Thursday, January 21, 2010

Winter Madness!

I think I have Winter Madness with a terrible case of Spinning.

It's not the snow thing. I like snow. I think snow is delightful. I can even tell the days are staying lighter later, driving home in an icy-rosy glow should make me happy. Could it be the doldrums? No. I am not a ship on the ocean, no matter what kind of analogy you wish to employ.

Is it latent hibernation? I find myself reluctant to crawl out of bed, truculent if I have to abandon the couch, difficult if I have to leave my house, desirous of blankets to wrap around me at all times, and a serious case of the "No, I don't want to"s. I don't want to talk, I don't want to leave, I don't want to eat that, I don't want to go to there.

My DVR is 92% full. This is ridiculous. I have to delete shows before watching them. What kind of Winter Madness does not allow for TV consumption? That's grounds for investigation right there, Exhibit D.

The Supreme Court ruled today that corporations have the same rights as a person. This makes sense. Afterall, I broke up with AT&T, TJ Maxx is my secret lover, Apple and I have a love-hate relationship, I belong to Google, I have a crush on Ford, I'm in bed with OrangeSoda, and NBC is my mortal enemy. What could be wrong with all that? Wait, unless someone forgot to attend the Difference Between Personification and PEOPLE Symposium at the law school. Oops! Maybe they were too busy making crafts with the wives' club.

Speaking of stupid decisions, I've been meaning to get a pedicure for two months and keep putting off nail trimming until my theoretical appointment. My toe nails are obscenely long.


(Winter Madness.)

(Send help.)

(And soup.)

(With a maid.)

(The soup has the right to vote now, right?)

(Let's bring back poll taxes.)



c jane said...

Can the inversion count as soup? I mean, sometimes it is referred to as "the soup"?

AzĂșcar said...

We took a vote on Twitter: The Inversion is now called Cancer Fog.

Kristen said...

I feel it too. January blues. Ugh!

My suggestion? Take a quick jaunt down to Utah's Dixie Land - if even for a couple of days. Blue skies, slightly warmer weather, and awesome red rock formations. St. George is great in the winter - Brigham Young was a very smart man!

gurrbonzo said...


I hear you. This part of winter is cold and gray and a bummer.

Annnnd, do NOT get me started on Citizens United. Puke.

annie said...

i could bring your chairs...would that help? they're not soup, but you could sit in them to eat soup that a better cook brings you. actually, i do have a curry squash soup recipe that might solve all the world's problems if we let it...

Fig said...

And you don't want to sing another love song, baby? That seems the logical conclusion.

AzĂșcar said...

I will take those chairs and add them to the rest of the lonely, table-less chairs. I personally believe that a curry squash soup might solve all the world's problems, but in the eyes of my husband, it would be the origin of all chaos.

Kristen, could it be that I get all my smarts and sass from B.Y.? It's a possibility.

Gurrrrr, I wish I could get you started. Do you think it was a conspiracy to release the decision so close to the birth of your child to distract you from going nuclear?

Anne-Marie said...

The inversion is depressing enough. But, seriously my friend. You've got to schedule yourself some TV time. Priorities!

Joel said...

Winter madness. I am totally feeling it, too. Speaking of personification, I think I'd like to pretend I'm a bear and start hibernating.

Lara said...

Sorry. Last comment from me. I'm obviously hibernating, just like I hoped.

The Boob Nazi said...

I literally slept from 11pm to about 1pm today with a little bit of awake time slash a move to the couch. I'm definitely hibernating.

Camels East said...

Diagnosis: Ennui.

Steady transfusion of trashy mags and trashier food. STAT

Melody said...

Apparently TJ has been cheating on me. Welcome to seasonal affective disorder. My friend's pets all line up in front of her full-spectrum light box this time of year. Go figure. Then go visit your secret lover.

Rynell said...

Hibernation is my newest secret weapon. At least you blog. Thank goodness for that!