jetsetgreen

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dear 1979, The Whole "We Don't Believe in Overhead Lighting" Thing is STUPID

I wanted to do something hot for my husband this Valentine's Day. You know, romantical. And there's probably nothing more hubba-hubba than hiring a handyman to install some overhead lighting in a bedroom so that you don't have to leave the light on in the closet or bathroom to illuminate the space.

Married people are so mysterious.

Lark recommended a handyman whom she credits for saving her marriage. We both married academics. We need professional handymen.

Handyman Mike arrived this morning and we did a walk through of the house, discussing projects. I got stars in my eyes when he started talking about a kitchen remodel. "We could take down this wall."
"Yesssss."
"And task lighting there and there."
"YEeeessssSSS," I breathed, ignoring the Good Angel who was screaming that we do not have the money, not in any currency form on earth, not even pie. Bad Angel insisted, even without a formal bid by Handyman Mike, that a whole kitchen remodel with the removal of two walls and adding new support columns, moving the plumbing, new appliances, counters, and some cabinetry, would probably cost a max of like $3,000 dollars. Surely, said Bad Angel, We could get our hands on a measly $3,000, even maybe an equity line? And think how happy you'd be, He murmured deliciously. Good Angel was freaking. Whatever. Killjoy.

Handyman Mike asked me where the electrical box was and I opened the door to the backyard, where instead of hearing nothing, we heard the rush of something.
"What's that?"
"I don't know," I responded.

He hopped over the railing and showed me the pond that was developing next to my foundation. A rushing pond. In January. Our first burst pipe!

Somehow, this is less exciting than I thought it would be.

And it probably means no overhead lighting.

Super fantastic!

"You're on irrigation water down here?" prompted Handyman Mike.
"Culinary..." I said.
"Your water bill..." he finished.

Well, I'm the one who wanted to own a house. I don't remember Good or Bad Angel having anything to say about that.

22 comments:

thedoodlegirl said...

oh NO! I'm so sorry!!

Stuart said...

We just recently had a pipe burst. Gives you one of those not-so-good feelings in the pit of your stomach, doesn't it? Makes you wonder, "Why the *$#@! did I buy a house?!" Then your neighbor's dog takes a crap on your lawn just to top it all off, and you're forced to oppress the desire to kill. Home ownership... blah.

La Yen said...

Freaking Good Angel.

noelle said...

oh the joys of home ownership. problem is, in your neighborhood, your handyman isn't going to believe you can't afford to make every change and fix every last thing! especially once you get your new car :).

amelia said...

OH PLUMBING. We have had our fair share or plumbing problems over the 2.5 years we've been homeowners and I feel for you - it's expensive and horrible to deal with.

Amy said...

Makes me want to forget about buying that Eichler and keep renting for a while.

"Hello, Landlord? A pipe burst and it's your problem not mine." Sounds good, no?

Emily said...

May be time to file a claim with homeowner's? I called last month the second we discovered water leaking from the dishwasher through the floor to downstairs. Turns out I jumped the gun, because it didn't turn out to be close to the $1000 deductible.

In other news, really only $3000 for a kitchen remodel? I'm too incredulous. And in other other news, saw you quoted in the paper today!

Chief Momma said...

Eeeek, but I guess it was a good thing he came over???

Good luck with all that!

sarah k. said...

For the love of all the suckage in this very fine world! I'll not Penelope this one. Yours is worse.

AzĂșcar said...

Emily - Bad Angel says it would only be $3,000. We all know, the entire universe knows, it would be way, way, way, way, way more. This is why Bad Angel is mean and stupid (but also why we love him, telling us what we want to hear instead of the truth.)

TOWR said...

ACK! Sorry about the pipe burst!

I hate to rain on your parade--but hey, might as well kick you while you're down--but if Handyman Mike thinks he can do a kitchen remodel for $3,000 he's got to be either clinically insane or dumb as a rock. HOW?! How can he do all that for $3,000?? And if he really can, send me his info because I want him to finish my basement.

I hope everything gets squared away quickly!

Erin O. said...

The only thing that will drain your account quicker than a house, is a dog. Some would say an automobile would be 2nd behind a home in heinous expenditures, but I have really awful dogs. Good luck.

AzĂșcar said...

We will never have a dog, or a cat, and if we did, and they cost us more than $79/year to fix, then they would go to live at the farm. They're animals. I don't believe in spending money on something that won't grow up to pay for my retirement.

Anna M said...

Isn't that so typical? Just when things start looking up--BAM! Your pipes burst! Or BAM- car accident!

Or Shazaam-- pregnant!

Good luck!

Petit Elefant said...

OY. VEY.

Emily Hill said...

Sometimes being an adult--or at least old enough to legally be an adult and own a house and a car--totally sucks. I am so sorry!

Rynell said...

Oh I am totally with you on this one. Turns out they didn't believe in overhead lighting in 1955 either. And two of our pipes have broken this winter. Yippy.

Marianne & Clayton said...

Being grown up sucks... Well, you can all finish that sentence with the word of your choice. I am sincerely sorry for your crap situation. Spending money on anything necessary is so un-fun.

TheOneTrueSue said...

That just bites. I'm so sorry.

Tina S. said...

You are terribly funny.

Rynell said...

P.S. If you actually use the handyman, let me know if he is a good one. :)

rookie cookie said...

Precisely why I just moved into a RENTAL house.