jetsetgreen

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Parables and Allegories

Do you ever wonder if there was someone in the audience during the Allegory of the Olive Tree who leaned over to their friend and said, "But, I don't even like olives."

"I'm confused," said another, "Is this about the gentiles? I just wish they'd say 'gentiles' instead of branches."

And then another friend said, "I wish they'd choose one side or another--is this about the House of Israel or the gentiles? How does grafting even apply?"
"Yeah," one responded, "I'm sick of people talking about gentiles."

Someone else whispered, "I'm pretty sure they're supposed to graft during the fall months, have they talked about that? It's important that grafting happens in cool weather."

"Is there good soil under that tree? Did they water the trees enough? They should really do a better job of cleaning up that vineyard because it sounds messy."

"House of Israel? Do they mean an actual house? Because I love houses that have brick mixed with clapboard."

"A house is not the same as a tree; this is such a stupid analogy."

"This doesn't apply to me because I'm a weaver."

"Vineyard? This sounds like an orchard, can they just call it what it is?"

"Olive oil is healthy! I think we should use more of it!"

"If gentiles join the House of Israel I'm going to be seriously pissed!"



Now that I think about it, it's a wonder that the storyteller ever completed his allegory.

25 comments:

Emily said...

I'd love to know when the idea for this post first occurred to you. Love it!

cw said...

and then there are those ignorant audience members who write anonymous notes saying all kinds of nasty things about the storyteller...if they didn't want to hear the story, why did they even go?

Andy said...

I heard that Jesus wasn't born in America, but in the Middle East or something. He says otherwise, but why doesn't He just show us His birth certificate?

I'm just asking questions here.

Sid the Science Kid said...

Why wait for the second coming when we have cjane?

Emily said...

This and you are fabulous. I agree, people are stupid. And really noisy.

La Yen said...

"He's just getting paid 10% of my money to tell this story anyway."

cafe rio whore said...

your ad network hates olives.

similacluvr said...

Your ad network loves olives BUT TWO OLIVES CAN"T MAKE BABIES TOGETHER.

Jenny said...

That's awesome. I guess it was a perk of living before live blogging and tweeting, eh?

noelle said...

i am laughing so hard. well played azucar. well played.

Rynell said...

Exactly.

Kalli Ko said...

you lost me at allegory

b. said...

Is this about martinis?

I thought you did the mocktail posts on Tuesdays!

adrienne said...

I'd really like to use this space to comment on the blog of a person to whom you are related but for whom you are not responsible. Please direct me to such a blog so that I can come back and criticize it here.

Tzipporah said...

I'm still trying to figure out what the allegory of the olive tree is. Sure I could google it, but help a Jewish girl out!

lisa said...

What does El Guille say about olives? Because that boy is funny...

Bryn said...

I think you transcribed what was going on in everyone's head during Sunday School! How'd you do that?

c jane said...

Do they put crushed olives in baby forumla?

A Fellow Public Olive Lover said...

Azucar,

1) As a fellow olive lover, I disagree with much of what you write about olives. Please be sure to make it clear you don't officially represent all oliver lovers.

2) Sorry it would have been better if I speculated about what you were going to write before you wrote it. So uh, I guess I have nothing else.

kelly said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I loved every second of this. I read it twice even.

Geo said...

Can olives grow in Idaho?

Olive Mom... said...

Moms love olives! I am doing an olive giveaway! Tons of super cute olives in super cute bottles!

AzĂșcar said...

Dear Tzipporah,

Try this
Allegory of Olive Tree.

And apologies for not linking it before.

Mary said...

I am loving this comment section. Especially adrienne's post. HA!

Also, people that grow olives are cult members.

angela michelle said...

and sometimes I think it's a wonder anyone ever completes reading it.