jetsetgreen

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Hour, Minute, Second

I'm ruled by the clock. My watch, my cell phone, my computer, my clocks, the time is in perpetual view. I'm constantly looking to see what the time it is and adjusting. I have 15 minutes to do the dishes. I have 20 minutes to get completely ready. It will take 17 minutes to work if I make this light. 45 minutes to write this collateral. 14 minutes to the meeting. 60 minutes to finish this project before I have to leave. 90 minutes to sew a costume, add 10 minutes of putting away, if we're all lucky. The entire day was scheduled to the minute, and I felt it. Moments of panic threatened to overwhelm as the clock counted down to the next project, the next chore, the next interview.

At the end of the day there was never enough time to do everything I needed, let alone wanted to do. I'd decide to ignore the clock at some point during the evening. And as the night turned into morning, my useless fight with time would stalemate with me exhausted and further behind than ever.

And then one day, I didn't have a schedule.

I had commitments, but not a schedule. We had breakfast. We went to the dentist. We stopped by the grocers. I didn't have to speed to make a light and fear losing 5 minutes. I could take as much time as I wanted to clean the kitchen. Dinner prep could start and stop since I didn't have to have it all on the table in less than 30 minutes. Entire stretches of the day passed when I didn't know what time it was or what would be happening next. I felt the oppression of time float off to bother another soul.

The breathes came slower and longer.

I listened.

And I like it.







Are you still watching American Idol? Huge swathes of my friends have sworn off the show, for probably good reasons. Every week I hate half the performances because the children picked a song that was all wrong. (Here's a hint: if Aretha sings it, YOU CAN'T.) Would you indulge me? Last night was R&B theme. If you would've been performing, what song would you have chosen? My choice? Tyrone by Erykah Badu.

27 comments:

Amy said...

a year ago my husband went through a similar situation and our income went through the toilet. It really sucked. And the dynamics of everything changed. But if you can, like you are in this post, see some of the small silver-ish linings, it makes it a little more bearable. And it did make me a much tougher person, so that's good. And we are getting back on our feet now. You will too.

gurrbonzo said...

No schedule is both wonderful and terrifying.

And, no one else likes Didi but I do.

Chelsea said...

So I take it, this new found freedom is since you got laid off? Your first paragraph explaining the time crunches in your life, stressed me out! I liked the second situation much, much better. Sounds like you are actually enjoying life!

okay, I HATE American Idol this year. I still watch though. Everything about it, everything is painful.

Kelly said...

Okay I am just curious. Can you read Chinese?

I also can't stand Idol this year. I forget to watch, try and catch up sometimes and stop before my eyeballs start bleeding. They are bad this year.

Any luck with your job search?

JMadd said...

I know people who don't let their kids watch Harry Potter because they just don't think it's quality entertainment; however, the whole fam crams onto the living room couch to watch American Idol each week. I'm seriously wondering about their priorities right now.

rookie cookie said...

Looks like you have an Asian blog reader. You are so lucky!

American Idol is definitely losing it's luster. When I tell my sisters that I didn't watch it, they are bothered, shocked and disturbed. But I did watch the first half of last night (who really wants to 2 whole hours of American Idol????) and I only watched because it was Usher. Oh Usher, you handsome chocolate devil. Although last night, he wasn't wearing his shades and I figured out why he always does. The guy has the tiniest eyes!

As for my R&B choice, I will have to think about that today. If I can't have Aretha, maybe I will take Whitney Houston.

La Yen said...

No Idol. Too painful. But I would sing Roberta Flack.

And the time thing--it really, really grew on me. Now I don't ever want to go back.

Marianne & Clayton said...

FYI to all who think you have a Chinese friend, no. You have a Chinese spammer. They hit my blog all the time for some reason. I just delete the comments as they sometimes link to soft porn. Asian girls in bikinis. It's not that bad, but it's not that good. A lot like American Idol this season.

Al Greene. Aint No Sunshine. As if I could sing it, but I would like to.

P.S. The Harry Potter comment was dead on awesome.

craftyashley said...

Welcome to the life of a stay at home mom! It has it's perks. :)
Until you start in with the mind-numbing routine of being a SAHM.

April said...

Been thinking of you often, Carina. Hope you're doing well.

Still watching AI, but I could care less about most of them. I like Lee the best. I can't stand that Siobhan. I don't know why they keep fawning all over her.

That's Ms. Amy to You... said...

I was laid off in October, and at first I was twitchy with the lack of "drive" in my day. But it has been an incredible blessing to be able to sit and read stories with my 2 year old - without thinking about the fact that there were only 4 minutes until the next conference call or worrying about whether or not I would miss Kindergarten pick-up because I was trying to meet a deadline.

Unemployment checks help, and so do the small moments with your family.

I don't watch AI. I just can't stomach it.

Michelle said...

Hang in there love. Enjoy your hours. xoxo, m

Emily said...

Enjoy the change in your schedule. I'm glad you have time to breathe! This is probably the first season I've actually watched Idol. (I know, I know, what a lame season to start doing so.) *sigh*

Stepper the Mighty said...

Beautiful.

You - not American Idol.

Just to be clear.

~j. said...

I've decided to remove American Idol from my queue despite its awesome description on my DVR:

American Idol starring Ellen DeGeneres and some other people.

Mrs. Potts said...

Anything by Lauryn Hill or John Legend, my two r&b faves.

Bek said...

smoke gets in your eyes by the Platters

loved this post. scary but liberating. Take naps, cause you can ( in theory).

Jennifer B. said...

You have great perspective.

I'm not watching Idol this year, but I second the suggestion to sing something by John Legend.

Anna M said...

I want to know how we were supposed to know that Sean Combs is now to be referred to as "Diddy Dirty Money." Heaven help us. And Usher? Gag.

I officially am removing AI from my DVR--horrible!

If Jamie Foxx were on as well, I would probably have pulled the cords out of the wall.

The Bakers said...

Hey my boss might need your freelancing wit and skill with internet marketing and blogging. Interested? He's basically looking for a personal PR person.

Geo said...

I'm glad you're finding something sweet to love about this change. Breathing is good.

lisa said...

How about Marvin Gaye? Is he R&B? I am really bad with genres of music but I think I would pick him.

Vanessa said...

American Idol is buggin the crap out of me but I still am kind of watching.

Ok good ? what would I have performed....

Oh I would HAVE to do a Paula song that was my first CD.

ha or I Wanna Be Down by Brandy or That Girl is Mine by...I cannot remember...

-vanessa from inevergrewup.net

TheOneTrueSue said...

I'd sing Freak Like Me. Just because it would bother people. I have a feeling if I was on AI, Randy would constantly be bugging me about song choice.

I'm glad you're experiencing a little peace along with the whole deal.

Raychill said...

Dude. It sounds amazing! And I want a little bit of that! Tell me though . . . do you think it will be nice for like a couple weeks - and then you will need the clock and the crazy to drive you again? I think I'm more productive with the crazy driving me. (as much as I'd like to think I would enjoy breathing)

Sarah said...

So glad you are enjoying the break. Although I realized I got soo much more done when I worked because I had to be organized. Now, feh, whatever.

I, too, would like Siobhan to go away. I'm not on that train.

I'll miss Didi, but Mama Sox is the only reason worth watching this season.

I would sing "The Promise" by Tracy Chapman.

Nishant said...
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