Friday, July 10, 2009

They Know Their Time is Coming and They Are Attacking

The exterminator arrives in the morning and not a moment too soon, because I thought I’d seen all the kinds of bugs possible in this hood, but I was wrong.

Not five minutes ago I was sitting here, reading Go Fug Yourself The Financial Times when something long, black, and completely unidentifiable landed, legs buzzing with aggression, on my arm. I screamed like a girl, terrified my husband, and then smashed the offending bug with my bright blue Steve Madden round-toe heels. I guess that means I killed it like a girl.

Speaking of “like a girl,” there’s a guy at work who during the last month’s golf tournament suggested that I golfed like a girl. True, my clubs are shorter than yours. Also, I’m a girl. It simply stands to reason that should I play a round of golf, I would, with the highest degree of probability, golf like a girl.

He continued this train of thought mentioning that I dressed “like a girl” every time he saw me at work. I don’t know how to respond to that. I am female, affirmative. I often dress in clothing that is exclusively meant for women. Many times those clothes are relatively clean, and betimes, matched. I lack a trucker hat in any capacity: ironic or sincere. I have a deficit of sports logo related togs. I haven't worn swim trunks in years.

So, yes, point? Color me flummoxed. That leaves me to respond to every “like a girl” statement with, “Yes. You are correct.”

And then I feel a little like Ed McMahon.

But with no Johnny.

And because I never watched The Tonight Show as a child, those last two sentences have absolutely no resonance with me and I merely used them to elicit an emotional response from you.

(Like a girl.)


Mrs. Organic said...

Totally worked.

Mayhaps he needs his vision checked?

Anonymous said...

hm, the "like a girl" statement always annoys me. It states the obvious, doesn't it?

Glad the bugs will be gone soon! Good for you, smashing it yourself. I always scream (like a girl) for my hubby!

wendysue said...

I remember having a poster in my room when I was growing up with something like that on it "you throw like a girl, you play like a girl, etc." and at the end it said, "well, what exactly did you think I was?"

Just smoosh him with your Steve Maddens.

Rebecca said...

The "like a girl" phrase bugs me too because it's often meant as an insult. Even when women use it. As if doing something "like a girl" is the inferior way to do it.

Marianne & Clayton said...

Just reply with "Your mother."

Azúcar said...

Marianne, you don't know why yet, but your comment was HILARIOUS. I will share why next week.

thedoodlegirl said...

I'm so sorry about the spiders! NO fun! We miss you, lady! Drove by your new place, and it looks great. I noticed you don't have a star up yet, though. Huh.

Shawn said...

Ewww---hate crawly things---glad you got rid of one more!

And I have been told that I run "like a girl" and haven't known how to respond---thanks for the tip.

acte gratuit said...

*sigh* I have an ironic trucker hat. But I bought it against my better judgement and only because my cute hat was washed out to sea by a rouge sneaker wave.
Also, I think the next time your co-worker makes a comment, you should punch him in the arm. Like a boy. Then maybe he'll shut his pie hole.

gurrbonzo said...


Or should I say, A-girl.

Lucky ♥ Holly said...

He's totally trying to hit on you. Desperate for something to say and that's the best he can come up with.

Are you glad you're spoken for!?

Me too.