Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Real Eggs Only With Candy! And Lies!

I decided to make these candy-stuffed real eggs I found on Not Martha last Easter Eve because I am crazy pants. And because I like to trick my children.

El Guille and I dyed the raw eggs together. I threw away all the color tablets, except blue, teal, and green, when he wasn't looking because I wanted the eggs to look pretty and not like a kid dyed them. Even trying to be careful, EG broke one egg. Plan on this kind of reinforcement for the subterfuge. If he hadn't of broken an egg, it would have been a good idea to accidentally drop one, or throw it against the wall, because he needed to remember that when he went to bed he was leaving raw, colored eggs.

I took a Dremel with the flat circular attachment to drill the bottom of the eggs; cutting a round hole about the size of a quarter. (See, Morgan, I really did use a Dremel, Ha!) I shook the raw egg into a container and then put the empty egg shell into a pot of boiling water for 5-10 minutes, depending on how long it took me to remember to go take them out. I used an old toothbrush and rinsed out the insides under cold water. Boiling the eggs immediately removed all the dye color. So next time, when your kid wants to take the egg out approximately 30 seconds after he put it in the color, and you're going to pull the wool over his eyes anyway, let him take it out.

I re-dyed the empty eggs. Of course I did.

I set them to dry and even after a few hours, the insides were still damp. Next time, I'll take Megan's (Not Martha) advice and let them dry overnight. However, that will necessitate even more lies to your children as they demand to know what happened to the eggs they dyed yesterday LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S A DINO-SPACESHIP-TRANSFORMER-LEGO! I don't know if you have a secret spot where you can hide a bunch of eggs suspended on bamboo skewers while they dry, but I'd encourage you to find one. Lying to your children, it's what holidays are all about!

While the documentary The Cove was playing, I put a Werther's hard caramel, a few Haribo gummy bears (because they are the one, true gummy bear; all others are crap,) and some Mentos in each egg. I don't know. I panicked while candy-picking at the store. The inside of the eggs, although sterilized and left to dry for two hours, were still a bit damp. I bet someone with more follow-through could have located a hair dryer and completed the job. I used hot glue to affix mini-muffin paper cups to the bottom of the eggs while I watched the crazy-awesome team try to rescue dolphins. I cried a little, because, *sniff* dolphins, man.

This picture taken with my phone, because it was on me and I didn't want to find a camera

In the morning, EG picked up an egg and started to investigate the paper stuck on the bottom. Be fast on the distraction, guys, or the surprise you have planned for later will be ruined. I was fast on the distraction. And when I served almost a dozen scrambled eggs for breakfast they didn't suspect a thing. Kids are so clueless.

After dinner on Easter Sunday, I brought out the plate and encouraged Proximo and EG to ignore years of "DON'T SQUEEZE THAT EGG" and smash their eggs.

They were completely delighted. Proximo go the hang of it right away, palming an egg and winding up like Curt Schilling to pulverize an egg on the tabletop. EG came up with an elaborate egg transformation explanation on the spot involving a significant expansion of Easter bunny powers.

It was worth the time I spent to dye, slice, shake, re-dye, dry, stuff, glue, and hide. I'd do it again next year, for sure.

P.S. Thank you all for your continued emails, messages, carrier pigeons, and phone calls. You've been so marvelous, generous, and helpful. It's meant so much to me. Keeping up with the volume of correspondence is daunting, but I read all your messages even if I don't reply right away. Merci.


Sarah said...

Wow. I am super impressed... but you are a little crazy :)

Anonymous said...

That's fabulous. I definitely need to learn to use my husband's Dremel (or, better still, get my own).

Anonymous said...

(I do feel a little sorry for your kids thinking that the egg-dye palette is so limited. But the result WAS pretty.)

AzĂșcar said...

You'd think he was sad, but curiously, he was thrilled with the three colors. If he'd seen the other tablets, that would be one thing, but he didn't. Next year, I'm going to take a cue from Petit Elefant and order the Ukranian easter egg dyes, because they are so intense and gorgeous (and cheap.)

Truth? I borrow the Dremel from my dad.

Veeda said...

You = awesome mom.

Stepper the Mighty said...

Haribo *is* the one, true gummy.

This is awesome. And inspirational. I will endeavor to lie better to my children next year.

annie said...

the oven is the key! apparently if you stick the empty shells in the oven for a bit, they dry right out. you'll have to ask the internet what temperature and stuff because i've never actually done this, but all the egg blowing instructions i read told us to do this. also, those are adorable and brilliant easter eggs! you're a rock star.

Geo said...

That's real dedication to the institution of Lies-As-Nurture. Impressive! And delicious, apparently.

Thinking of you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots, xo.

Amy said...

Please don't ever invite my children to your house for holidays. I didn't even acknowledge the Easter Bunny this year.

AzĂșcar said...

So EG found a big bag of Haribo gummy bears today with just a few left. "HEY," he said, "What happened to the rest of these gummy bears?" I started to say, "What do you think I filled your eggs with?" and stopped and started to say, "The Easter bunny filled your eggs with them," stopped, and then said, "I bet your dad ate them."

Emily said...

Okay, you rock! Those eggs are totally the be-all, end-all to Easter basket surprises!

Kristina P. said...

These would be awesome for April Fool's. As would something that looks like excrement, but isn't. Good times.

Sean and Steph said...

You're awesome :) saw your comment about "Shipmates," you should definitely read it, but after, read "Assassination Vacation." You will so very happy, I promise! And "The Cove" made me cry too.... I'll never think of Sea World the same way again.

Nishant said...
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