jetsetgreen

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Lightweight


I’m a mover and a worker. I am busy working on things from the moment I wake up until the minute I finally, reluctantly, petulantly pass out in bed (usually with a remote or a book in my hand in a final act of conscious defiance.) You all know how I feel about sleep (a waste of time! Only to use when forced!)

Yesterday I woke up early, dressed, made lunches, got people off to school, and did the dishes. Then I prepped a seasoned baked chicken and veggies in separate containers for easy dinner assemblage later. I got myself ready and Proximo. I whirred up a plain yogurt, banana, and oatmeal smoothie for breakfast-on-the-go. I shoved my sewing machine and laptop to the car with everything else I’d need for the day. After dropping off Proximo, I drove to Salt Lake to Alt Summit. I’d be helping Susan with her workshop by teaching novice sewers how to make a simple envelope pillowcase. Dragging a sewing machine from the Little America Hotel to the Grand America Hotel, along with everything else, was great fun.

I attended the keynote luncheon where we heard Seth Aaron and Mondo from Project Runway speak. They were a lot of fun. (Mondo and I are the same height [when I am wearing 3” heels] but he is tiny, like a doll. They described what shooting days were like: in bed at 2am and up at 6am. So what, I snickered to Allison, that’s basically my normal schedule; I’ve been in training for Project Runway for 15 years. Except now that I’m pregnant my hours are a more reasonable 1am to 7:30am.)

The workshop was really well done; Susan did a great job prepping and organizing it all. My friends urged me to stay at ALT, but it was already 5:15pm and I was feeling atypically exhausted. I decided to go home. I decided it so fast that instead of mingling and mixing with people, I sat down on my sewing machine case in the middle of Grand America and didn’t move. I asked (begged) Amy Hackworth to drive me the block to my car so I wouldn’t have to carry everything back to my parking spot. She agreed because she’s an angel.

Faced with the prospect of driving home in a warm, comfortable car, I stopped by the only place on the one-way route to the freeway: McDonald’s. I felt stupid charging a dollar’s worth of Diet Coke, so I got a vanilla cone, too (because charging $2.36 is infinitely less stupid than charging $1.07, right?) Oh, burgleflickle, 5:30pm on a weekday means rush hour traffic, doesn’t it? 30 minutes into the stop-and-go, I started to feel awful. Really terrible. Hauling all that stuff, eating not enough, trying to do a mountain’s worth of work in just a couple hours, no. Nope. No. “NO,” says the baby, “NO, no, no just no.”

Have you ever vomited while driving on a freeway? It’s my new talent. That and attempting to fall asleep at the wheel. I called everyone I could to talk to so I’d stay awake. When I pulled into my driveway I could barely make it out the door and into the house. I was put to bed immediately, where the children, not having seen me all day, could crawl over me while I tried to not die.

“That was stupid,” I thought. The hardest thing for me to accept while pregnant, even harder than accepting the physical changes, is that I can’t go, go, go. My body will quit. It will drop out from under me. I have no choice in the matter. If I was Courtney I’d write about how giving up that kind of control is a profound experience, but I’m me, so I’ll just say it’s HARD for me to ACCEPT that I am NOT IN CHARGE of my OWN BODY. The consequences of stress, physical work, and trying to do everything, are unavoidable and immediate. This baby has already laid claim to me for its needs, and I am bound to it.

24 comments:

noelle said...

i blame it on your shoes.

Michelle said...

Your last paragraph is perfection. Perhaps because it's also hard for me to accept that my body will at some point balk at my demands. I'm sure that any day now I will make peace with it!

myimaginaryblog said...

The only reason I haven't vomited in a car is that I barely ever leave the house during the nine months of pregnancy or the first 12 months after the baby's born. Which is almost as boring and confining and depressing as it sounds.

Michelle said...

Ah darlin, I think you do more in a day than I do in a week.

And sadly, yes, I have vomited while driving. Happy times.

Love you.

Vern said...

"Burgleflickle"?

Azúcar said...

Yes. Burgleflickle.

Or, if you prefer, let the brilliant Bob Odenkirk fill you in.

Natalia said...

It never ceases to amaze me how I've gone from staying up half the night to going to be at 9:30 sharp. I'm completely exhausted all the time but I do nothing but sit at a computer most of the day :-/

I am lucky enough to say that I have yet to vomit while I am driving a car (while someone else is driving is a whole different story).

Melanie said...

I can't tell you how much I agree with everything you said... If God wants us to have babies so badly, why make it so stinkin' HARD?!

Some day, I'm going to ask him that one...

eliana23 said...

puking along the freeway...good memories of my last pregnancy. Feel better.

whitneyingram said...

"He's like a doll".

You are a doll for writing that.

My 3rd pregnancy was hateful. And then adjusting from 2 to 3 kids was even more hateful. May it not be that way for you.

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

You should have called me! I want to hear all about ALT. I'm really wishing I would have gone.

Steph said...

I consider myself to be a pro at very few things. But vomiting is one of them. Call me up and I can definitely give you a few tips. ;-)

craftyashley said...

I thought I was the only one that opened the car door, puked onto the pavement, then kept on driving. Pregnancy... good stuff.

Emily said...

That is quite possibly my least favorite part of pregnancy--the sheer exhaustion that comes from creating another human.

sarah k. said...

I've always spelled it "burgafurga". Was I not paying attention?

Oh yeah. I've done that suckage. I've thought it would never end. I've longed for sweet release. But the prize, ah, the prize!

sarah k. said...

Ah! I did hear it wrong! Or maybe it's just been too many moons. It's my favorite word ever.

annilygreen said...

um, i think we had the same day. except i sat on a chair instead of my sewing machine case, and i called simon and maybe started crying in the middle of the hallway. then i started crying on the freeway on the way home because i just wanted to close my eyes. and lucky me, i didn't puke until i got home, but then i made up for it by puking multiple glorious times. as angelica (rug rats) would say, "dumb babies!" but hey....we met mondo. that's somethin'. and you looked smokin' in those heels.

Laquina said...

Yup, I've thrown up in the car. It was a banana - all over my lap while driving. Mmmmm.

vanessa said...

I have only done that twice while pregnant (thrown up all over myself while driving) usually I can open the door in time.

These babies of ours better be cute.

It's really hard to let go.

Amy said...

Amen. Giving up control is painful.

lovely by m said...

Hi Carina,

New to your space and am drawn in by your writing already. I'm commenting here because I don't see an email for you and Annie emailed me letting me know that you have some chairs up for sale...that I will probably want. I just posted some pics on my blog of some chairs I am needing/wanting and Annie immediately let me know you have some for cheap! Email me? writebym@gmail.com

Thanks! Michelle

Hilary said...

I hate how they STILL think they own your body. Even a few years into their lives here on earth.
IT IS MINE, PEOPLE. MINE.

Tzipporah said...

Ha. Yes. This is how babies begin.

Then when they're born they COMPLETELY suck the life out of you for at least a year.

You would think by #3 you'd have learned this lesson, eh?

Erin O. said...

You should have seen me on Friday at Alt. I couldn't hardly stand up...I was out of there by 10:30a. Yesterday a few loads of laundry taxed me. FUH. By Valentine's Day I'll be a pile of crap glued to my couch. Please send food.