jetsetgreen

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Reverse Secret

The universe is quite lovely about so many things. Star-gazer lilies that bloom for days, Chanel perfume, or toddlers, to name just a few examples. The rest of the time I think the universe is trying to teach me a lesson. It's like a reverse Secret: instead me reaching out to the universe for what I want or need, the universe prefers to tell me what I want or need, and that if I know what's good for me, I'll like it.

Like when I posted a couple weeks ago about how I dislike The Olive Garden. I don't understand. Why would you purposefully eat at The Olive Garden when there are amazing local Italian restaurants that actually cook their pasta so it tastes like pasta INSTEAD OF GLUE? Sure, it's a reliable choice, you always know what you're going to get, but when did that become the standard of dining measurement instead of something TASTING GOOD? "Bread sticks" my butt.

Not 24 hours after I came out to the world as a reluctant O.G. diner, in a move that I can only assume is the universe laughing with glee, my mother-in-law gifted me for Christmas not only my very own bottle of mediocre Olive Garden salad dressing, but several O.G. gift cards as well. Thank you, galactic overlords.

Speaking of presents, I've received such sweet ones from so many of you over the past weeks. I have so far failed at adequate reciprocation, I mean (bar descending rapidly) I'll write you a note when I get around to it, GEEZ.

My mother, who I constantly flummox with my taste for modern design and a persistent desire to dress myself, had no idea what to get me for Christmas. My honest plea with her to not bother this year did not work, and I was gifted slippers.

Slippers.

I hate slippers. They are useless. I don't get cold feet and I always want to wear heels, ergo, according to the universe, I must need slippers. Yes, you can have my slippers.

My favorite so far? When I opened up a package from the great state of Wisconsin to find this...


A STAR.

Dear April/Universe,

Very funny.






Also, the movie Bride Wars looks bad. Very bad. The kind of bad where you wonder if there's a screening of Ishtar down the hallway that you can sneak into instead. This is where the universe tells Susie to call me and insist we catch a 9:00 show.

25 comments:

Rachie said...

Um, if you don't want the Olive Garden stuff, I'd gladly take them off your hands. I make no secret of the fact that I have no shame when it comes to chain restaurants.

April, touche! Nicely done, my friend. Nicely done.

jennie w. said...

You mean you don't want to wait two hours for "Italian food"? I thought you have to like chain restaurants to live in Utah. That, and have two-toned back-combed hair,

b. said...

Oooooh, I see you put up the star!

Nice!

(I was in Roberts yesterday standing in line for hours staring at the star, thinking of you.)

rookie cookie said...

You should be hurt and offended that no one gave you a vinyl wall sticker that says, "Live, Laugh, Love". It would go nicely under the star.

How about we change the "L trinity" to "Fight, Hate, Fornicate".

Cafe Johnsonia said...

Just thinking about OG this early in the morning makes me nauseous. And do house stars. Are you sure these people really love you?

(Word verification--no kidding--cornee.)

Azúcar said...

My skepticism of chain restaurants would be as flummoxing to comprehend to my mother in law as my taste for modern design is to my mother.

hannah said...

I have a new love for you, Carina. I thought I was the only one who found OG's food disgusting. My in-laws believe it is the epitome of the perfect restaurant.

And...I also hear you on the star. BLEH!

Kathy said...

Oh my gosh! I love my slippers! It's the only thing I asked for. Here in the great white north my poor feet are always cold and because I never sweep, vacuum or generally clean up anything - there are always little bits of....stuff on my floor.

FoxyJ said...

I've come to love slippers since I moved into an apartment with linoleum floors in an area where it gets very cold in winters ("Mediterranean climate" sounds nice, but it just means you freeze for half the year and roast half the year).

And I swore off Olive Garden after my FIL hosted a dinner there for our families the night before our wedding. I woke up the next day with, um, intestinal distress. Not what you want on your wedding day. It had happened once or twice before after eating there, and I don't know if it's the grease or something else in the food, but I'm never going back.

Marge Bjork said...

I've been wondering about the slippers. they seemed so out of place.

Azúcar said...

I love that you all love slippers!

The IDEA of slippers is lovely. I just can't seem to figure them out. They're not terribly stable, there's no arch support, they should have a stiff sole, but that tricks you into thinking you can go outside in them which you CAN'T (and then still wear them around the house.) I always forget they're there, they take up so much space in the closet, if I want to wear them I can only find one of the pair. The fluffy parts always accumulate bits of dried cereal and last night's wild rice.

I JUST DON'T GET THEM.

Lindsey said...

Seriously.. What a laugh. Tell the Galactic Overloards you give in.

amelia said...

Oh, I dread Olive Garden. That always seems to be the place where people want to go when we're in group outings and, ugh, it's just blah. Last time my family was all together and they wanted to go to Olive Garden ("You live so close to one, you're so lucky!") I spoke up and said it's gross, we have two awesome local Italian places by our house, and I thought they would kill me.

THE STARS. I think I started reading you after "Things I don't get" week, but wow, thank you.

April said...

I couldn't pass up sending you a star. It's a symbol of what a shining example of all your blog is, and all my blog isn't. No, I just thought it was funny and/or the galactic overlords made me.

Holy crap!! My word verification is "mordils." Which I believe is galactic overlord speek for "mortals."

fijiangirl said...

O.K. Olive Garden I get you and the star thing... I almost wet in my pants from laughter but the slippers I love them. This year I got the best ones a pair of UGH slippers, but I know I am not like most people. I am always cold, always! In fact I am sitting at my computer right now with a sweater, scarf and pea coat on so I need slippers. I love your universe, mine doesn't seem to teach me things the way yours does!

Becca said...

You crack me up.

Shirley said...

I am a lurker from cj's blog. I think it would be an appropriate gesture to send those O.G. gift cards to some of the 'Anonymous' commentors she's been getting. You didn't happen to get rope and steak knives too, did ya?

Shirley

Shelby Lou said...

i am new to your massive amounts of comments, just another thing to read. i think you are awesome, witty, and totally funny. You put a smile on my face and you didn't even know it. I will continue to read and comment when necessary. Toodles!

Azúcar said...

Shirley,

For them I think I can find some rope and steak knives.

The nerve...

Azúcar said...

And welcome to all new peeps! I love new peeps (way more than I like Peeps.)

thedoodlegirl said...

He, he. Are you gonna join with us in our "Special House Star" club, now?

Rachie said...

I would rather have a star on my house than vinyl lettering saying "All because two people fell in love" or "True love stories never end" or something equally as insipid. A star is the height of class next to vinyl lettering.

Emmie said...

Can I borrow that star to put on my dressing room door?

Sue said...

I like Olive Garden. Don't hurt me.

The star. THE STAR.

Azúcar said...

Sue,
I'm taking you to Gloria's Little Italy.

That star is five points of love.