Monday, March 07, 2011

Math: Check it Out!

Guess what?

Did you guess?

I'm not diabetic.

How cool is that?

In fact, my numbers were lower than during any of my other pregnancies. Screw you genetics!

During one of my four blood draws, I was late. This is a bad thing, apparently. Once you drink the drink (must finish within 5 minutes of starting,) you need to take a blood draw exactly one hour later. I was on time for that one. For the next hour I sat in the hospital lobby and tried to work. An hour later, I walked back to the lab, which was now crowded. I took a seat, surrounded by three moms with babies there to test for jaundice. I felt bad for their babies; I have been there.

One by one, the phlebotomist called them back to prick their babies' heels. I was getting a little antsy, I was 15 minutes over my hour. An elderly couple walked in to have the wife's blood drawn. Finally, I mentioned that I was nearing 20 minutes after the hour. The phlebotomist freaked out. "Why didn't you say something?" I don't know, I thought, why didn't I? I didn't want to be rude to the other people in line.
"Next time, you tell them you're here for glucose and they'll test you right away!" she tsked, pushing the elderly couple out of the way, "You might have to repeat the test!"

Argh. No. That is not possible. That will not happen.

Now...I knew that they had a baseline and the first hour on time. I knew that when it came for my last draw I'd hustle into the joint and demand a test. It kind of didn't matter when they took the second test during the time allotted. All it would take is a little bit of math: you have the numbers, you have the timeline, you can figure the rate of change vs. the time for the second test. I was annoyed they'd even suggest I repeat the test. Annoyed enough that I called J. "Oh," he laughed, "So now you want people to be good at math?"

"Yes," I answered, "Or I'll demand they give you the numbers and you can do the really extreme calculations it would take to get that number." Seriously, just because I know it can be done doesn't mean I want to do it. I outsource my math.

When it was over I went to the car and had a refined flour baguette with pure orange juice fructose. It was delicious and I didn't have to pass out while driving.

P.S. Each of the two phlebotomists did two draws on me. The first phlebotomist was marvelous; her draws didn't hurt at all. The second phlebotomist's draws hurt. However, where the first drew had a far larger and more painful bruise than the site where the second drew--which didn't hurt at all.

What's that about?

Does it mean that the Mayans are right about 2012? Because that's the direction I'm leaning.


Sarah said...

Do you want the real reason? Or does that ruin your humor of the post?

Here's the real reason, delete this post if you wish:
the bruise is from after the poke - the first person probably didn't put adequate pressure afterward = bruise = pain.

If you really wanted to know. :)

AzĂșcar said...

No, see, I really wondered! She's good on the draw, but not on the follow through. Interesting!

Vern said...

There's something about the word "phlebotomist" that makes me giggle.

stacey said...

Was the 2nd one the Russian (?) lady? I had her on Thursday and I think she may have alluded to you and your late test.

Hilary said...

I would guess that they hit a valve or something... who realy knows. In nursing school, they said the bruising and pain come from how you apply pressure with your bandage, and having them hold it, etc.
Silly lab people. :)

AzĂșcar said...

Vern, Why do you think I used it so often? Heehee.

Stacey, Yes! I vexed her. She was very vexed.

Hilary, Lab people! So determined to do their jobs precisely!

sarah-lucy said...

I hate getting blood drawn. They always stare at my tiny veins forever, trying to decide if they need the smaller needle or not. Lately I've tried just telling them--yes, you need the smaller needle.

Which they have taken as a challenge.

No,no, they say, LOOK HOW GOOD I AM A DRAWING BLOOD, I can use the regular size needle on your itty-bitty veins!!


Melody said...

"...refined flour baguette with pure orange juice fructose." The God-given right of every pregnant woman! Congrats on passing the math test.

Nice to see you the other day.

Oh, and she's not Russian, she's Armenian.

Bebe McGooch said...

I still won't donate blood after the bruising disaster that took up my entire forearm.

Yay for not being diabetic!

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

I hear about this test so often that I am highly anticipating the day I finally get to take it. I think there is a post on my FB feed weekly about it! Yes, I know a lot of pregnant people.