I bought a brand new bottle of fluoride mouthwash for children a couple days ago. Why? Because cavities are way more expensive than mouthwash (but are certainly more amusing.) I supervise the kid's intake and expell of the stuff, because no one wants to be the mom whose kids developed a drinking problem from the Listerine (no offense, Dimetapp moms.)
Saturday night I put the kids into the tub and went to get a towel. I heard Other Half supervising. Someone screamed/hit/smacked/spilled on the other and so tub time ended prematurely (no hair washing.) A few minutes later I looked over at the counter and noticed that the full bottle of mouthwash now had one centimeter of liquid left. I looked at it again. I counted the hours since I'd purchased the mouthwash. I looked again. Still one centimeter, not even a decent American half inch.
"El Guille," I said, "Want to tell me what happened to the mouthwash?"
That's when he did his guilt-ridden posture: Mouth widening into a cheshire-grimace, shoulders raising, head-ducking, eyes like teacups.
"I...what?" I demanded.
"I wanted to see what would happen if I poured it all into the bathtub."
"WHAT?" I managed to get out, and then turned my head and pursed my lips to keep from laughing.
"I poured the whole thing into the bathtub. And then I got back in it."
"With your brother?"
Buzzed head nod.
"And..." *stifle* "What happened?"
"The color didn't change and the water didn't taste any different."
"Right," I said, and then sternly discussed a few notes about things costing money, and this mouthwash was supposed to last, and cavities, and responsibilities, and maybe Nero fiddling while Rome burned.
I repeated the story later to Other Half.
"Oh," he started laughing, "Well, that wasn't the only thing."
"Uh, when Proximo had to sit on the toilet, I maybe didn't clean him all the way off and just stuck him back into the tub."
Wow. What a hot pair we will be.
In totally unrelated news that bears repeating even if you've heard it before on Twitter:
Proximo ate the peanut butter out of the mousetrap this morning.
We're so proud.