jetsetgreen

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stupid Elmo Chair




Today is the day that this stupid piece of crap chair that I have hated since my MIL sent it to my son when he was two years old goes into the trash.

Good riddance you disgusting, noisy, terrifying, filthy, vaguely threatening toy. I hate your gobble mouth, your fur is gross, your back offers no resistance, your foam is collapsing, your arms flop to the sides, you smell like every lost sippy cup in the world. I despise your overtly commercial character and inducement to consumption. Your nose is weird and your eyes are on the wrong side of the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal. I have tried to throw you away a dozen times, and yet you return to their rooms as if you walked there yourself, which you didn't, because if you had legs I'm pretty sure I'd wake up to see you standing next to my pillow in the morning with that imbecilic grin on your "face" and a knife in your fold. I hope you burn in a landfill with no Woody on the horizon.

We're through.

You're toast.

Enjoy your new life in Hell.

24 comments:

noelle said...

Please tell us how you really feel about this chair Carina. I'm not sure where you stand.

tarable said...

But you'll miss him, right?

The Morgan Clan said...

Wow that's pretty harsh.

craftyashley said...

My mom bought these for my twins. SO THERE WERE TWO OF THEM. IN MY HOUSE. It almost drove me off the edge, going 100 mph. Luckily, my psycho passive aggressive dog peed on them. What a shame. (yet a fitting end to the Elmo chair)

Kelly said...

Hope your MIL doesn't read your blog. I have a ducky blanket that looks like it's swallowing my daughter when she wears it's head/hood on her head that I cannot stand. It was given to us by my MIL too.

Do you think we might be projecting a bit?

brinestone said...

My four-year-old passed by while I was reading this and said, "An Elmo chair! How fun it is!"

kami @ no biggie said...

sing it with me..."La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la Elmo's World". ;)

Amy said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Vanessa said...

Oh my I needed this laugh!!!

La Yen said...

One of the MANY reasons I am excited for Jooj to start kindergarten is to begin systematically purging her room of crap while she is gone.

Also, it would be better if you can get rid of it as a Proximo Punishment--then when he asks for it you get to be all "remember? You were bad."

Melissa said...

WOOHOO!!! Go Carina!

Penelope has yet to own anything dealing with a princess or commercial character. Well, besides the micro-sized fiona action figure she got at McDonald's. Shrek is ok in my book, because the main girl is a giant ogre.

Don't know how you survived so long with that monstrosity in your house!

cat said...

Love the obscure How I Met Your Mother reference...Hate the chair. What is it about MILs that automatically gives them a penchant for horrible toys? I think every obnoxious, noisy, annoying toy in my house has come in a box from the MIL...

ktb said...

That is hilarious! Love this post.

amy said...

Either your MIL doesn't read your blog or she knows how you feel about that chair.

Mary said...

Ew. Furniture should never smell like a lost sippy cup. I found one today and had to use all of my resolve to wash it out rather than throw it away.

Marianne & Clayton said...

My 1 year old only knows thirty some-odd words, but she can clearly say "Elmo". Over and over and over she can say Elmo. We were so proud of our hipster-wannabe selves for not going "character" toys or clothes, but I can already see that we really have little control over the future situation.

Mother freaking Dora, here we come. Ugh.

ali said...

Wait.... Are you married to one of my husband's brothers??

Complicated Mama said...

OMG! We so have that chair!... lol... actually had the chair... We got rid of it a while ago!

Vern said...

So can we all assume that Elmo took that sitting down?

Amy Jones said...

Seriously... awesome!

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud said...

Bwahahaha! We've been frantically packing for our move out of state next week and one of the great benefits of this move is tossing out all the crap my kids have been holding onto for dear life. I've finally got a good excuse for throwing out their annoying, cheap, ridiculous toys. :) Life is good.
Thanks for stopping by Carina. Hope your week is shaping up to be a good one.

Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
@TweetingMama

skelshan said...

Impertinent posts
no longer think you are clever
just rude
good bye

Hannah said...

Favorite posts ever. I hope it burns next to our old Dora couch.

Shannon said...

Well, as long as you're not feeling sentimental...