jetsetgreen

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Nausea is The New Black

There is absolutely a reason why I’ve eaten two Wendy’s sour cream and chive potatoes in the past twenty-four hours: they’re the only thing that have made me feel human.

The nausea is overwhelming; it covers me with unceasing waves. All I can do is lie prostrate on the sofa wondering why I let myself get knocked up again.


Wait, what? It's true! I am with child! I am suffering the consequences of my actions!

It’s not like I didn’t know this could happen. Do you remember August of ‘06? I spent that month with my body buried in the couch, turning over only to call another Thomas and Friends episode from the On-Demand menu while my toddler rotted his brain. Just call November ‘10 the remix.

Other things I have eaten in the past three weeks because they helped:
1. In-and-Out cheeseburger, extra pickles
2. Subway sandwich comprised of 70% banana peppers (the sandwich artist couldn’t believe how many peppers I made her stuff in that thing. The answer is NOT ENOUGH.)
3. Two small bags of BBQ Cornnuts (A brief flirtation that ended quickly. Nevermore, quoth I)
4. Pickled beets
5. Pad Thai
6. Four boxes of Crispix cereal
7. A small Frosty
8. Half a can of corn
9. Miso soup
10. Maybe I drank the pickled beet juice straight up

We still haven’t told the kids. I want to wait until Christmas to surprise them. So don’t bring it up if you see them. And why are you seeing them? Don’t be weird, guys, and stalk my kids, because that’s so passe.

I'm going to try to look for the silver lining. I will probably get a baby out of this (assuming I don't miscarry at another funeral.) I've had a cold for the past two weeks, so my stuffy nose can't smell every single organism in our home and send me running (more) for the oval office. I've already thrown up in a moving car in front of my sister, so there's another fear faced and conquered. This baby arrives in June, meaning my terror of having a September baby, with all the heat and having to wait another interminable year to send them to school, is happily unrealized. I don't have a sweet tooth (always nice to wave goodbye to that inconvenience.) And exercising makes me even more sick (no more guilt!)

Morning sickness! Debilitating! Must eat every two hours or suffer the dire and humbling consequences! Word pictures! So fun and interesting!

49 comments:

~j. said...

Babies are so gross.

No, wait -- I mean banana peppers.

natalie said...

Oh my goodness, you eat how I eat normally! j/k I'm sorry you've been so sick - but congratulations on number three! How exciting!

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

Holy pickled beet juice!! Congrats!

We will have to have a pickled beet juice toast.

You know what else I bet you like that I love...that Asian hot sauce. The bright red sauce with the green lid.

c jane said...

I have an Izze with--yes--your name on it.

I say: girl.

Tyla said...

Congratulations! Of course, I am now feeling sick after reading your grocery list from the past month so thanks a lot. ;>)

sarah k. said...

Ah, fond memories... of when all that crap ended. I ate lots of corn chex, corn chips (with Tostito's neon cheese sauce, still neon on way back up), chicken nuggets (I know!) and not much else. I feel for ya.

cw said...

Congrats! Feel better soon. And yeah, I still remember. During my last and final pregnancy I only survived thanks to Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. I'm surprised that child wasn't born looking like an Oompa Loompa

Dixie Mom said...

You're secret is safe in Dixie.
Congratulations!

Kim said...

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not been able to get enough of Panda Express fried rice this time. Weird, I know. But really, who I am saying weird to? You have been eating banana pepper sandwiches ;)
So excited for you Mama!!

The crazy Shaw Family said...

Congrats! Hope the ickies go away soon. I am at the tail end of my pregnancy and can't wait to evict this kiddo. I haven't had any wierd cravings this go around (#5) but have been stuffing myself silly and still losing wieght. (which is ok, I am fluffy)
Anyway, Good Luck and don't worry about the toddler rotting his brain. Mine watched entirely too much Dora and Diego, and she still seems sorta normal... except for the weird tick she developed. Oh well, hope it goes away on its own.

Megling said...

Your 1st trimester diet is MUCH more varied than my own. You probably are getting crazy awesome nutrients that green apples and cucumbers (for 4 months) couldn't give to my kid.
A million congratulations imaginary internet friend!

Lindsey Johnson said...

Aw! This is one of the best "I'm pregnant" posts I've read.

Congratulations!

Chelsea said...

I say girl too. Hopefully you get some time off of work so you can throw up at home rather than the office!

Rynell said...

Looks like you've got all the major food groups covered (banana peppers, Cripix and beets). AND you're looking on the bright side.

Way to go! Happy gestating.

mrsfussypants said...

If I were to write a post on this very subject (I am also due in June) It would be exactly this. In fact I just puked a piece of cold zesty sausage pizza in my kitchen sink like 5 minutes ago! Too much? Sorry.

dmarie said...

yay for you! now, go lie down.

Carrot Jello said...

Yay! Congratulations!

There are never enough banana peppers. We just bought a super sized jar on Saturday and it's almost gone.
When I was pregnant with my fifth, I had to have pickles and sauerkraut.
I think I ate a jar of each a week.

The redhead said...

I have a September baby, by two days. Doesn't that just beat all. Well I guess by one minute would beat all so never mind.

And Cornnuts? Really?

Melanie said...

COngratulations... and I'm sorry...

I am considering writing a cook book with recipes for the least disgusting foods to throw up, if you'd like to contribute. I think it could be a real benefit to society.

I can't imagine the corn nuts would go on the list of "good", though.

Jennifer B. said...

