jetsetgreen

Friday, July 10, 2009

They Know Their Time is Coming and They Are Attacking

The exterminator arrives in the morning and not a moment too soon, because I thought I’d seen all the kinds of bugs possible in this hood, but I was wrong.

Not five minutes ago I was sitting here, reading Go Fug Yourself The Financial Times when something long, black, and completely unidentifiable landed, legs buzzing with aggression, on my arm. I screamed like a girl, terrified my husband, and then smashed the offending bug with my bright blue Steve Madden round-toe heels. I guess that means I killed it like a girl.

Speaking of “like a girl,” there’s a guy at work who during the last month’s golf tournament suggested that I golfed like a girl. True, my clubs are shorter than yours. Also, I’m a girl. It simply stands to reason that should I play a round of golf, I would, with the highest degree of probability, golf like a girl.

He continued this train of thought mentioning that I dressed “like a girl” every time he saw me at work. I don’t know how to respond to that. I am female, affirmative. I often dress in clothing that is exclusively meant for women. Many times those clothes are relatively clean, and betimes, matched. I lack a trucker hat in any capacity: ironic or sincere. I have a deficit of sports logo related togs. I haven't worn swim trunks in years.

So, yes, point? Color me flummoxed. That leaves me to respond to every “like a girl” statement with, “Yes. You are correct.”

And then I feel a little like Ed McMahon.

But with no Johnny.

And because I never watched The Tonight Show as a child, those last two sentences have absolutely no resonance with me and I merely used them to elicit an emotional response from you.

(Like a girl.)

11 comments:

Mrs. Organic said...

Totally worked.

Mayhaps he needs his vision checked?

Mary said...

hm, the "like a girl" statement always annoys me. It states the obvious, doesn't it?

Glad the bugs will be gone soon! Good for you, smashing it yourself. I always scream (like a girl) for my hubby!

wendysue said...

I remember having a poster in my room when I was growing up with something like that on it "you throw like a girl, you play like a girl, etc." and at the end it said, "well, what exactly did you think I was?"

Just smoosh him with your Steve Maddens.

Rebecca said...

The "like a girl" phrase bugs me too because it's often meant as an insult. Even when women use it. As if doing something "like a girl" is the inferior way to do it.

Marianne & Clayton said...

Just reply with "Your mother."

Azúcar said...

Marianne, you don't know why yet, but your comment was HILARIOUS. I will share why next week.

thedoodlegirl said...

I'm so sorry about the spiders! NO fun! We miss you, lady! Drove by your new place, and it looks great. I noticed you don't have a star up yet, though. Huh.

Shawn said...

Ewww---hate crawly things---glad you got rid of one more!

And I have been told that I run "like a girl" and haven't known how to respond---thanks for the tip.

acte gratuit said...

*sigh* I have an ironic trucker hat. But I bought it against my better judgement and only because my cute hat was washed out to sea by a rouge sneaker wave.
--
Also, I think the next time your co-worker makes a comment, you should punch him in the arm. Like a boy. Then maybe he'll shut his pie hole.

gurrbonzo said...

Amen.

Or should I say, A-girl.

Lucky ♥ Holly said...

He's totally trying to hit on you. Desperate for something to say and that's the best he can come up with.


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