Friday, August 14, 2009
Just so you know, if I ever won an Oscar, and to be perfectly honest I never will, I won't be one of those people who uses their Oscar as just another shiny door stop.
My Oscar wouldn't be kept in the cupboard behind the salt. My award wouldn't be in the oven with all of my off-season sweaters or upside down as an emergency tub plug.
I'm pretty sure that if I ever won an Oscar, I would put it on its own shelf with a single spotlight on it. I'd probably refer to the Oscar in every day conversation, trying for casual or oblique mentions and failing at subtlety, "The other day as I was making dinner I noticed my Oscar on its Swarovski crystal ledge and noticed that I hadn't given that round head a polish in at least two hours!"
"This curry reminds me of the time I accepted an Academy Award."
"When you come in the house please remove your shoes and notice the Oscar."
"I sewed some curtains the other night, and also I have an Oscar in my formal living room."
"Does this Lemon Pledge work on Oscars?"
"I need to pick up a few things at the grocery store, oh, and I WON AN OSCAR."
Tell me, where would you keep your Oscar?