• A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.
• Consider purchasing non-food treats for those who visit your home, such as coloring books or pens and pencils.
• Wait until children are home to sort and check treats. Though tampering is rare, a responsible adult should closely examine all treats and throw away any spoiled, unwrapped or suspicious items.
• Try to ration treats for the days following Halloween.
Who is giving out spoiled candy? Is there such a thing as spoiled candy? I’ve never seen mold growing on a Jolly Rancher, have you? I’d suspect that “spoiled” looking candy was merely a ploy to remove the candy from our hungry gazes. As for unwrapped candy, I bet you’re talking about my neighbor’s caramel popcorn, in which case, mind your own business.
I'm glad you brought up suspicious items, uh, because I think I’m guilty. Several years ago when we were childless, carefree, and squandered our time doing Jupiter knows what, we forgot to pick up Halloween candy. When our doorbell rang at 5:45pm I had a moment of sheer panic as I realized the consequence I’d set up for myself: I’d chosen trick! Who chooses trick? It’s a national compromise: WE CHOOSE TREAT. I opened the door, admired the small ones, and excused myself to run around the corner to our pantry. I scanned the shelves and found them full of beans, which although magical, lack a certain je ne sais quoi in the Halloween department. The only alternative? The bag of mixed nuts in their shells I’d purchased with the best of snack intentions the previous January. So I hauled out the nuts, brought them to the door, and dropped a couple walnuts, brazil nuts, and a few almonds into their open bags. They looked at me in disappointment; their father laughed so hard he cried.
The next year I was ready, by gum, with Mounds and Almond Joys. The same small fry were our first trick-or-treaters. This time their mother laughed and thanked us for handing out candy kids don’t like but moms do. Fail.
Consider handing out pencils and pens? Do you know how many eyes you can poke out with a pen? I hope those pencils are sharpened for maximum abdominal penetration! Say what you will, but a mini-Snickers never killed anyone (although I have yet to see the new Saw movie, so I guess it’s theoretically possible.)
And AAP? I know you mean well, but telling me to feed my kids a healthy meal before trick-or-treating? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Duh, AAP. Maybe you should stop partnering with The Obesity Generators before you start telling me to feed my kids healthy foods. Up yours.
Now, if you'll pardon me, I need to hit the store and buy coconut-free candy.