrong.

Who kissed who first? I don’t remember; it was dark.

Who asked who out first? He asked me out, because he, unlike most men with whom I was then surrounded, understood intuitively that if you don’t ask a girl out, it’s harder to get what you want out of them.

Who wears the pants? Is this metaphorical or literal?

Friends who should do this: I wouldn’t dare to presume.


c jane said...

The heat? Yes, I am feeling it now for sure.

Geo said...

A modern marvel.

[Word verfiication: grating.]

amelia said...

Hands down: best responses to this tag. EVER.

Cafe Johnsonia said...


Fig said...

My favorite was the subtle nod to Arrested Development. You'd make a fine Lucille if you weren't so freaking smart. Also, I'm considering myself tagged.

Nouveau Riche Me said...

I love that you deigned to do this quiz. As if there was any doubt that you two are the most stylish smug marrieds I would know.

Kerry said...

Aw! you have a marriage like mine!

(thanks for the laugh.)

Morgan Moore said...

No words. Just brillant all around.

fijiangirl said...

very smart

martha corinna said...

The best tag I've ever read.

Stephanie N. said...

this is the first time i've read this tag and not wanted to punch someone.

Mojo said...


Brooke said...

you win.

and you're funny.

Marie @ Make and Takes said...

Your husband sounds a lot like mine. His skin too gets irritated, but by water doing the dishes. And he had his designated sleeping spot day 1 of our marriage!

sarah k. said...

I laughed, I cried. It was better than Cats.