I love how you make announcements! Congratulations. Wishing you lots of rest and banana peppers.

Aleksandra Robinson said...

This post should be required reading for all hormonal high schoolers.

Just sayin'.

"Lucky" said...

~j is whack backwards because banana peppers ROCK and babies ARE gross. Congrats.

And thank you for not being the kind of Utahn than names their baby a Word Verification.

Kalli Ko said...

there's a lemonade smoothie at Jamba you should hit up, Strawberry Surfrider or something like that. Hit the spot for me.

Hip Hop and yay for you! See you tomorrow?

Loralee Choate said...

Squee! That is RAD. xo

myimaginaryblog said...

Congrats! (On the baby, not the nausea.)

Foods that at times worked for me : arrowroot cookies (from the babyfood aisle) Neccos, grapefruit juice, and Thai galanga soup. Now I'm craving grapefruit juice. I think that is the one thing that never, ever failed me.

Jenny said...

Congrats! I wish you could look as hot nauseous as you do in black, I hope your sense of smell doesn't come back until well into the second trimester.

ray-ray says said...

Congrats! Your 1st trimester sounds similar to mine, my body to trying with all its might to get rid of thing growing inside.
The only thing that makes my first few months bearable is Promethazine and carbs. The whiter the flour, the better.
And that is why I am never one of those cute pregnant girls who look like they swallowed a basketball. My body looks like it swallowed a sumo wrestler.
Maybe try the Ranch flavored Cornnuts next time you feel like flirting.

Britty said...

Exciting news, Azucar...although it feels like crap right now. Good luck *surviving* because surviving is all that's required, thank goodness. That means your kids can watch TV and eat crap and it will be OK in the end!

Mandee said...

Wishing you the best ... and girly thoughts, this time around. Mostly because I can only assume she would be dressed to the nines. But if it's another boy, I can't feel sorry for you- having 3 little boys is pretty awesome. Congrats!

Amy said...

Here's to June babies. I'm all about the savories during pregnancy--no sweets.

Fig said...

A lady on FB said the other day that she was nauseated and really hungry at the same time and it was freaking her out, because she'd never felt that way before and those two things should NEVER go together, ever.

She has four kids! WTF.

Anyway. I am so happy that you are experiencing the worst combination of sensations ever. Congratulations!

Dr. SWILUA said...

congratulations! and I'm sorry! Both!

Rocketgirl said...

I remember August of '06! That's when I "met" you - you were violently ill and I was terrified of childbirth, and you took the time to write me some very nice emails about what to expect. Thanks, by the way :) Also, congratulations and I'm so terribly sorry. BLECH.

Amy said...

I think I threw up in every parking lot in Provo when I was pregnant with my first. Too bad I got just as sick all 6 times. My heart goes out to you. It's the worst, THE WORST, I say. But thankfully, you do get a loverly baby out of it.

Emily said...

I am just discovering the news--congratulations! And best of luck with those banana peppers and pickled beet juice. I say whatever works!

Steph said...

You know how you get yourself into that condition... right?

Congrats! Too awesome for words.

Emmie said...

Yay!! You make adorable babies. It's a service you're providing for all mankind, really.

I remember the nausea waves well. I'm so sorry. (My sweet tooth also disappeared during my first trimester. It was replaced with overwhelming desire to eat entire cans of olives in one sitting.)

soybeanlover said...

Congratulations! I'm quite envious of what you can keep down. Hope the yucks subside soon.

thedoodlegirl said...

Sorry you're feeling so sick!! But, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Marianne & Clayton said...

Huzzah! Way to go Joe!

And seriously, you know you are a foodie when your "nausea" food list has pickled beets, pad thai, miso soup and banana pepper sandwiches.

All around awesome.

Veeda said...

I should bring you something Asian to eat.

Stepper the Mighty said...

please don't punch my face for saying this, but I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

And, for the next 7.5 months - I am soooo sorry. ;)

the emily said...

Congratulations!!! I hope the nausea passes quickly. I had #3 in March and it was a girl after two boys, and boy, I was sick sick sick for 28 weeks. It was awful. So I hope it's a boy. :)

We didn't tell our kids for 20 weeks. For real! I just knew they'd tell everybody and make my pregnancy FORTY WEEKS LONG instead of just 20 (or at least seem like 20 to everybody else). Although I do wonder if they wondered why I was throwing up constantly, leaving the house for the entire day when the korean neighbors made kimchi, and let them watch Sponge Bob.

Mary said...

Oh my gosh, I'm also pregnant, but that's not the point. The point is that a few weeks ago, I sat down in front of the TV with a jar of banana peppers and a fork and ate the whole thing.

Congratulations!!! I hope you feel better soon.

Anne-Marie said...

So, pregnancy makes you far less of a food snob, eh?
You've described the salty, first trimester fog to perfection. Long enough for me to re-consider any further offspring.

whitneyingram said...

Congrats and here is to hoping you survive these first few months.

I thought of you when I went through the drive thru at Wendy's the other day.

Likely said...

three boys is where it's at.

so much cheaper that way.

I am with you on the banana peppers thing. I went to the local sandwich joint for a turkey provolone and loaded it with banana peppers as well. until the heart burn set in late second tri and then adios to the peppers.

my sis in law sarah is due the same month as you.

i i eee said...

Congrats, mama!

Now I just might have to partake of teh frostee at thee Wendy's, so thanks a lot.

TheOneTrueSue said...

I'm tardy, but I'm also so very happy for you. YAY BABIES!

xoxo