This very afternoon a spammer on Twitter sent me a tweet along these lines: “I just got a free Walmart gift card, click here to get yours before they’re all gone!”
Wow. A gift card to Walmart? It’s like they don’t know me at all.
Honestly, Walmart? The place that makes me feel like I’m in the ninth circle of the Inferno the moment I step through the doors? Where I’m confronted with the choice of going left or right at the first pile of cardboard boxes only to be confronted, in a dreary, sisyphean twist, with more boxes? Why sure, $100 sounds like a good idea! I like to be surrounded by various minor demons and whatever wailing small child is out after midnight!
It all got me thinking.
Do you think you know me? Really know me?
I dare you.
Leave a comment telling me what you think you know about me and I’ll add it to this post. I’m not talking about compliments; we all know my skin is lovely. I’m talking about the one thing you really think you know about me.
I’ll even allow anonymous comments again so you can say the mean things you know about me (and some of you know a great deal of mean things.)
Why? One of my friends says she finds it hilarious how many people think they know me, without the benefit of years and with the lack of deep confidences. Call it an exercise in curiosity, an experiment in debate.
About Carina (by You):
1. Fiercely loyal to friends
True, or at least that's what my friends tell me. Those fools.
2. Has a vast knowledge of cheese
I guess I do. I mostly read and remember what I read, cheese included.
3. Strong advocate for breastfeeding and nursing anywhere
4. Likes words, and may be wordy smart
They're just so cool! They make it easy to say stuff!
I have nothing to say to that.
6. Can bake and am a great cook
I can! It is possible!
7. Don't mind clutter
Well, I mind it, I just don't do anything about it (or the periods where I do something about it are widely spaced intervals.) Am training my children to do it for me. Valid parenting choice.
8. I DO think it's funny you're eating my waffles with Great Value brand syrup
9. Friends with Wendy Chao (rendering me automatically awesome and cool)
Does this mean I automatically have her advanced degree from Harvard, too? Because I would die (in the Rachel Zoe sense.) You know, if I didn't pay so much attention to things and people like Ms. Zoe, I might have my own advanced degree.
10. Retain details about and are friends with everyone with whom I come in contact
11. No Nestle
Because the people behind Nestle are money-grubbing fascists? Yes.
12. Excellent traveling companion
I'll let you see me in my underwear.
13. Lipstick, curls, and heels
That happens a lot.
14. Fantastic taste in books and music (dangerously close to Brinestone's)
Everyone always thinks they have fantastic taste in books and music, and in my case, it happens to be true.
15. Perfect snarky ton that never crosses the line into fake, whiny, or mean.
16. Recently lost a friend to cancer
Cancer can suck it.
17. Miscarried at the Top of the World
That's where I found out I was knocked up (which turned out to be a transitory state.)
18. Travels more than Brinestone does
I have no way of quantifying this statement on the evidence presented, so I'll have to...agree?
19. Knows Miss Nemesis
I do! And she is lovely! You know, she IS the Voice of Reason.
20. Seems to be wicked smart
Appearances are marvelous things, aren't they?
21. Appreciates: the finest things in life, people with palates, intelligent debate
Which is why we get along so well, you do, too!
22. Has a knowledge of just about everything (art, history, music, science, literature)
Source: the curse of remembering almost everything.
23. Student of the world, having lived in various states and in Europe
Student of the world implies I learned something in each of those various states and in Europe. I may have.
24. One of the funniest people Lindsey knows, and is maybe hilarious.
Again, this is difficult to quantify as I don't have a readily available sample, but I'm going to go with: probably.
25. A Mormon with a strong testimony but if you aren't, likes you anyway
Look at that! I am! And I do like you!
Yes, but, I'd consider myself more of a progressive who happens votes Democrat. I'll vote for a Republican if I think they're the better person for the job. In summary: I VOTE AND YOU SHOULD, TOO.
27. Will probably take out the bullies
I leave that to my husband (foreshadowing?!)
28. Has a turquoise wallet
I DO! This is one of the most personal details you've been able to ascertain yet. Ha!
29. Husband is my opposite
You have no idea. It's like I'm South and he's North.
30. Sisters and I are similar but different
This is so true and also not true!
31. Often came late to work and now that Chelsea has kids, too, she wonders how in the world I even got there when I did
I have a loose sense of when I should have to appear at work, my babes don't help.
32. When going to Etta's in Seattle I like to order a cheese platter
I like the clams even better.
33. Likes to shop.
34. Used to be a manager at Barnes and Noble, or was it Borders?
It was Borders, but I've worked both places.
35. Coming up with a group-themed Halloween costume is my forte
This has happened.
36. Shares a hairstylist with Chelsea
His name is Patrick. He's a genius, maybe you should book an appointment (and he's single, ladies! Yes, ladies.)
37. Has an appreciation for and also a knowledge of mid-century modern architecture and design
One of my passions. I even have a blog dedicated to mid-century design and architecture--a blog which I am notoriously terrible at updating!
38. Appreciates a well-placed curse word
I certainly do (although it has landed me into trouble recently.)
39. Very opinionated, but in a responsible and respectful way, and probably downright sassy
I'm responsible? That's so nice to hear from you, dear reader! Now, please tell my mother.
40. Thinks sleep is overrated
There are so many other things I could be doing, why waste them sleeping?
41. A smarty pants, but a nice smarty pants
I have you hoodwinked.
42. Knows what it feels like to have a sense of duality in who society thinks I should be and who I actually am
Who's the smarty pants now? You, Megling. "Sense of duality"...you read too much!
43. Has Google-bombed someone
Yup. I did that. They were making my life difficult and causing Sheriffs to show up at my house at all hours looking for them, so I Google-bombed them to make them take responsibility. I have no idea if it worked, it did make me feel better. Until I felt bad and took down the bomb a day later.
44. Is a foodie extraordinaire who knows where to get a good Raclette in Park City, Utah
Although the term "foodie" kind of bugs me, I fit the description. And you should go to Adolf's (where the food is not cheap but is very, very delicious.)
45. One of my ancestors is Brigham Young and I defend him on the interwebs
He is my great-great-great-great-grandfather. I downright like the fellow, he was a lion.
46. Will drop a chunk of change on a pair of heels
Hmm. I'm actually famously cheap. I own some expensive heels, but I never pay full price and I usually score them for dirt cheap.
47. Is generous
I aspire to generosity. I could be doing so much more than I actually am. I should be more better.
48. Nursed babies for more than two years
That's right. 2.5 years each, when they weaned themselves. It was awesome. Highly recommend.
49. Hates flip-flops
THEY ARE FOR THE BEACH.
50. Has a real, honest to throwback, retro house with a pictorial backdrop wall.
It's going to be even more retro-y once I finish it. And yes, a full-wall landscape photo complete with a pull-down silver screen. You know, for ribald slideshows.
51. Comes across brash and fearless but is one of the most sensitive and caring people La Yen knows
I'd cry if I weren't so pissed off at you for outing me and my soft underbelly.
52. Freaked the heck out of the vendors at the City Market in La Ciudad, Juarez by haggling in the Espanish
I sure did. I am not going to pay that much, and I WILL walk away. Because you are nada especial, amigo!
53. Loves when it is practically fall
Yes, I do. When the leaves are still on the trees and it's so hot that almost everybody still thinks it's summer, it's practically fall.
54. Doesn't know you, like you don't know her